Zirp
Member
- Feb 2, 2023
- 15
Normally I would be much more thorough, giving background information and so on. There is a lot I left out. But I'm just too tired at the moment. I hope you guys can forgive me.
I have been distancing myself from my family in the last few months; in parts to protect them from my suffering and in parts to protect myself from seeing them suffer because of me.
A while ago I tried to open up to my mother about my "continuing diminishing will to live". She blocked the conversation by telling me, that this is topic was too much for her. Although I respect her setting boundaries , I couldn't help but feel rejected, forsaken. This is just a brief example to give a feel about my current relationship with my family.
Today my mother guilt tripped me into telling her about my real feelings and mental health situation.
She then said, that she would end herself as well, if I decided to CTB. And that my action would destroy the whole family. She says, she wants to help me and will come for a visit tomorrow.
I don't know how to process this. Of course I understand, that such a decision on my part would have consequences for my surroundings. This guilt is partially what has been holding me back. I also believe her, when she says that she wants to help me. But on the other hand I really hate what my mother said. I feel angry, guilty and not understood. Now that I re-read this paragraph, I have been feeling these three emotions a lot recently.
Any thoughts?
I have been distancing myself from my family in the last few months; in parts to protect them from my suffering and in parts to protect myself from seeing them suffer because of me.
A while ago I tried to open up to my mother about my "continuing diminishing will to live". She blocked the conversation by telling me, that this is topic was too much for her. Although I respect her setting boundaries , I couldn't help but feel rejected, forsaken. This is just a brief example to give a feel about my current relationship with my family.
Today my mother guilt tripped me into telling her about my real feelings and mental health situation.
She then said, that she would end herself as well, if I decided to CTB. And that my action would destroy the whole family. She says, she wants to help me and will come for a visit tomorrow.
I don't know how to process this. Of course I understand, that such a decision on my part would have consequences for my surroundings. This guilt is partially what has been holding me back. I also believe her, when she says that she wants to help me. But on the other hand I really hate what my mother said. I feel angry, guilty and not understood. Now that I re-read this paragraph, I have been feeling these three emotions a lot recently.
Any thoughts?