I just wonder how much my thoughts are responsible for my desire to be dead. Am I causing myself to be suicidal? If I could stop thinking that I would be better off dead, would I feel better? Would life suddenly become worth all the struggle? If I could stop thinking this way for long enough, a month, six months, would I want to continue living and fight for the good results? It probably seems like stupid things to say. Maybe I don't know how to explain what I am trying to say.
i definitely understand. its hard to usually articulate and voice you're emotions but you're definitely making sense.
dwelling on negativity, CONSTANTLY thinking about the bad stuff, worst things to happen to me in life, the worst of life, wanting to die and constantly thinking about death, overthinking every situation and thinking its gonna end up bad, LITERALLY JUST THINKING AND OVERTHINKIMG AS A WHOLE, ESPECIALLY NEGATIVITY has destroyed me. whether its the way i look, what im doing, literally anything. Its stopped me from growing, recovering and trying to feel better, to enjoy and live life. And till we cut these thoughts off, and improve our environments, it's these very same thoughts that are gonna hold us back. changing you're mindset from negative to positive for a while, and doing things that scare you, that you usually dont do, that you think you might enjoy doing that you havent done while thinking positively would help immensely; essentially placing urself in more of a positive environment, mentally and physically.
like people say, you're energy, how you think, etc; is the energy you give out and the energy that's reciprocated to you. And i somewhat agree. Even though im trying my absolute best to get better, i havent changed this negative mindset, and overthinking; and its stopped me from getting better, getting more positive things, being happy, because im simply not thinking about such things most of the time and giving such energy in trying to have it reciprocated. but its HARD.
i wish i was numb, didnt feel, didnt think as much as i do, etc; id be 1000000x better and just living and enjoying life and not giving a shit about anyone or anything. im trying to be numb and not dwell about stuff or care about anything or anyone and till i do, is when ill truly get better.
so ur 100 percent right, and ITS SUCH A GOOD THING ur actually thinking about this critically as well. I definitely think you should give it a chance! yolo right? You only live once, ur possibly set on dying, does it hurt to try? i hope you give it a chance. hope you feel better and find peace.