I hate that I still care a little bit. Everyone I ever cared about is trapped inside this relentless meat grinder and I can't pull them out of it. I tell them, if you want to live without all this pressure and stress--we can just leave, we can move to Canada or anywhere out of the US. They don't listen, it's like they're being held fast by quick sand and can't help but to sink into it. They think that slaving away for an industry that uses them as doormats and meat puppets will actually get them somewhere. My parents are almost in their 60s, still married to jobs that refuse to up their pay raise, still refuses to properly compensate for their time, loyalty and devotion, provide them with solid insurance and medical. There's a guy who claims he loves me a lot but lives all the way in Turkey, and can't really see past the lies they fed him but is still semi-open-minded and a sweetheart. I'd rather he go for someone else though, I think he just settles for me because he's scared of making real life connections. He loves his family and his birds and still has a reason to live. I'm sure he'll do just fine but it hurts. If things were different we could've all had a happy ending. Everyone just wants me to pretend to be happy again so that they can feel better about themselves--my mom tries to get me to get high and drink with her because it makes me more agreeable, though it made everything feel good and painless I had to cut it out and I know it makes her sad, but I couldn't think while under the influence.
He tries to encourage me to seek therapy, but it's not my brain making me like this--it's my environment and knowing what I know. The f*cking microplastics in the drinking water, pollution, burning rubber, the carbon footprint caused by livestock--cause more babies, more mouths to feed, asphalt--but people keep building more roads. More roads, more parking lots, less homes to actually live in, more apartments, more rent, wildlife being forced to retreat to make way for man, the destructive uselessness of owning a car over clean and efficient public transportation, greed, ego and hatred being so deeply entrenched in our society. There's something either in the food/products we use causing cancer--cause suddenly everyone I know has it now. The worst part is--whenever a minority group or community tries to bound together and prosper like the Jews, Chinese, Latinos, Blacks--they're demonized or plotted against, think the bombing and drugging of black wall street, people shooting up schools, beauty salons and synagogues. On top of that we got war, constant fear of a nuclear Armageddon and women still having to fight for basic human rights under religious zealots. Just f*ck this shit. F*ck pretending. I'm so done with this sh*t day in and day out. I don't know why people keep trusting in a backwards, oppressive system that could care less about them and then acting all surprised when they're constantly stabbed in the back.
He tries to encourage me to seek therapy, but it's not my brain making me like this--it's my environment and knowing what I know. The f*cking microplastics in the drinking water, pollution, burning rubber, the carbon footprint caused by livestock--cause more babies, more mouths to feed, asphalt--but people keep building more roads. More roads, more parking lots, less homes to actually live in, more apartments, more rent, wildlife being forced to retreat to make way for man, the destructive uselessness of owning a car over clean and efficient public transportation, greed, ego and hatred being so deeply entrenched in our society. There's something either in the food/products we use causing cancer--cause suddenly everyone I know has it now. The worst part is--whenever a minority group or community tries to bound together and prosper like the Jews, Chinese, Latinos, Blacks--they're demonized or plotted against, think the bombing and drugging of black wall street, people shooting up schools, beauty salons and synagogues. On top of that we got war, constant fear of a nuclear Armageddon and women still having to fight for basic human rights under religious zealots. Just f*ck this shit. F*ck pretending. I'm so done with this sh*t day in and day out. I don't know why people keep trusting in a backwards, oppressive system that could care less about them and then acting all surprised when they're constantly stabbed in the back.
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