Can’t recover, can’t pull the trigger

[Boochky]

Every time I think I find an answer, it slips from my grasp.

I'm living with my mom who resents me so much she forced me to take a bottle of klonopin in June.

My boyfriend is sweet but dumb as a rock. He's my only real friend and I'm using him on some level, which makes me hate myself even more.

I don't want to participate in the end of the planet and my country. I don't want to be here, I'm just using resources to maintain a life I don't even enjoy.

I have SN and all the fixings. Every time I get a window where my mom will be gone 4 hours, I chicken out. I'm scared of the pain or surviving. But living will likely be worse.

I hate being on permanent spin cycle. And I hate that I don't have the courage to end it.

 

[LegaliseIt!]

Every time I think I find an answer, it slips from my grasp.

I'm living with my mom who resents me so much she forced me to take a bottle of klonopin in June.

My boyfriend is sweet but dumb as a rock. He's my only real friend and I'm using him on some level, which makes me hate myself even more.

I don't want to participate in the end of the planet and my country. I don't want to be here, I'm just using resources to maintain a life I don't even enjoy.

I have SN and all the fixings. Every time I get a window where my mom will be gone 4 hours, I chicken out. I'm scared of the pain or surviving. But living will likely be worse.

I hate being on permanent spin cycle. And I hate that I don't have the courage to end it.

It sounds like you are enduring so much right now. I can't imagine that the "permanent spin cycle" is helping your bipolar. The people close to you sound less than supportive.
Whatever you decide, you have caring support here.
Sending hugs and peaceful thoughts.

 

[Thereisnothing]

Every time I think I find an answer, it slips from my grasp.

I'm living with my mom who resents me so much she forced me to take a bottle of klonopin in June.

My boyfriend is sweet but dumb as a rock. He's my only real friend and I'm using him on some level, which makes me hate myself even more.

I don't want to participate in the end of the planet and my country. I don't want to be here, I'm just using resources to maintain a life I don't even enjoy.

I have SN and all the fixings. Every time I get a window where my mom will be gone 4 hours, I chicken out. I'm scared of the pain or surviving. But living will likely be worse.

I hate being on permanent spin cycle. And I hate that I don't have the courage to end it.

Wish I could change things for you. I can empathize with the permanent spin cycle, its nasty and there seems no way out. Occassionally it slows down a little and I think maybe things are abit better, but not for long. I dont have the courage or method to end my existence, yet at same time takes a hell of alot of courage to carry on going too..................sending you and xx