Discussion cbt roller coaster: would rather feel suicidal all the time, or have ups and downs?

[ecmnesia]

just bored.

i hate this suicidal roller coaster. not being on the verge of cbt is way worse on me than feeling like i could catch the bus anytime. it's not that i am good/happy, but like whatever.

how about you?

 

[WornOutLife]

I feel so like you!

I think it's better to have ups and downs because thinking of CTB all day long is like an eternal DOWN status. (just how I feel, although I do have some ups thanks to my hobbies)

 

[SmellyRat]

Only thing that's stopping me now is the survival instinct, and the fact i live with family so it would be stupid to try ctb.

I'll just let fate guide me on when i leave this shit hole.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Forgotten what an up day is like, to many close to me have ctb recently and it seems my only happiness will come from my own ctb

 

[hoping to lose hope]

It is better to always feel low and like trash for me personally.. the few times I felt better only made me feel worse later.

 

[ecmnesia]

It is better to always feel low and like trash for me personally.. the few times I felt better only made me feel worse later.

same

 

[hoping to lose hope]

You get used to being miserable and it just becomes how you are even if painful but when you have times to reflect on when there was hope it hurts too much.

 

[clocktower]

having momentary happiness ripped away from you again hurts way more than always feeling low.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Although I think apples have more cyanide in them. I can't really tell not a science geek

 

[Kamiotesoro]

I felt so much more in power when it used to be only down. Now when I have my "up moment" I can only dream of actually being able to go through with my plans. It is draining when u don't have enough to actually do it yet the thoughts still race through ur head:)

 

[Arthaniel]

just bored.

i hate this suicidal roller coaster. not being on the verge of cbt is way worse on me than feeling like i could catch the bus anytime. it's not that i am good/happy, but like whatever.

how about you?

I think it's completely normal, the lack of such mood swings is already an extreme emotional state, so don't be in a rush. you can always ctb so it's worth waiting for that moment when you are sure of it and it won't scare you.

 

[foxdie]

I am currently wallowing in a low and my "ups" are usually just a mirage. I'd rather just be suicidal all the time (pretty much am) then have a fleeting high that inevitably leads to a crash again. The only fleeting high I can handle is from that mary jane.

 

[TheEndisNear121200]

I've gone through both situations and I would safely say that I'd rather be suicidal all the time than have ups and downs. The ups always made the downs more intense. At least now I'm used to being depressed all the time.

 

[thisismyusername]

I think a lot of people feel this up and down because of the intensity of both emotions. I feel the same way. You feel like a chew toy in the mouth of an aggressive puppy, once loved and cherished, and then destroyed and ripped to shreds. I have come to accept it as I feel I wish to be remembered for my highs, and humanized by my lows.

 

[_Kaira_]

I think a lot of people feel this up and down because of the intensity of both emotions. I feel the same way. You feel like a chew toy in the mouth of an aggressive puppy, once loved and cherished, and then destroyed and ripped to shreds. I have come to accept it as I feel I wish to be remembered for my highs, and humanized by my lows.

This. One of the best comparisons to my pain I've heard in my life.

 

[Vault of Memories]

That's how I am and it's awfully annoying. I'll have in my head that this will be my last week and nothing could possibly make me change my mind. Then next thing you know I'm putting it off, because life isn't as bad, perhaps I was overreacting.

 

[Weary Soul]

just bored.

i hate this suicidal roller coaster. not being on the verge of cbt is way worse on me than feeling like i could catch the bus anytime. it's not that i am good/happy, but like whatever.

how about you?

You may be bored, but I love the questions you ask!

I too hate the roller coaster. If it were not for that roller coaster, I would not be here in both physical pain and mental anguish.

<3

 

[Ghost2211]

Since ctb is not currently an option I prefer having highs and lows. I am currently in a low, but at least I do know that a high will come back and I can use that as a bridge to pass more time. It's kind of like a small break from the awful, but I also know the awful will return. Oh well, every day that passes is another day that I've completed.

 

[builtwrong]

Being happy is scary, it means you still have somewhere farther down to fall. Plans can't get ruined if you don't have any and you can't fail to achieve your dreams if you never try