Celebrating christmas with the people who are the reason that i will ctb

[noname223]

My family situation is very weird. My sister and me were abused from my parents when we were children. I am a suicidal wreck, she is doing better but still struggles. We still have a close relationship with them. I am dependent on them. (financially etc.) So i am here on christmas evening with the people who basically destroyed my brain. And they did not apologize even though they regret it. I cannot really stand it. I am always very angry inside myself. Moreover i was paranoid.
Some people (on this forum) said i should not play the victim or shit. But i really do not blame me. If I took drugs or anything i would blame me. I can really well tell why my brain went nuts. I am trying to make the best decisions with the hand i've been dealt with but there are not many ways which not result in suicide.

 

[Miss_Takes]

I can only imagine how difficult it must be to be reliant on those who have caused you harm.
I hope you get through both today and the rest of tour journey as best you can.

 

[adam&eve]

I am too reliant on my parents. This Christmas Eve my mom was asking me not to talk about my problems to her, she doesn't care- she says that it just puts a weighth on her but she doesn't seem to mind that I am burdened. Her friend is an idiot that said to her that I " just want to destroy them". I mean, really? Talk about support I have.
Also this Christmas Eve I was actually physically fighting with my dad, so... I also feel sick and I really just want to CTB