Venting caught up in routine and loneliness, aimless

[Eren]

There are no dramas or serious illnesses in my life, I just do not enjoy life, I am tired of loneliness and that life does not make sense, so much effort simply to continue living in a way that I hate.
In a post I already talked about my possible Asperger (I am in the process of diagnosis) for people who do not have Asperger it is difficult to understand what it is like to live with it, basically it is like being in a prison of absolute solitude, both in friendships and at the level of couple. It's not that it's the worst in the world but I hate being like that, I don't think it's worth it.
Life becomes a routine of going to work and being at home playing on the computer, always, to the point that sometimes I prefer to work than being at home, the few IRL friends I have had have been a brutal disappointment.
I am at a point, I do not care if I am fired from work or anything, I do not care, I just want to finish. The only thing that binds me to this world is the survival instinct and feeling bad for my mother.


Is anyone else caught up in such a routine?

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

Pretty much same, except leaning more towards maladaptive daydreaming than computer games. I'm even getting too tired to maintain the routine for proper self-care. I don't have much ties to my family though, and I only have two people whom I somewhat value, but they'd understand me choosing to die. I'm at the point where I don't even want hope anymore, so the life direction for the time being is to wrap up with some earthly stuff and be done with that existence by the start of 2022.

My friendships slowly decline and attempts to find new ones failed, let alone romantic relationships. I probably just self-isolated myself for so long I don't have any social skills and wouldn't know how to start getting them, and I'm not motivated to try to do anything anymore.

 

[somniummalum]

I can relate to that, although I have no experience with Aspergers.
In my honest opinion, living in modern society is pretty much being enslaved by big companies, more espacially being a slave to money, and that's pretty much what it's all about.
It becomes an incredibly meaningless routine. Either be a good, obidiant slave or be a fucking loser to society, it's sad honestly.
It's sad what humanity / society has become... everybody looks only after themselves, people are forcefully blind, look away and have sheep mentality (maybe it has always kind of been like this?)
Things like religions and spirituality try to give human life some pseudo-meaning. I am truly happy for anyone that finds meaning in this kind of stuff, for me it's just ridiculous.
I simply do not understand how one can be happy and fulfilled in a world like this.

 

[Eren]

My friendships slowly decline and attempts to find new ones failed, let alone romantic relationships. I probably just self-isolated myself for so long I don't have any social skills and wouldn't know how to start getting them, and I'm not motivated to try to do anything anymore.

we are in the same situation then