Can you find love online/on a forum?

[Weather]

I don't mean can you find a romantic partner who grows to love you online because, yes, obviously loads of people do that.

What I mean is, can you obtain those feelings of being loved based on words online? Because it seems that there are a lot of people here, and likely on many other forums, who feel generally less than loved. And I suspect that's why people find their niche platform and keep coming back -- feelings of love, or perhaps just a sense that they can be loved.

I was having a conversation with someone the other day about whether you can find love on social media. I argued that you could not because love requires authenticity that cannot exist on a platform meant for inauthentic self presentation. Is it the same on a forum or is there more authenticity because of the anonymity? Or, in the alternative, does anonymity lead to even less authenticity? Or, perhaps, authenticity is irrelevant if the feeling of love is produced either way. Does the medium of communication -- or even the message itself -- matter at all if those feelings (appreciation, tenderness, etc.) arise within a person?

Do people stay on a suicide forum for love?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I don't mean can you find a romantic partner who grows to love you online because, yes, obviously loads of people do that.

If people can find romantic love online though, then shouldn't it be possible to find other forms of love more easily?

Maybe I'm a little biased from my experiences though. I'm not really looking for love of any kind when I go online beyond maybe simple validation. It also depends on exactly where you're looking since some places would be worse than others to find any kind of love online.

 

[Ghost2211]

I think it really depends on the person if they are able to feel love vibes from well wishers online. It makes me feel so loved and valued when I reach out to the group when distressed, and so many people come give hugs and love. All the hugs and love in this post made me feel groovy.

 

[Giraffey]

Some of the most beautiful words I have read are poems, their authors long deceased before I laid eyes upon them. Why I find them so meaningful, so beautiful is not simply the words themselves, but the knowledge of how the poet was enthralled and enchanted; intrigued and inspired; how they felt compelled to compose; to paint with words not just what they saw or heard, but what they felt, we get to step into their mind and live that moment with them - forgive my loftiness, language is a love of mine.

So to answer your question, can love, platonic or otherwise, be conveyed just through words? Absolutely.

I personally don't stay here looking for love, adoration or validation, although it is always nice when someone reaches out unexpectedly and expresses an appreciation for what you have to say. I try to be careful and deliberate with my words and both online and away from the screen, I avoid paying empty compliments - "To tell everyone they look nice is meaningless except to that one person you said looked shit."

As I alluded slightly convolutedly above, the value of words, at least for me, lies in their authenticity (excuse the grammatical pun). I don't personally believe that social media, or indeed SS compels one to act inauthentically, although it certainly makes the prospect more tempting. Speaking for myself though, I think it is hard to put on an act, even online, people will always notice the mask slip, so speaking for myself, I am the genuine article, the same online as I am in my life. That has the added advantage that any praise or compliments you do receive are genuine, they're not a compliment on your 'performance', your image or brand, you know that somebody genuinely likes you for you.

Having said all of that, I do feel that one must be aware of the limits to online communication. It can be a painful lesson when emotions are involved, particularly as many here will know when you form a close friendship and one party disappears without any explanation.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

Absolutely. I have had 2 significant romances that fully formed entirely online. Don't get me wrong, it does require a healthy amount of practical thinking and expectation management, but it is very easily achievable. Furthermore, I wouldn't limit it just to romantic love. I have had a life-long (16 yearsish now) love affair with 2 friends that I met online back on Warcraft 3. We have met online several times and I would consider them incredibly important factors in my life, even though we are not always in contact or proximity. I love them to bits.

I think the most significant factors to consider in a discussion on whether or not love is possible online are maturity and not holding love on a pedestal. Whilst love can be a very subjective notion, I think that it has very practical roots. Love is about being in a team. It's partnership and cooperation towards a greater goal -- coexistance and happiness. Individual maturity feeds into this in that you have to know what you want. You have to ask yourself questions such as, is sex important to me? What am I willing to sacrifice if anything to make this dream work? What will our finances look like? What does he or she want with their life and how far along are they in that goal? What love mostly is not (but not always!) is some eternal, cosmic union. Romance is not dead, but stars aligning and expecting the impossible from another human being is just a recipe for disaster.

Long story short, yes it is absolutely possible but you have to use some critical thinking and expectation management.

 

[Disappointered]

I don't think I can substitute shared experiences in time and space with just words or just online interaction. I can find some form of emotional experience through just words or online interaction but it's not the same and not enough. The pet rock was a popular toy once upon a time but I never understood how that happened. I know that's an extreme example it's kind of the same since it's people getting emotional satisfaction out of a relationship to something that isn't a live person. Sure, what's a person yadayada. Maybe it doesn't matter how the feelings arise if they do but a part of me thinks it should. Maybe it's all just a matter of degree but it still matters.

 

[Garbage Person]

Yes, you can feel love anywhere. There may not be as much passion and anticipation involved in a forum as there would be with hand written letters, but there is still time and effort involved in typing a message. This might be the only warmth someone gets, similar to a prisoner who still gets mail from a loved one.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Massively depends on who you are and what the situation is. Personally I would find it difficult to find love online. I am not very expressive when it comes to my feelings in a meaningful way and I struggle a lot to communicate them through text. Without having real actions to help me express myself I don't think anyone would ever really feel any sense of affection from me, definitely not in a romantic sense. I feel like I'd probably rely a lot on physical gestures like hugs and general closeness to be affectionate which obviously isn't a thing online.

