Hi all, since end of september i'm totally mentally f*cked. Every day as i woke up the first thing that comes into my head is - how will i stand the day. And it keeps me all day long. Tried all i can do to fix things, but without any progress. At first i told to myself that perhaps i'm just realizing the fact that my life sux and can't to anything about it. But this condition comes with a mindset to kill myself. Can't work, can't make money anymore, simply because money never made my day any better. During the periods with money i felt no better. Even changed the car with very expensive one. This kept me distracted for exactly 2 days.
I fell stuck. Every single morning i need to stand the cry and shouts of my 3 kids and wife. No matter what i try to do, no matter the time and efforts i put - all goes away. Tried to hire a nanny, but my wife appears to be against it. Every time we spoke about it - she creates excuses as - how can we trust one, where to find one, who will look after 3 kids for a couple of hours. Anyway this didn't work too. Tried to make holidays so we can spend some time - it was still 50/50 will i kill myself or later.
In short i don't think i love my children anymore. I don't think they deserve my efforts. I don't think i love anybody at all.
And this does not make any sense. My problems should be solvable, but in my head they are not.
Can such madness be caused on purpose by 3dr party? It feels exactly as someone gave me a pill - to want to end my life? Like i have been poisoned. There are many cases of such actions done by people without any obvious reason. Have you ever thought that there may be a group of people/orgranisation, that experiments and causes such conditions on purpose? I know i'm not important to the world at all and this is almost impossible. Bu what if?
Can such a condition really be caused by paranormal stuff. All the horror movies with poltergaist, demons and etc. - it all starts with depression. I personally find this funny, simply because if such things really exists, they won't be interested at stupid humans at all. I mean what's for a demon to be stucked in my human body. Why not in a cat, dog... However during the years i had some experience with such things. The first time it hit me was 9-10 years ago. I was laying on my bed and felt completely paralyzed. Couldn't move, and through all my body i felt something like high voltage of electricity. I couldn't move, talk, scream, my eyes were open. The only thing on my mind was - loool this shit is real, and somewhere i my head, someone said "Yes". And it went away. I told to myself that it was a dream, simple nightmare because i watched such a movie few days ago, and the paralysis is because of my memory of losing consciousness. Few months ago i got an epileptic seizure, with at leat 1 min of not breathing or heartbeat. First time in life. Went to Scanners and EEG, but everything looked fin in my brain. No logical reason to collapse at all.
Anyway my last and 2nd time was caused 4 years ago by alcohol, metaamphetamins and other exotic stuff.
Few months ago i had a day sleep. I was laying on my bed, it was sunny. The room looked exactly the same as it is supposed to be. Next thing i felt was that i woke up and can't move my arms and legs. Something invisible was holding them, but i could feel the grab and push. No electricity through my body at all. I was able to move my head but not to talk or scream at all. Was able to move my arms a little, but again something pushed them down. It all felt as there was something paranormal in the room during daylight, trying to f*ck with me. Next i woke up, and it all repeated again, but this time on the curtains i saw something like face, that laugh at me with some kind of malice. As my hands were shaking i was able to move my arms a little bit forward and with the help of my left arm, was able to point the middle finger of my right arm to the motherf*ckin thing. Next bum - just woke up as nothing happened. This time i was awake for sure. I know its funny, and should be just a dream. But again what if not? Since then i'm like poisoned for real. What do you think?
I fell stuck. Every single morning i need to stand the cry and shouts of my 3 kids and wife. No matter what i try to do, no matter the time and efforts i put - all goes away. Tried to hire a nanny, but my wife appears to be against it. Every time we spoke about it - she creates excuses as - how can we trust one, where to find one, who will look after 3 kids for a couple of hours. Anyway this didn't work too. Tried to make holidays so we can spend some time - it was still 50/50 will i kill myself or later.
In short i don't think i love my children anymore. I don't think they deserve my efforts. I don't think i love anybody at all.
And this does not make any sense. My problems should be solvable, but in my head they are not.
Can such madness be caused on purpose by 3dr party? It feels exactly as someone gave me a pill - to want to end my life? Like i have been poisoned. There are many cases of such actions done by people without any obvious reason. Have you ever thought that there may be a group of people/orgranisation, that experiments and causes such conditions on purpose? I know i'm not important to the world at all and this is almost impossible. Bu what if?
Can such a condition really be caused by paranormal stuff. All the horror movies with poltergaist, demons and etc. - it all starts with depression. I personally find this funny, simply because if such things really exists, they won't be interested at stupid humans at all. I mean what's for a demon to be stucked in my human body. Why not in a cat, dog... However during the years i had some experience with such things. The first time it hit me was 9-10 years ago. I was laying on my bed and felt completely paralyzed. Couldn't move, and through all my body i felt something like high voltage of electricity. I couldn't move, talk, scream, my eyes were open. The only thing on my mind was - loool this shit is real, and somewhere i my head, someone said "Yes". And it went away. I told to myself that it was a dream, simple nightmare because i watched such a movie few days ago, and the paralysis is because of my memory of losing consciousness. Few months ago i got an epileptic seizure, with at leat 1 min of not breathing or heartbeat. First time in life. Went to Scanners and EEG, but everything looked fin in my brain. No logical reason to collapse at all.
Anyway my last and 2nd time was caused 4 years ago by alcohol, metaamphetamins and other exotic stuff.
Few months ago i had a day sleep. I was laying on my bed, it was sunny. The room looked exactly the same as it is supposed to be. Next thing i felt was that i woke up and can't move my arms and legs. Something invisible was holding them, but i could feel the grab and push. No electricity through my body at all. I was able to move my head but not to talk or scream at all. Was able to move my arms a little, but again something pushed them down. It all felt as there was something paranormal in the room during daylight, trying to f*ck with me. Next i woke up, and it all repeated again, but this time on the curtains i saw something like face, that laugh at me with some kind of malice. As my hands were shaking i was able to move my arms a little bit forward and with the help of my left arm, was able to point the middle finger of my right arm to the motherf*ckin thing. Next bum - just woke up as nothing happened. This time i was awake for sure. I know its funny, and should be just a dream. But again what if not? Since then i'm like poisoned for real. What do you think?
