Help Can't even cry?

[An0nym0us1999]

My other thread is long and sums up whats going on. I feel trapped under a blanket of nothing. People care, but I don't. People love me, I have a good life, but it's just not enough. I can't move on, all I've done for two weeks is drink and sleep. I have a split-second method but I can't bring myself to do it. The love of my life is gone and she's looking for other people. My sister and mother are friends with her but they refuse to help me get her back. Only reason i still bother getting up is the "hope" that she will come back, but she's made it clear that she wont. I can't bring myself to pull the trigger, but everything kills me on the inside. Watching TV, going outside, everything just hurts. I'm beaten down and broken. But I can't bring myself to do it. I cant even cry anymore. If I could cry I might feel better, but my body just wont. So I lay on my couch and stare at a wall all day long, with a shotgun next to me that I know I dont have the guts to use. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I dont feel "numb", I just feel empty. Drinking is the only thing that brings me any happiness anymore and I'm out of liquor today. Don't even know why I'm posting. Just gives me something to do.

 

[woxihuanni]

My other thread is long and sums up whats going on. I feel trapped under a blanket of nothing. People care, but I don't. People love me, I have a good life, but it's just not enough. I can't move on, all I've done for two weeks is drink and sleep. I have a split-second method but I can't bring myself to do it. The love of my life is gone and she's looking for other people. My sister and mother are friends with her but they refuse to help me get her back. Only reason i still bother getting up is the "hope" that she will come back, but she's made it clear that she wont. I can't bring myself to pull the trigger, but everything kills me on the inside. Watching TV, going outside, everything just hurts. I'm beaten down and broken. But I can't bring myself to do it. I cant even cry anymore. If I could cry I might feel better, but my body just wont. So I lay on my couch and stare at a wall all day long, with a shotgun next to me that I know I dont have the guts to use. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I dont feel "numb", I just feel empty. Drinking is the only thing that brings me any happiness anymore and I'm out of liquor today. Don't even know why I'm posting. Just gives me something to do.

It is hard to cry when the pain is too real. I firmly believe crying means hope.

 

[An0nym0us1999]

It is hard to cry when the pain is too real. I firmly believe crying means hope.

Then its a shame that I can't

 

[Wayfaerer]

It is hard to cry when the pain is too real. I firmly believe crying means hope.

I know this feeling and it is dreadful.

 

[Mortalscreensaver]

It's horrible.

 

[Tom9999]

It is hard to cry when the pain is too real. I firmly believe crying means hope.

I identify with this so much. I used to cry a lot over my failures, disappointments, and defeats, but now I don't. When I think of all that, I don't feel anything and my mind switches to visualizing my suicide.

In the past, I used to cry because the memories were painful. Now I don't cry because I don't feel pain. I feel only acceptance and resignation.

And I don't want to suffer anymore, so I'm not going to create more by emotionally reacting to my current or past life circumstances. That would be meaningless suffering, and I've certainly had enough of that.

 

[Nanimoaru]

My other thread is long and sums up whats going on. I feel trapped under a blanket of nothing. People care, but I don't. People love me, I have a good life, but it's just not enough. I can't move on, all I've done for two weeks is drink and sleep. I have a split-second method but I can't bring myself to do it. The love of my life is gone and she's looking for other people. My sister and mother are friends with her but they refuse to help me get her back. Only reason i still bother getting up is the "hope" that she will come back, but she's made it clear that she wont. I can't bring myself to pull the trigger, but everything kills me on the inside. Watching TV, going outside, everything just hurts. I'm beaten down and broken. But I can't bring myself to do it. I cant even cry anymore. If I could cry I might feel better, but my body just wont. So I lay on my couch and stare at a wall all day long, with a shotgun next to me that I know I dont have the guts to use. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I dont feel "numb", I just feel empty. Drinking is the only thing that brings me any happiness anymore and I'm out of liquor today. Don't even know why I'm posting. Just gives me something to do.

Oh man I just got over that phase
3months no tears than i cried like a baby back bitch

 

[Wayfaerer]

I identify with this so much. I used to cry a lot over my failures, disappointments, and defeats, but now I don't. When I think of all that, I don't feel anything and my mind switches to visualizing my suicide.

In the past, I used to cry because the memories were painful. Now I don't cry because I don't feel pain. I feel only acceptance and resignation.

And I don't want to suffer anymore, so I'm not going to create more by emotionally reacting to my current or past life circumstances. That would be meaningless suffering, and I've certainly had enough of that.

That's a good way to look at it. I find accepting my circumstances to be very difficult.

 

[Tom9999]

That's a good way to look at it. I find accepting my circumstances to be very difficult.

Sometimes I do as well. When I see people gathered together at a table in a restaurant, happily talking and eating, and I think "They have a life, and I don't". Or I see a mother, father, and children walking together. I think "They created a family for themselves. I never did". So the pain still appears still at times.

But for a time, it was tremendously difficult for me to accept how things are, and how they turned out.

Many hugs to you.

 

[woxihuanni]

Sometimes I do as well. When I see people gathered together at a table in a restaurant, happily talking and eating, and I think "They have a life, and I don't". Or I see a mother, father, and children walking together. I think "They created a family for themselves. I never did". So the pain still appears still at times.

But for a time, it was tremendously difficult for me to accept how things are, and how they turned out.

Many hugs to you.

Ah, it's the worst form of torture. Even just walking down the street, or sitting at my window, I think: These are real people, and I need to stop humiliating myself by trying to be a real person. It didn't work.

 

[p7o7p7e]

It is hard to cry when the pain is too real. I firmly believe crying means hope.

I'm 100% serious when I say this, I think about this comment daily

 

[woxihuanni]

I'm 100% serious when I say this, I think about this comment daily

I wish you were in a place where you wouldn't have to... But here we are both.

 

[p7o7p7e]

I wish you were in a place where you wouldn't have to... But here we are both.

At least I won't have to for much longer (or so I hope)

 

[woxihuanni]

At least I won't have to for much longer (or so I hope)

Are you waiting for your stuff/practicing?

 

[p7o7p7e]

Are you waiting for your stuff/practicing?

I have had a set date in mind, going to attempt the carbon monoxide method by running a generator in my car, September 16th not really sure how to practice for it but yeah wish me luck I suppose.

 

[woxihuanni]

I wish you good luck... Meanwhile if you feel like a chat I'm here

 

[p7o7p7e]

I wish you good luck... Meanwhile if you feel like a chat I'm here

Thank you so much!