Another issue is I feel like the kind of affection shown online can often be very shallow. It's so easy to see someone sad and be like "I love you I hope you are okay" to the point where it really doesn't mean shit. To me it does seem like a lot of connections that seem great online would not translate very well into the real world where expression takes a lot more effort and kindness bombing isn't really effective. That said you might have an entire relationship just online which might make that irrelevant.

 

[Viro_Major]

Found my only GF which concretised into a real story (outside, received plenty of attention that I turned down), having lasted during 7 years, via the internet. We messaged for 6 months prior, then we met an afternoon and the same evening we "finger danced" in silence for 1 hour before kissing layered in the grass under the moonlight.
Definitely possible. You get to know some deep corners of the persons through letter correspondence that may never or take a very long time to show up otherwise. It reveals a whole another dimension, which cannot be compared to the objectivity of the matchmaking with eyes, touch, smell, attitude, senses and physical presence. But it prints out a dimension of communication that is no less valid to bond. Different side of a similar coin, potentially leading to the same happy conclusion. Then the missing parts become even more enjoyable to discover, because the foundations are there to construct the stages above. Very much like an arc you bow before releasing the dart (No poison involved lol)

 

[Disappointered]

Found my only GF which concretised into a real story (outside, received plenty of attention that I turned down), having lasted during 7 years, via the internet. We messaged for 6 months prior, then we met an afternoon and the same evening we "finger danced" in silence for 1 hour before kissing layered in the grass under the moonlight.
Definitely possible. You get to know some deep corners of the persons through letter correspondence that may never or take a very long time to show up otherwise. It reveals a whole another dimension, which cannot be compared to the objectivity of the matchmaking with eyes, touch, smell, attitude, senses and physical presence. But it prints out a dimension of communication that is no less valid to bond. Different side of a similar coin, potentially leading to the same happy conclusion. Then the missing parts become even more enjoyable to discover, because the foundations are there to construct the stages above. Very much like an arc you bow before releasing the dart (No poison involved lol)

Yes, but eventually you have to meet and share a real life together imo. If it's never going to evolve into real life it can't really be fulfilling, at least not for me.

 

[Viro_Major]

I don't know. "Old" (not wise lol) as I am, I now consider that sweet friendship can be as good if not better than love, then distance matters less. The people I really care about, I will ponder a long time before converting the relationship into a romance, because I'd rather keep them around me for forever possible with respectfully managing their integrity and mine, than risk some kind of passionate story that burns and will blow up in confetti sooner than later. I'm a lot more undecided than before, as much as thus, open minded to varied types of applications. Nowadays, I would consider to live separated if it was important for the other one, I would accept that my lover fucks another person than me (if that was put to the table with errr intelligence - for some reason I will exclude to mention sensitivity lol - anyway) because I learned to disapprove the very concept of ownership / possession. Nothing alike my twenties where my only idea of romanticism was to die together in Romeo & Juliette fashion as the only possible separation lol I try to be more gentle and reseaonable as time goes by.
That said, I can understand your viewpoint, by putting myself in your shoes. (PS: il apparait très bizarre que tu te mésestimes car tu es vraiment très adroit cérébralement, avec d'incessantes remises en question, j'ai remarqué)

 

[sadworld]

Yes you can @MiseryLovesMyCompany @_Minsk and many more

 

[Viro_Major]

Yes you can @MiseryLovesMyCompany @_Minsk and many more

Don't want to rain on your parade: but for how many fiascos ? Do we hear about all of them ? ...

 

[greebo6]

I wouldn't be able to find romantic love on line ,on a forum or anywhere else sadly....
But here in this little SS community there is so much love shown to others by so many nice people its amazing. I think on here its genuine concern and people genuinely care. The words are real and there's no hidden agenda. So even though its not in a romantic sense people do feel that shared love and concern for each other. They feel 'loved' in a way and in a place they are otherwise not.
As for on line dating....
You can easily become infatuated if you make the right connection with someone and there is a spark , but you can't truly fall in love without meeting them in person and spending time with them.
(But if two people do actually fall in love on here then good luck to them)

 

[MiseryLovesMyCompany]

Yes you can @MiseryLovesMyCompany @_Minsk and many more

I'm happy that I was tagged first.

 

[catalepsy]

Does talking to escorts count?

 

[XYZ]

I'm too cynical to believe you can love a friend you have not met in real life, got to know very well and gone through various experiences and lots of ups and downs with.

Sure, you can like someone, you can even love their writing, but you can't love them as a whole, since you don't know them. You only meet them under controlled circumstances - i.e. online, when they choose to interact with you.

I think true love is when you have seen a friend on their worst day, and they have seen you at your lowest and most horrible, and you both still would go through fire for one another.

Love... pretty hard stuff to come by...

