Some days ago I had a conversation with one of my (not so close) friends while playing video games. One of my friends enjoys a lot to spend time in the nature doing different activities or simply looking at the beauty of it. I recognized that when he described his hobbies how much that means to them. A conversation began. He talked about the aesthetics of it, how great it is just to take a look at an ocean or making a walk. My personal notion of his words were the following: He sees mother nature as a miracle, full of interesting things to discover, the unbelievable power that lies in this planet, full of life, new things to understand and learn etc.
After his description he asked me whether I feel the same. I was in an awkward situation he does not know how severe I suffer. And I did not want to fully open up about it. I said I associate a lot of violence and danger with the environment. But ended on the halfway agreeing with him but my honest opinion was hard to explain without my backstory. So here I write what would have been my honest opinion (which I kept a secret).
I can see there is a lot to discover in our world and there are many interesting phenomena. Though I think life and consciousness comes with a high risk. Maybe I gaze a little too much into the abyss how Nietzsche would have called it. But I have a negative attitude towards the nature. The nature is brutish and coldhearted. So many beings are capable to do insanely horrible things which actually happen daily. Nature works like survival of the fittest (or am I wrong by thinking that?). One could say we humans are the creators of human rights and civilzation though the varnish of civilzation is thin. So many extremely cruel things happen. People get used and abused and then have to face the consequences while being the victim of crimes. I think my own biography influences my opinion strongly. But what is the truth? One could argument the experience of life by the majority shows that. Though I think the perception of the world is not a perfect argument. For example because of human biases or the lack of education. In most country the life is full of violence they are used to feeling shit.
Some deep entrenched human brain/ mind mechanisms torture me daily. As a child I experienced severe abuse and violence. I think now my brain is hypervigilante and I suffer many very nasty and crippling conditions. I think my brain must have thought as a child that my life was in danger and increased the trasmitters which induce anxiety and panic. I am extremely sensitive to external pressure now. I take several medication against anxiety and I am still anxious as fuck daily. I did not want to answer well mother nature gave me a torture chamber as a consciousness. We don't know each other that good. Giving that answer would have sounded solipsistic because my own experience formed my opinion. Moreover I don't want to sound lachrymose always moaning about my condition.
Do you can enjoy nature? I am kind of angry on nature because of my existence. I am not sure how much I sympathize with antinatalism. I tend to the contrarian position. When people tell me how inherently shit life is I want to make arguments against that. Though when someone describes the beauty of this world I want to disagree too. Lol. As usual a foolish centrist position.
After his description he asked me whether I feel the same. I was in an awkward situation he does not know how severe I suffer. And I did not want to fully open up about it. I said I associate a lot of violence and danger with the environment. But ended on the halfway agreeing with him but my honest opinion was hard to explain without my backstory. So here I write what would have been my honest opinion (which I kept a secret).
I can see there is a lot to discover in our world and there are many interesting phenomena. Though I think life and consciousness comes with a high risk. Maybe I gaze a little too much into the abyss how Nietzsche would have called it. But I have a negative attitude towards the nature. The nature is brutish and coldhearted. So many beings are capable to do insanely horrible things which actually happen daily. Nature works like survival of the fittest (or am I wrong by thinking that?). One could say we humans are the creators of human rights and civilzation though the varnish of civilzation is thin. So many extremely cruel things happen. People get used and abused and then have to face the consequences while being the victim of crimes. I think my own biography influences my opinion strongly. But what is the truth? One could argument the experience of life by the majority shows that. Though I think the perception of the world is not a perfect argument. For example because of human biases or the lack of education. In most country the life is full of violence they are used to feeling shit.
Some deep entrenched human brain/ mind mechanisms torture me daily. As a child I experienced severe abuse and violence. I think now my brain is hypervigilante and I suffer many very nasty and crippling conditions. I think my brain must have thought as a child that my life was in danger and increased the trasmitters which induce anxiety and panic. I am extremely sensitive to external pressure now. I take several medication against anxiety and I am still anxious as fuck daily. I did not want to answer well mother nature gave me a torture chamber as a consciousness. We don't know each other that good. Giving that answer would have sounded solipsistic because my own experience formed my opinion. Moreover I don't want to sound lachrymose always moaning about my condition.
Do you can enjoy nature? I am kind of angry on nature because of my existence. I am not sure how much I sympathize with antinatalism. I tend to the contrarian position. When people tell me how inherently shit life is I want to make arguments against that. Though when someone describes the beauty of this world I want to disagree too. Lol. As usual a foolish centrist position.
