Shiva_Story
Student
- Mar 12, 2023
- 119
I struggle with being bound to the repetitive nature of linear time and space. I feel trapped in feedback loop of thought + feeling.
Though I've addressed basic desires, my purposelessness persists. I find myself living in a world of transactional relationships and toxic culture that's running on "Selfishness OS"
The powers of the world engage in wars, produce novel form of rubbish & print money in order to keep the game going, much to detriment of the planet and most people who are born and conditioned to be slave to narrative of survival while hooked to a habit of instant gratification. It's not sustainable.
I discern that my personality is a product of my environment - impressions made by people, media, environment, events and the relationship of my inner narrator to them.. Most of my subconscious programming was however done before i came "online" and the effort it takes to unlearn a lifetime of worker/slave-mind conditioning is insane! Still i'm an NPC most of the time. Governed by my units subconscious programming and natures directive to re-produce.
I live in a world that is super interconnected yet my story of life goes on separate from others and happens almost exclusively in its own personal universe. Despite the awareness, ego drives my reality with its self-focused story and desires. I would love to be able to get out of my head and live life of purpose, that brings value to others, the planet or the civilization but it's super hard, near impossible. And it's so easy to just consume, go with the flow and be created. I've been looking at these screens and living my NPC life almost exclusively through their proxy for so long and i think i'm getting too old and rigid to change.
It's like i incarnate daily to observe and engage in this story of biological form of life..but running out of reasons why? In prospect of deteriorating quality of life, CTB sounds like a sensible option.
Though I've addressed basic desires, my purposelessness persists. I find myself living in a world of transactional relationships and toxic culture that's running on "Selfishness OS"
The powers of the world engage in wars, produce novel form of rubbish & print money in order to keep the game going, much to detriment of the planet and most people who are born and conditioned to be slave to narrative of survival while hooked to a habit of instant gratification. It's not sustainable.
I discern that my personality is a product of my environment - impressions made by people, media, environment, events and the relationship of my inner narrator to them.. Most of my subconscious programming was however done before i came "online" and the effort it takes to unlearn a lifetime of worker/slave-mind conditioning is insane! Still i'm an NPC most of the time. Governed by my units subconscious programming and natures directive to re-produce.
I live in a world that is super interconnected yet my story of life goes on separate from others and happens almost exclusively in its own personal universe. Despite the awareness, ego drives my reality with its self-focused story and desires. I would love to be able to get out of my head and live life of purpose, that brings value to others, the planet or the civilization but it's super hard, near impossible. And it's so easy to just consume, go with the flow and be created. I've been looking at these screens and living my NPC life almost exclusively through their proxy for so long and i think i'm getting too old and rigid to change.
It's like i incarnate daily to observe and engage in this story of biological form of life..but running out of reasons why? In prospect of deteriorating quality of life, CTB sounds like a sensible option.
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