 

[PartingGlass]

Nah, not until you meet em in person. I thought I loved someone I met here on this forum for a while, but I really didn't. I just liked her a lot and thought I did. I was just blinded by a pretty girl and acted like an idiot. It happens I suppose. Men sure are good at making fools of ourselves over women LOL

 

[Sha70]

Online love is bullshit!

 

[Disappointered]

I'm needy and lonely so I need to know the other person is there with me, in the timeline and in person, otherwise it's like my life experience still happened alone. Even for non romantic love I would feel a bit lacking if there was never any in person shared adventure, or lack thereof. The love of well-wishers on a forum isn't unimportant but it won't be enough for me. Plus I always have to wonder how many are secretly not who/what they claim or might even be a robot.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

You would have to define what love is for an answer to that question, and that is specific to each person, so no-one could give you a realistic answer.

In person, you have physical chemistry, something that you lack online. That can over rule everything but can also lead you astray, masking the underlying aspects of the other person's character that might not be compatible.

Very often the things that make you fall in love are the very things that also make it impossible to actually live with someone.

However, online, you have no physical chemistry. You interact on a purely intellectual level. Social anxiety can often be invisible and so a person's underlying character may have room to be expressed. That can lead to friendship, affection, even love. But it is without physical chemistry, and if you were to meet, it may evaporate. It may not, it depends what you find attractive about someone.

We are animals and as such exist physically, mentally and emotionally. Interacting with someone without engaging all of these aspects can be problematic, but that doesn't mean it isn't without value.

I really hate to cite a cliche, but it is what it is.

 

[Mm80]

I'm too cynical to believe you can love a friend you have not met in real life, got to know very well and gone through various experiences and lots of ups and downs with.

Sure, you can like someone, you can even love their writing, but you can't love them as a whole, since you don't know them. You only meet them under controlled circumstances - i.e. online, when they choose to interact with you.

I think true love is when you have seen a friend on their worst day, and they have seen you at your lowest and most horrible, and you both still would go through fire for one another.

Love... pretty hard stuff to come by...

So what you said to me was all bullshit then?
So we DIDNT find love in a hopeless place like you said when reciting the words of rhianna to me ?
Typical.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I still can't believe the closest I ever got to a relationship was with someone from here and who happened to live only 20 minutes away from me but she has since moved to another state and we never got to actually meet or develop anything further since. I'm pretty sure I drove her away which makes it even less likely I'd ever find anyone else anywhere ever again. :L

 

[Mm80]

Absolutely. I have had 2 significant romances that fully formed entirely online. Don't get me wrong, it does require a healthy amount of practical thinking and expectation management, but it is very easily achievable. Furthermore, I wouldn't limit it just to romantic love. I have had a life-long (16 yearsish now) love affair with 2 friends that I met online back on Warcraft 3. We have met online several times and I would consider them incredibly important factors in my life, even though we are not always in contact or proximity. I love them to bits.

I think the most significant factors to consider in a discussion on whether or not love is possible online are maturity and not holding love on a pedestal. Whilst love can be a very subjective notion, I think that it has very practical roots. Love is about being in a team. It's partnership and cooperation towards a greater goal -- coexistance and happiness. Individual maturity feeds into this in that you have to know what you want. You have to ask yourself questions such as, is sex important to me? What am I willing to sacrifice if anything to make this dream work? What will our finances look like? What does he or she want with their life and how far along are they in that goal? What love mostly is not (but not always!) is some eternal, cosmic union. Romance is not dead, but stars aligning and expecting the impossible from another human being is just a recipe for disaster.

Long story short, yes it is absolutely possible but you have to use some critical thinking and expectation management.

You look like a porno star btw. (Meant as a compliment)

 

[not4us]

You can find love everywhere.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I found love here in many different forms!

 

[W3akCr3atur3]

Yep. I can 100% confirm that as a guy who found girl in anonymous chat 18 months ago. Now we live together for a year.

If only I couldn't be suicidal :(

 

[XYZ]

So what you said to me was all bullshit then?
So we DIDNT find love in a hopeless place like you said when reciting the words of rhianna to me ?
Typical.

Nooo!! You are special. The exception that confirms the rule. You know
I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I was having a conversation with someone the other day about whether you can find love on social media. I argued that you could not because love requires authenticity that cannot exist on a platform meant for inauthentic self presentation. Is it the same on a forum or is there more authenticity because of the anonymity?

I'd say people are usually more authentic on forums than they are on social media, anonymity certainly helps. However, I don't think inauthenticity is limited to the Internet. While some things are harder or even impossible to fake with face-to-face communication, fakeness isn't exactly a product of modern technology and online communication, people are often just as full of it IRL. The issue with online relationships, I believe, is less about lack of authenticity, and more about lack of ability to show physical affection, as well as a lack of shared experiences (although the latter becomes less of an issue as technology progresses).
Feelings are a very personal thing, and as we can see here, for some people the concept of love though an online medium is realistic, and for others it is not. Really depends on a person.

 

[Mm80]

Nooo!! You are special. The exception that confirms the rule. You know
I'd catch a grenade for ya
Throw my hand on a blade for ya
I'd jump in front of a train for ya
You know I'd do anything for ya

In the famous words of meatloaf...i would do anything for love, and i WILL do that !