Can't stop the urges

[elviswastaken]

Hey I'm new on here but every night I choke myself to help me sleep. I promised my therapist that I wouldn't kill myself but I've got the tools at the ready for when I get the courage. I'm trying to give therapy a proper chance because what's a few more months when I've made the decision. I'm all for killing myself but I'll give a few things a go before I do something irreversible. I sometimes feel like I'm a coward but I know what I'd do and I've got a teenager and a young child depending on me who I'd never want ending their life because they don't deserve the statistics of being a child of suicide. My son is so sensitive I don't want to hurt him but at the same time if the ptsd therapy doesn't work the self harm will develop into so much more. I know it will.

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Hi < I have PTSD and most likely CPTSD. I know how you suffer. Its fucking awful. I can see how it can be so bad you just want to end it even leaving your children behind. You are in the worst place when it comes to making a decision. Since you are willing to try other things before making the final decsion to ctb, whivh I think is wise..... What is it that you want most? What symptom is the most debilitating that you wish to aliviate? Where there is a will there is a way. I myself have no will left, but until my last breath I will help another who still has some of thier will left in them. Your not alone sister. The struggle is real. The mind is a vast entity that is almost impossible to overcome. You are doing the best you can, maybe there is something----- that could turn things around in a way that pleases you...... hit me up

huggzzz

 

[elviswastaken]

Thanks for your reply. The worst thing I can't cope with are sensations I get in my neck and feeling like someone's hands are round my neck. I have really graphic dreams and wake up feeling like the stuff has really happened. My emotions are in turmoil because it's so real and the feelings I get afterwards are so real I can't cope and spend the whole day feeling disgusted with myself or frightened people close to me have been hurt by my or want to hurt me. I have horrific dreams about my ex they are so vivid.

Hi < I have PTSD and most likely CPTSD. I know how you suffer. Its fucking awful. I can see how it can be so bad you just want to end it even leaving your children behind. You are in the worst place when it comes to making a decision. Since you are willing to try other things before making the final decsion to ctb, whivh I think is wise..... What is it that you want most? What symptom is the most debilitating that you wish to aliviate? Where there is a will there is a way. I myself have no will left, but until my last breath I will help another who still has some of thier will left in them. Your not alone sister. The struggle is real. The mind is a vast entity that is almost impossible to overcome. You are doing the best you can, maybe there is something----- that could turn things around in a way that pleases you...... hit me up

huggzzz

I'm sorry you're going through the same awful stuff. It's hard every single day to get up and know there's another day ahead.