My whole family father, mother, brother knows I'm highly suicidal as I was in a coma from an OD a couple of years ago because of a chronic health issue that seems to have no end. It's known as chronic pelvic pain syndrome in one way but takes on several different names like interstitial cystitis, chronic prostatitis/bacterial prostatitis, CUTI (chronic UTI). It's pretty much like I have a leaking faucet down there as I always need to go and feel occasional small leaks into my urethra and I have been through almost every treatment possible that you can imagine in these almost five years. I'm on long term antibiotics now to finally kill off the infection and hopefully go back to normal, but I am really mind fucked at this point. It all happened one night where I had trouble urinating from psych meds and they didn't follow the proper protocol at the hospital as my bladder was empty and some angry gay nurse came and basically raped me with it shoving it up my dick cutting and infecting me long term in the process. I tried to sue but that won't nowhere as I can't even get my records from this scumbag attorney who I know made a deal behind my back because of the way the case went. Long story short, I have been abusing my meds that I get from several different doctors to make it through the day as I just numb myself all the time. I really just want my family to get together and say look you did some good things in your life son like finishing a double major in college and then working your way up to a case manager. You could have been a great social worker as you were getting ready to do your masters but you got fucked and there's no turning back so let's call it a life for your already. Does this make sense to anybody or am I being selfish?
I understand the sentiment.
And your frustrations stemming from chronic health issues. Even "simple" ailments like dry eyes can disrupt the life you imagined for yourself.
I hope you can find your way out of the darkness friend. I really do.
And your frustrations stemming from chronic health issues. Even "simple" ailments like dry eyes can disrupt the life you imagined for yourself.
I hope you can find your way out of the darkness friend. I really do.
Does it feel like you've exhausted your options? So sorry you're in so much pain, friend! I would take some of it on if I could!
My mom told me that once as she has chronic pain in her hands from fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis and try to help her by supplementing her pills as I abuse other ones, but Im just so tired of waking up everyday that I really just wanna go to sleep forever.
It makes perfect sense to me. And so what if you're being selfish? You're the one who has experienced this pain and trauma and you're the one who is going to have to continue to live with it if you stick around. I think that to kill one's self is inherently a selfish act, but ultimately, we are the only ones who inhabit our minds and bodies, and if that has become unbearable, then suicide is always justifiable imho.
KuriGohan&Kamehameha
想死不能 - 想活不能
- Nov 23, 2020
- 1,682
Hey, I know what you're going through, and I'm so sorry your family is being this way and taking advantage of the fact that you're ill in order to bum pills off you.
Internal cystisis is godawful. Those psych nurses should have known better, they had no business doing such a procedure, and it makes me sick that they did this to you rather than let a more competent individual try to help you.
I have many of the same thoughts and feelings, as I have suffered from chronic pain (in my legs, feet, arms, and hands) IBS and chronic fatigue syndrome for around 4 years now, since I was 17. This life, for me, is absolutely not worth living. People underestimate the toll that chronic pain takes on an individual.
Like you, my academic success was shattered. I can barely stay in university because I have experienced such a neurological decline from being sick. The people around me are also in full blown denial, like your family. I think it is that intrinsic nature of humans to try to Foster hope and persistence, even in the face of a terminal/incurable disease.
Except if your disease is chronic pain, they are not even slightly understanding and expect you to function as normal simply because you are still alive. If your ailment isn't actively killing you, sadly most people will ignore the severity of it.
I wish I had some advice, but all I can say is that I understand. My boyfriend has similar reactions to your parents and won't sanction my desire to get out of this clown world. He thinks somehow there will be a miracle recovery. It is very hard when we want others to understand and they are so set in their ways.
Internal cystisis is godawful. Those psych nurses should have known better, they had no business doing such a procedure, and it makes me sick that they did this to you rather than let a more competent individual try to help you.
I have many of the same thoughts and feelings, as I have suffered from chronic pain (in my legs, feet, arms, and hands) IBS and chronic fatigue syndrome for around 4 years now, since I was 17. This life, for me, is absolutely not worth living. People underestimate the toll that chronic pain takes on an individual.
Like you, my academic success was shattered. I can barely stay in university because I have experienced such a neurological decline from being sick. The people around me are also in full blown denial, like your family. I think it is that intrinsic nature of humans to try to Foster hope and persistence, even in the face of a terminal/incurable disease.
Except if your disease is chronic pain, they are not even slightly understanding and expect you to function as normal simply because you are still alive. If your ailment isn't actively killing you, sadly most people will ignore the severity of it.
I wish I had some advice, but all I can say is that I understand. My boyfriend has similar reactions to your parents and won't sanction my desire to get out of this clown world. He thinks somehow there will be a miracle recovery. It is very hard when we want others to understand and they are so set in their ways.
I completely understand your thoughts. I have a handful of people keeping me here and all I want them to do is let me go. I too have had some good moments in life. I wish that would be good enough for them, remember those good moments and times and just let me go because I can't stay here any longer. You are not being selfish.
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