Help Can I get some positive advice regarding a situation with my ex-girlfriend?

[ThatStateOfMind]

I just wanna say that this is my first post outside of suicide discussion.

So, I'd like some help regarding my ex girlfriend. I don't know what to do or what to think.

To start off and give a basic rundown, she broke up with me in December, and got with another guy in January. This other guy was an old friend of mine and a coworker of hers. She's been alright, ups and downs since the break up.

We went through about a month of no contact, and now we contact somewhat. She said she still cares about me but doesn't feel like we're good for each other and keeps urging me to get help. I don't desire help because it's hard to envision a future without her in it. She's been talking to me like this behind her bf's back, as far as he knows, she's blocked me on everything.

So that's a basic rundown of everything. I don't quite know what I want advice on or if advice is even the right term? Maybe positive feedback or something? I'm just trying to reason everything in my head. She's going as far as to risk her current relationship because she cares about me? But she also left me? She's fully aware I'm suicidal and wants me to get help, and messaged my mom today that I might need someone to talk to. What should I even think, guys/gals?

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

The fact that she's still in contact with you, and is urging you to seek help, is a pretty clear sign that she cares about you. Also, she was honest with you and told you what she thinks about your relationship. She didn't ghost you or left you to stew in your own thoughts trying to understand what happened. I think it's fair to say that, even though you two have broken up, you still have someone who actually cares and wants good things for you.

I don't desire help because it's hard to envision a future without her in it.

Here I won't try to give you the classic "there's other fish in the sea" speech or anything like that. It's pretty clear that all of this is recent and the breakup and feelings are fresh on your mind. It's difficult to see things with any clarity when you're still in the middle of it all.

What I will say, instead, is to take notice of the actions of the people around you. Your ex, and I'm assuming your mum too, since your ex contacted her, care about your well-being. If you were to seek out help, you would have people who care, standing by your side. Do you feel like that would be something worth exploring? Whether your answer to that question is "yes" or "no", try to dig deeper into why you feel that particular way. You don't need to buy into the idea that there's a future without her or anything like that. It's a process, and no one can tell how you'll feel in a month, or six, or a year, or 10 years. Look at the reality of now, and sincerely ask yourself if you would like to give recovery a go. You're not alone.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

The fact that she's still in contact with you, and is urging you to seek help, is a pretty clear sign that she cares about you. Also, she was honest with you and told you what she thinks about your relationship. She didn't ghost you or left you to stew in your own thoughts trying to understand what happened. I think it's fair to say that, even though you two have broken up, you still have someone who actually cares and wants good things for you.


Here I won't try to give you the classic "there's other fish in the sea" speech or anything like that. It's pretty clear that all of this is recent and the breakup and feelings are fresh on your mind. It's difficult to see things with any clarity when you're still in the middle of it all.

What I will say, instead, is to take notice of the actions of the people around you. Your ex, and I'm assuming your mum too, since your ex contacted her, care about your well-being. If you were to seek out help, you would have people who care, standing by your side. Do you feel like that would be something worth exploring? Whether your answer to that question is "yes" or "no", try to dig deeper into why you feel that particular way. You don't need to buy into the idea that there's a future without her or anything like that. It's a process, and no one can tell how you'll feel in a month, or six, or a year, or 10 years. Look at the reality of now, and sincerely ask yourself if you would like to give recovery a go. You're not alone.

Thanks for your words. I'm seeing things with a much clearer head today than I had yesterday, I sincerely thanked her for her helping me yesterday and she said that she was sorry that she was kinda harsh but she cares and doesn't want anything bad to happen to me. I'm glad the breakup went on such a way that she still cares deeply for me. I should probably consider help soon honestly.

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

Thanks for your words. I'm seeing things with a much clearer head today than I had yesterday, I sincerely thanked her for her helping me yesterday and she said that she was sorry that she was kinda harsh but she cares and doesn't want anything bad to happen to me. I'm glad the breakup went on such a way that she still cares deeply for me. I should probably consider help soon honestly.

I'm glad you're seeing things clearer now, and it's good that you got to talk to her about this situation. It really does sound like she cares.

I wish you all the strength and clarity of mind to take the next step, and to do what's best for your own well-being. You have people who support you, and Internet strangers here who are cheering for you.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

I'm glad you're seeing things clearer now, and it's good that you got to talk to her about this situation. It really does sound like she cares.

I wish you all the strength and clarity of mind to take the next step, and to do what's best for your own well-being. You have people who support you, and Internet strangers here who are cheering for you.

Thanks, and I'm glad she was willing to talk to me honestly. And thanks, I'm gonna need it. I was saw a psychiatrist but I felt really overwhelmed because I felt like she was pressuring me to go the medicine route and I hadn't even tried therapy yet so I haven't been back since. She wanted me to try Prozac.

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

Thanks, and I'm glad she was willing to talk to me honestly. And thanks, I'm gonna need it. I was saw a psychiatrist but I felt really overwhelmed because I felt like she was pressuring me to go the medicine route and I hadn't even tried therapy yet so I haven't been back since. She wanted me to try Prozac.

So the psychiatrist was the first approach? Yeah, I can imagine it was weird to have medication brought up straight away then.

The usual route, as far as I know, starts with therapy and working with a psychologist. After some work, the psychologist could refer the patient to a psychiatrist if they detect that a medical approach could be required, but in many situations it's just you working with the psychologist. I would recommend getting in touch with a psychologist first, and giving therapy a try. A well trained psych should be able to offer advice once they've worked with you for a while.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

So the psychiatrist was the first approach? Yeah, I can imagine it was weird to have medication brought up straight away then.

The usual route, as far as I know, starts with therapy and working with a psychologist. After some work, the psychologist could refer the patient to a psychiatrist if they detect that a medical approach could be required, but in many situations it's just you working with the psychologist. I would recommend getting in touch with a psychologist first, and giving therapy a try. A well trained psych should be able to offer advice once they've worked with you for a while.

Yeah I'm on a waiting list for therapy at a place but I'm thinking of trying a different place. Idk why but they sent me to a psychiatrist after my first meeting there with a therapist. There's a place near me though that I believe also does therapy and I'm hoping to get in touch with them soon, and hope there's no wait list there. If I go to a therapist, or psychologist, and then I get recommended to see a psychiatrist, I might consider medication but I didn't want it to be my first avenue since I'm pretty sure they can have some significant downsides if you don't get the right one.