Venting Can't get SN and feel utterly hopeless

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

It seems getting SN in the UK is impossible. Not to mention my packages get delivered to a reception service before I can obtain them and it's likely the packaging would be a major tip off due to regulations about how chemicals must be labeled.

With each passing day I feel myself dying inside more and more. When I think about the future I feel like Sylvia Plath in the bell jar, just dragging my noose around the flat and looking for places to quickly hang from.

University makes me feel even more ill than I already am, if such a feat was possible. We get no assistance, and I am left to struggle on my own. I know when in-person attendance is expected I will do even worse because I do not have the energy to attend lectures or walk any sort of distance without feeling like I've been thrust into a haystack full of needles. I can barely make dinner, can barely stand long enough to cook, without having to lay down afterwards to alleviate some of the pain.

I want to leave my university so bad but I am an immigrant so it is very complicated, I cannot afford most of the unis in this country and it would be hard to find one that offers my degree and allows me to stay near my partner so I am not drowning in my own bog water 24/7 in the proverbial chronic fatigue syndrome swamp. I am so far away from my partner while at uni and it is killing me because my friends do not take my illness seriously and I get pushed to the brink trying to go out and appear normal and healthy.

I am losing so much money paying for university when I will be unable to work a full time job after I finish. My bf knows this and says that he doesn't want to marry me yet so I can stay in the country and find part time or free lance work. He told me not to bring up that sort of commitment again in the past and told me it was creepy. Those words sting like venom, knowing I traveled halfway across the world to be with the person I love and was told I would be taken care of when I got incredibly ill and had no one else.

I can't do this anymore. I'm in so much pain from ptsd, chronic pain, on top of autism impeding my functioning even more, and trying to live alone when you're so disabled you can barely go. I need a way out so badly.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Feel your pain lost 4 orders so far and have 3 more on order

 

[justanotherstar]

I feel your pain, I am also deep into the puzzle that is getting SN into the UK. I wish I had something useful to offer

 

[botanormal]

I'm so sorry you're feeling so much despair, I can only imagine how much this has taken a toll on you mentally. Your situation sounds really difficult, so I understand why you're feeling so hopeless.

Trying to get SN in the UK does seem really difficult from what I've seen, but I know it's been done before. It isn't illegal to own that kind of substance, so you're not in the wrong for owning it in any way. If you are questioned, I hear it's a good idea to claim it's for meat curing, but hopefully it won't go that far and you can just take it without any issues.

University sounds like it's a real struggle for you, it must be so horrible being forced to go, simply because of the complications that come with being an immigrant. The world is just too cruel sometimes, and you don't deserve to be the one who suffers the burden of it all. Would it be possible to ask to remain doing online courses (or whatever you're doing now), instead of being forced to return? It's a long-shot, but maybe if you could explain your issues with chronic fatigue to your professors, they would try to accommodate you a little more? I know it's a complicated issue, and I really wish there were an easier fix to it all.

Your boyfriend seems to bring you a lot of comfort, but those things he said were also very hurtful. If he promised to take good care of you, and treats you like that when you ask for some help, it seems kind of heartless. I can imagine how much it pained you. Does he not fully understand the situation you're in, or is he just not giving you enough comfort? If he truly cares, hopefully he'll be able to help you a little more with everything. Is it possible to talk to him more about it, maybe explain the way you're feeling and how much it's hurting you? Of course, absolutely no pressure, do whatever you feel most comfortable with.

It sounds like you've really been going through the wringer with all you've had to handle. Nobody should have to experience such hopelessness, and I really wish for things to change for you. Whatever you decide to do, whether you find some more support, or end up deciding to leave us, I hope you're able to get the peace you deserve. I wish there were some advice I could give to make it all better, but I just want you to know that you are heard, and your feelings are all completely valid. Good luck with everything, and I'm sending you the biggest hugs right now!

 

[NotOkay_]

It seems getting SN in the UK is impossible. Not to mention my packages get delivered to a reception service before I can obtain them and it's likely the packaging would be a major tip off due to regulations about how chemicals must be labeled.

With each passing day I feel myself dying inside more and more. When I think about the future I feel like Sylvia Plath in the bell jar, just dragging my noose around the flat and looking for places to quickly hang from.

University makes me feel even more ill than I already am, if such a feat was possible. We get no assistance, and I am left to struggle on my own. I know when in-person attendance is expected I will do even worse because I do not have the energy to attend lectures or walk any sort of distance without feeling like I've been thrust into a haystack full of needles. I can barely make dinner, can barely stand long enough to cook, without having to lay down afterwards to alleviate some of the pain.

I want to leave my university so bad but I am an immigrant so it is very complicated, I cannot afford most of the unis in this country and it would be hard to find one that offers my degree and allows me to stay near my partner so I am not drowning in my own bog water 24/7 in the proverbial chronic fatigue syndrome swamp. I am so far away from my partner while at uni and it is killing me because my friends do not take my illness seriously and I get pushed to the brink trying to go out and appear normal and healthy.

I am losing so much money paying for university when I will be unable to work a full time job after I finish. My bf knows this and says that he doesn't want to marry me yet so I can stay in the country and find part time or free lance work. He told me not to bring up that sort of commitment again in the past and told me it was creepy. Those words sting like venom, knowing I traveled halfway across the world to be with the person I love and was told I would be taken care of when I got incredibly ill and had no one else.

