Discussion Can't imagine a successful CTB for myself

[thirdrailer]

Do other people experience this?

Every time I play through a CTB scenario in my mind I panic and back out or I regret it. I get off the ledge instead of jump, I jump but then beg the universe for a miraculous recovery on my way down. Similar outcomes imagining suspension, firearms, electrocution.

Is it common for people who want to CTB to have to push through those feelings? I'm convinced more and more that CTB is the right rational choice for me given the world we live in. Or is this my subconscious telling me I don't really want this?

 

[TimetoGo!]

Do other people experience this?

Every time I play through a CTB scenario in my mind I panic and back out or I regret it. I get off the ledge instead of jump, I jump but then beg the universe for a miraculous recovery on my way down. Similar outcomes imagining suspension, firearms, electrocution.

Is it common for people who want to CTB to have to push through those feelings? I'm convinced more and more that CTB is the right rational choice for me given the world we live in. Or is this my subconscious telling me I don't really want this?

100% man, I think this happens to all of us. It's survival instinct kicking in, and the doubts will always be there because thats how humans are programmed.

I think the key is finding a method that you feel very confident in that it will work.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

That's SI that tries to convince you to stay even though the decision to CTB is logic to prevent further suffering. When the pain of life becomes more than the fear/pain of death then it's easier to overcome SI imo. We humans can endure more suffering than we ever would expect.

 

[Tired_of_myself]

I feel the same sometimes. I believe is the survival instinct playing its part. the only too times i tried to ctb i was very rational about it, and my Will to d*e was biggr than this instinct… but i Guess it was there somehow, because im still here…

I think you need to be very confident about it… leave the feelings behind, study, and then it will became a pure method to be done… thats what im doing

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it's just a natural fear response in the dream. Last night coincidentally, I had such a dream. Fair warning- it's kind of distressing- I dreamt of a gunman. I was in some sort of big concert hall or theatre building- whatever it was, there were loads of people around. But, everyone started to panic and shots rang out. This random stranger pushed me out the fire exit and we both ran and then lay on the floor. I was so grateful to this guy in the dream. But then, the gunman came out and started shooting at people. I think we were trying to play dead, so- he walked past us and then walked back again- past us towards the building. The guy that saved me initially got up to try to tackle him and he shot him. It was awful. But then- I thought I'd try and tackle him too but then, woke up.

The whole thing was so weird though- because- I was frightened and genuinely grateful to have escaped to begin with but I was also thinking- but you do actually want to die. Why are you doing trying to prevent it? I think we just respond by instinct to the narrative in the dream. I'm not so sure it means we want to stay alive. I had such horrible dreams last night!