Can you afford to be weak?

[timetosleep]

Are there people here who can't afford to be weak or show any sign of weakness like myself?

I always have to fight to survive all my life and I am so tired of doing so. If I stop fighting, I would meet a fate worse than homelessness. I cry in private, but have to show that I have my life under control in public. I don't want to live like this, but I have no choice. I wish that I can afford to be weak for once, but I know that it's a dream.

For those who are in similar situation, does it take you long to brush up yourself again for another fight? It happens to me every week and it's harder and harder to go on.

 

[timf]

Trying not to attract attention and avoiding contentious people are good ways to reduce conflict situations. One can also try to negotiate by asking, "Are you sure you want to escalate this?"

 

[timetosleep]

I talking about struggling to survive, not conflict.

 

[SantaTeresa]

I feel naked every time I go outside, like if the entire world was aware of my weaknesses, aggression keeps harm at bay but causes problems on its own. I don't think one can acquire confidence, you either have it or you don't, but you can pretend to just so that most strangers don't view you as a prey.

 

[UsagiDrop]

You put it into words better than I could. I literally can't afford to be weak and I try to explain this to people all the time. I'm the "breadwinner" of my household and also the only one with a job. Everything falls onto my shoulders even if I'm not the one messing up, because it's all under my name. It's very stressful and I feel used, like a tool for others to use and enjoy their lives. There are some weeks where I just cry and cry before I go into work, and where I hope I get into a car accident or something in the commute. People tell me to "just take a day off" but I cannot. My days off aren't paid, even if I'm physically sick or hurting. I have to keep up with an every day life that I don't enjoy, and my job requires me to take care of others so I certainly cannot take those problems in with me. I always have to put on a fake smile and just get through the day. I like it when nobody knows that I am struggling. I can't afford for them to know, either.

Right now, life kind of feels like a cycle of building myself up to live another day. I wake up, build myself up to face the world, and then I tear it all down when everyone is asleep. Then, when the sun rises on the next day, I do it all over again. I feel you. I don't know what you're doing it for, but thank you for doing it. Thank you for doing it especially for yourself, despite not wanting to do it. Your efforts won't be in vain, hopefully. At the very least, you can always afford to be weak when you are by yourself, or venting on here. It's okay to cry. In fact, I hope that one day you won't think of yourself as weak at all. You're a person that's trying your best with the hand of cards you've been dealt, having a completely rational response and reaction to the draining act of living every day. Surviving is a struggle.

 

[Forever Sleep]

To a certain degree I can. I don't have any dependants and I live and work alone- so- in private- I can go to pieces to an extent. That said- I don't want to become a financial burden on my parents. I'm a creative freelancer and I've been struggling financially for ages- even when I was working all hours. Now, I don't even have the motivation to do that. I tried recently to get another job and did that for a while but it didn't work out. I have freelance work for now but I pretty much know I'll need to find something more stable again soon.

I don't know- in some ways- having responsibilites, structure and a public face I think simply MAKES people go on. Still- that can be utterly exhausting. I do feel bad for you- I'm sorry.