I can't do this anymore. I'm in so much pain from ptsd, chronic pain, on top of autism impeding my functioning even more, and trying to live alone when you're so disabled you can barely go. I need a way out so badly.

Hey hun, I'm at uni in the uk in a very similar situation. Message me back xx

 

[DeathBySuicide]

I'm so sorry you've been going through this. I can really relate to some of the things you're going through right now. I understand how much of a struggle it is to go through with your daily life, trying to be happy all while dealing with a mental illness. You should talk to your boyfriend and try to make him understand how much of a struggle you're going through right now, as well as your friends. You deserve some supporting, caring people who can help you come out of this struggle. I also suggest going to see a doctor; perhaps they may be able to help you. Contacting a suicide hotline also works very well. Whatever happens in the future, just know that there are many people who care and love you, and I wish you the best of luck.

 

[JustABunchOfAtoms]

I have 2 sources that ship to the UK

 

[UterEntonaur]

I have 2 sources that ship to the UK

The problem is on our side of the border - they tend to get stopped (Source: me - I ordered twice and both times was stopped at customs)

 

[Darkhaven]

A year ago everyone was getting it almost on a daily basis.
Things sure have changed fast.
We made too much of a fuss in this website.

 

[umbrellaphone]

Have you thought of some alternative method? Even if in the end you don't carry it out, just knowing that you have a backup plan as one last resort might ease your troubled mind a little.

 

[UterEntonaur]

We made too much of a fuss in this website.

It might also be the multiple lockdown's... I wouldn't be surprised if customs were alerted to a list of substances to watch out for (e.g. increase numbers of orders coming in, etc)

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Have you thought of some alternative method? Even if in the end you don't carry it out, just knowing that you have a backup plan as one last resort might ease your troubled mind a little.

I thought about CO2 but I do not have a car and I do not want to do it in a place where I may put others in danger. I absolutely need a method that is calm and peaceful because I'm already in so much pain, yet I can't think of any others that are feasible to obtain.

 

[StuFin]

For CO quite a few people here have done it in a tent, a particular type of pop up tent that costs about £50. I won't say the make etc in case I get into trouble, hopefully the search function will be working soon and you can research it.

 

[suicidal257]

My problem is that I can't find any that ship here. Plenty of vendors ship to US, though.

 

[Meditation guide]

For CO quite a few people here have done it in a tent, a particular type of pop up tent that costs about £50.

How do tents contain it without it escaping?

 

[StuFin]

They have a built in groundsheet and they tape up the "windows".

The small 2 man pop up tent I mentioned has been used successfully by a few on here.

 

[Meditation guide]

They have a built in groundsheet and they tape up the "windows".

The small 2 man pop up tent I mentioned has been used successfully by a few on here.

I would think it would seep out through the fabric or around the seams. Can you post a picture of one? I've seen small 2 man pop up tents but didn't realize they would hold in a gas without leaking.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Think so long as you tape well inside you will get the desired effect, a few have mentioned the tent in successful ctb. All about the prep.

 

[StuFin]

I would think it would seep out through the fabric or around the seams. Can you post a picture of one? I've seen small 2 man pop up tents but didn't realize they would hold in a gas without leaking.

It needs to have a certain hydrostatic head. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to mention it or link to it.

 

[Deleted member 24006]

Always wondered why UK people don't just pop over to one of the EU countries nearby and buy SN, get a hotel, and use it at that location. Probably more complicated than it sounds I guess. Lucky to be in US as my SN can in two days for $10.00 US and there are many sellers. Also making DeBreather based on TrailerTrash's pics although the guide wasn't finished so improvising on assembly. Sorry to hear so many are having problems buying their SN.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Always wondered why UK people don't just pop over to one of the EU countries nearby and buy SN, get a hotel, and use it at that location. Probably more complicated than it sounds I guess. Lucky to be in US as my SN can in two days for $10.00 US and there are many sellers. Also making DeBreather based on TrailerTrash's pics although the guide wasn't finished so improvising on assembly. Sorry to hear so many are having problems buying their SN.

Not as easy as that with covid and lockdowns.

 

[justanotherstar]

Always wondered why UK people don't just pop over to one of the EU countries nearby and buy SN, get a hotel, and use it at that location. Probably more complicated than it sounds I guess. Lucky to be in US as my SN can in two days for $10.00 US and there are many sellers. Also making DeBreather based on TrailerTrash's pics although the guide wasn't finished so improvising on assembly. Sorry to hear so many are having problems buying their SN.

Wish this was an option but it makes for a traumatic process for the family in terms of retrieving your body. Don't want to hurt my family anymore than I already am

 

[suicidal257]

Always wondered why UK people don't just pop over to one of the EU countries nearby and buy SN, get a hotel, and use it at that location. Probably more complicated than it sounds I guess. Lucky to be in US as my SN can in two days for $10.00 US and there are many sellers. Also making DeBreather based on TrailerTrash's pics although the guide wasn't finished so improvising on assembly. Sorry to hear so many are having problems buying their SN.

I tried to find sellers on EU continent and there are none. Found a lot from US though.