I have already tried to kill myself last month, but chickened out at the last minute. Even now, if I try again I'll probably just chicken out and end up in deeper shit.
But I've also ruined my chances of going into grad school since I didn't put any effort into getting LORs, and I'm failing all the job interviews i managed to get even in this market.
At this rate I'll just be jobless, with no hope for masters, and have to go back to my homophobic shithole of a country.
Plus, if i fail and survive, the guy I'm dating will probably break up since it's too soon to be dealing with this shit and then life will be even worse. I'd probably also become inadmissible into the country or something lol.
Can't get myself to kill myself but keep ruining life further.
Wish I was American so I could easily get a gun and just end it.
But I've also ruined my chances of going into grad school since I didn't put any effort into getting LORs, and I'm failing all the job interviews i managed to get even in this market.
At this rate I'll just be jobless, with no hope for masters, and have to go back to my homophobic shithole of a country.
Plus, if i fail and survive, the guy I'm dating will probably break up since it's too soon to be dealing with this shit and then life will be even worse. I'd probably also become inadmissible into the country or something lol.
Can't get myself to kill myself but keep ruining life further.
Wish I was American so I could easily get a gun and just end it.
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