Can't stop thinking about suicide

[aspx]

I've been like this for a long time, but only now I've realized how bad my situation is.
As the title says, I think anything else but about suicide. The only things that I'm can do now are the ones that doesn't require much thought.
I've also realized that I'll fail this semester on college, as I can't study my grades won't be sufficient to pass. I go to the classes and my brain automatically enters in a mode to ignore everything else around me and contemplate suicide.
Even worse is that I can't do it because my brain thinks that my parents don't deserve this, they're too kind and have never done any harm to anyone.

I don't know what to do anymore.
Does anyone else feels the same?

 

[Davy]

Suicidal thoughts have been in my life for a while now and are almost a part of me, normalized in my head. I'm almost obsessed with it.

 

[SadGirl]

Can you get medical help? You can improve this with medicine and therapy, there is always a way out, unless you no longer have it for you, if you want to talk, you can send me a message.

 

[GeorgeJL]

I've been like this for a long time, but only now I've realized how bad my situation is.
As the title says, I think anything else but about suicide. The only things that I'm can do now are the ones that doesn't require much thought.
I've also realized that I'll fail this semester on college, as I can't study my grades won't be sufficient to pass. I go to the classes and my brain automatically enters in a mode to ignore everything else around me and contemplate suicide.
Even worse is that I can't do it because my brain thinks that my parents don't deserve this, they're too kind and have never done any harm to anyone.

I don't know what to do anymore.
Does anyone else feels the same?

It's sounds like there is hope for you. Even though I am pro-choice I am also think it should be a last ditch option for someone your age, especially since your in college. First of all if you get help and tell them that your suicidal they might be able to give you another chance so perhaps they can nullify those bad grades so that they won't effect your record. But you have to get your shit together and get on some medication. Or better yet some psychedelics like ketamine, personally I like 2C-B and 4-aco-dmt, but ketamine is working very well for people with drug resistant depression. Buy the self authoring program it's totally worth it. If not the choice is yours. But really suicide should be a last ditch option for someone like you. Do some self development. PM if you want to talk.

 

[JadedGray]

Yes, and because of it, it's the only choice I have left because it caused me to self-sabotage everything in my life.

 

[LadyAbandon]

I feel exactly like this—like I am drifting through the day in a trance thinking only of my death. Whenever I close my eyes I can see myself doing it. When I speak to colleagues at work I am imagining their reactions when they hear the news. I feel like I am watching from a distance, seeing it all happening to someone else. I am barely sleeping or eating anymore, as if I'm already severing ties with the vessel, with the shell, in preparation for the final act.

 

[seekingoblivion]

I think about it so long as there's nothing happening around me that really requires my undivided attention. I have no hope left of my life being anything worth shit. I've been suicidal for a decade but always had the slightest bit of hope that things could get better. Over the last few years shit has really sunk and I'm properly convinced there's nothing left for me here. So now my greatest desire is to die and I think about it as soon as I wake up.

 

[DMTardcore]

I feel exactly like this—like I am drifting through the day in a trance thinking only of my death. Whenever I close my eyes I can see myself doing it. When I speak to colleagues at work I am imagining their reactions when they hear the news. I feel like I am watching from a distance, seeing it all happening to someone else. I am barely sleeping or eating anymore, as if I'm already severing ties with the vessel, with the shell, in preparation for the final act.

Severing ties with the vessel. I found a word in Hebrew that specifically means shell, husk, ect in relationship to the body. I'll share here if I dig it back up. But anyway. I know the feel. Right there with you. Couple day countdown for me.

 

[Invisible one]

It's hard to think about anything but leaving when everywhere you look it feels as if your entire world is crumbling. That's my experience anyway.

 

[Broken]

Yes, and because of it, it's the only choice I have left because it caused me to self-sabotage everything in my life.

Yep I really made one mistake that apparently couldn't be forgiven. Got told to make something of my life but it's had the opposite effect. Never have I felt more like a failure, let down, abandoned, with out hope and that suicide is better than feeling this pain every day

 

[JadedGray]

Yep I really made one mistake that apparently couldn't be forgiven. Got told to make something of my life but it's had the opposite effect. Never have I felt more like a failure, let down, abandoned, with out hope and that suicide is better than feeling this pain every day

I know how you feel.

 

[aspx]

Thank you guys for the kind words, I thought that only a few were having the same problems.

It's hard to think about anything but leaving when everywhere you look it feels as if your entire world is crumbling. That's my experience anyway.

This. It also get's harder when you realize that everything is going down quicker than expected.

 

[Broken]

Yes, and because of it, it's the only choice I have left because it caused me to self-sabotage everything in my life.

I'm well good at self sabotaging. I've messed up my career, lost my social life friends and family, threw away happiness and love, smoked weed for 15 years to the point where my lungs are fucked, as well as a major contributor to my depression and my lack of ability to deal with the mess I've caused.

 

[JadedGray]

I'm well good at self sabotaging. I've messed up my career, lost my social life friends and family, threw away happiness and love, smoked weed for 15 years to the point where my lungs are fucked, as well as a major contributor to my depression and my lack of ability to deal with the mess I've caused.

Unfortunately that's how life works. The things that brought us happiness in our life once upon a time are the same things that bring us the most misery and cause our downfall later in life.

 

[Broken]

Unfortunately that's how life works. The things that brought us happiness in our life once upon a time are the same things that bring us the most misery and cause our downfall later in life.

To right! Whats scared me the most is the throwing away love and happiness part. Scared shitless that I won't ever find it again. Is it possible to move on before meeting somone new or am I destined to feel like this forever? Never had this problem in the past

 

[dandan]

actually im in a skype meeting
and I'm writing down here...
I think I know what you are talking about..

I dont have nothing to share mate, except that I'm in a similar mood/situation
I stopped thinking about suicide for almost a week, because I grow obsess with a between friends network marketing lottery system I built... so my mind goes there, but if it wasnt for that... I'd be only thinking about suicide... ok, no I do have moments im not thinking about suicide, sometimes is worse than others...

 

[JadedGray]

To right! Whats scared me the most is the throwing away love and happiness part. Scared shitless that I won't ever find it again. Is it possible to move on before meeting somone new or am I destined to feel like this forever? Never had this problem in the past

Love and happiness like anything else in life aren't a guarantee. It just comes down to hope. I guess you can take refuge in the fact that you experienced it in your life before, some never do. Hopefully you will again. If you're young, there's still time for things to turn around.

 

[ImSorryEmma]

I feel a similar way, i am failing this year im probably gonna CTB right before finals so i dont have to worry about studying