Can you attract people you're interested in but know that if they knew about your problems they'd reject you?

[Ambivalent1]

I have ocd and can't work. Whenever ive told women, they lose interest and sometimes even get mad at me. I'd lie and say I have a job, but that would imply I have money to do things. Anyway my ocd is eventually noticed.

 

[Namensjemand]

I am a 34-year-old virgin but when I fell in love with 29 I lost a lot of weight and worked out a lot and I read books on women and got really really good at attracting them. It was insane! But I was too screwed up in the head to truly welcome it and I am scarred/think I can't perform anyhow and I look clothed far better than naked, but I got a nice face and am tall and pretty eyes and I suppose I can be quite charming in instances.... but in truth I am scum who never accomplished anything good and got no virtues and nothing to offer in bed so.... Yes I know that shit situation very well.

 

[psp3000]

for me it's the other way around (having to try to get people to stop having interest in me because I have problems and issues which causes me not to have interest in relationships)

and because of rejection due to my problems same with friendships

they usually go away once they notice that I am somewhat mentally ill, socially inept, and have issues with abandonment and attachment issues

 

[Forever Sleep]

No- I'm not attractive! But that's ok. I'm not so sure I even want people to be interested in me now. I think I'm probably better off alone.

 

[Shaylla1998]

Sometimes yes, however, the majority of society would likely reject me due to my thoughts. It's so frustrating to me that I cannot be myself around anyone, I feel forced to comfort society's expectations and norms, which I highly disregard.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

Rofl. I went to a girls house because she thought we were going to sleep together. I laid in bed next to her with my mind going crazy and told her of my suicidal ideation. She said "I thought you were going to fuck me...?". Anyway, we performed some horrible oral sex on each other because I couldn't get an erection. Later she started calling me a fake, liar, phony ect... over text. And this is someone who has problems herself! People who want to CTB are usually not attractive partners.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Sometimes yes, however, the majority of society would likely reject me due to my thoughts. It's so frustrating to me that I cannot be myself around anyone, I feel forced to comfort society's expectations and norms, which I highly disregard.

Which thoughts of yours are off-putting?

 

[Shaylla1998]

Which thoughts of yours are off-putting?

CTB and CTB planning, legalization of assisted suicide for everyone regardless of circumstances and age, and the reality that exists beyond society's short sighted view.

 

[voc_89]

i have been with several women. I also knew I was messed up since I was 13 (I am now 33). My first partner (at the age of 20) I gave it my all. I also showed parts of me to her that I never did with close family. Needless to say, as my mask started coming off and I felt like I had found the one she broke up with me (I was 22 then). The pain of knowing that I got rejected because I was starting to show my vulnerability was the worst. It took about 3 years for me to start back dating. My dating experiences since then haven't been the best. I know its a very shitty thing to do but I just go with women, have sex with them and look for any excuse soon after to call it quits with them. I know why I am doing this. I still want human interaction but, I know that when you see just how broken I am you will definitely leave. Can't take that pain again. Op, if you are interested in dating then, what helped me was getting into shape (gym), improving my fashion sense (youtube videos) and reading dating help books (corny but it really helps imo). Off course though the most significant stumbling block is lack of finances. Maybe try looking for jobs that are full remote work. That way you don't have to be in unfamiliar environments that may trigger you.

 

[Konnsz]

I used to have a relationship for over 7 years...

I ended up breaking up because she was getting tired of my rants in general.

She once told me that she assimilated already I was going to die eventually, and she didn't feel a thing whenever I told her that I harmed myself (cutting)

Things were already destroyed, I don't blame her, I don't know if i should blame me.

All I know is that i needed to leave place.

I don't know if this information is useful, I kinda needed to vent

 

[platypusfan]

I had a girlfriend once, for over a year, she begged me to open up about my problems. I trusted her, and opened up for the first time ever, and she ghosted me the next day. I still think about it all the time. So yeah, never doing that again. If I ever attract someone again they'll probably get a fake version of me.

 

[Ambivalent1]

i have been with several women. I also knew I was messed up since I was 13 (I am now 33). My first partner (at the age of 20) I gave it my all. I also showed parts of me to her that I never did with close family. Needless to say, as my mask started coming off and I felt like I had found the one she broke up with me (I was 22 then). The pain of knowing that I got rejected because I was starting to show my vulnerability was the worst. It took about 3 years for me to start back dating. My dating experiences since then haven't been the best. I know its a very shitty thing to do but I just go with women, have sex with them and look for any excuse soon after to call it quits with them. I know why I am doing this. I still want human interaction but, I know that when you see just how broken I am you will definitely leave. Can't take that pain again. Op, if you are interested in dating then, what helped me was getting into shape (gym), improving my fashion sense (youtube videos) and reading dating help books (corny but it really helps imo). Off course though the most significant stumbling block is lack of finances. Maybe try looking for jobs that are full remote work. That way you don't have to be in unfamiliar environments that may trigger you.

That's helpful. My biggest fear has been telling someone my issues and being rejected. What I've done so far is back out before anything starts even sex. I've told some people and was rejected but it was pretty much headed in that direction anyway so I didn't care as much.

I had a girlfriend once, for over a year, she begged me to open up about my problems. I trusted her, and opened up for the first time ever, and she ghosted me the next day. I still think about it all the time. So yeah, never doing that again. If I ever attract someone again they'll probably get a fake version of me.

I'm often too open about my problems. They're too overwhelming to contain and keep secret, but now I know I have to keep them secret

 

[voc_89]

unfortunately its just like when people say 'talk to someone'. The person who is your lover is able to tolerate seeing your broken part for longer than the average person but slowly they will drift away. I can't really blame them as, from their perspective, we would be unstable picks. Who could blow up whenver. Maybe we could find someone and attain a 'middle ground' with them. In the interim find what works for you. That is, dabbling in dating (as they say half the fun is the chase) or settling down.