Can definite dates for CTB bring even more pain?

[Deleted member 17331]

A few years ago when I stayed in a psychiatric clinic, I noticed that most of my colleagues who were with me also attempted suicide. Most of them (like me), tried impulsively. But what caught my attention at that time was a roommate who (unlike everyone) had a definite date. She marked the month, day and time that she would put her ctb plan into action, and she told me that this was sometimes unbearable. The pain of knowing that her days were numbered made her collapse. Spending all her money, making donations of things considered valuable, getting rid of drawings, diaries and other important things, was one of the things she hated. I don't know exactly why it hasn't been completed. She didn't feel well talking about it, and I respected her space.

I noticed that some users here also have a huge difficulty with dates for ctb. I shared messages with a member and realized that he felt embarrassed to say goodbye with a set date and even wrote that he felt like a fraud for not finishing up and taken over by SI. After that, he ended up banning his own account and I never heard from him again. This should never be a reason to be ashamed or to feel incapable. I miss him so much...

In your perception, can definite dates also be harmful? Has it affected you in any way?

Gratitude for your time.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I don't even try with dates tbh. How can someone as mentally unstable as me say that they will definitely be ready to ctb at a certain time? Seems pointless, there is no rush.

 

[SpottedPanda]

I haven't set a date, because somehow, oddly, that'd make me feel like I'd given up control. I like the power that 'I have control' possesses. Feeling like pressurising myself into one exact moment in time would make 'I can if I like' feel like 'I have to.'

 

[KLUF]

I think that one should leave this world, if they choose to, whenever they feel it is time. Making sure that all their belongings are inherited to someone they know, or, if they don't have someone like that, well, after passing they won't care anyway.
An exit date would drive me crazy tbh, this requires thorough planning and knowing I 100% want to CTB and on that day and not the other.

 

[Stevenstevensteven]

I have a tentative date, I couldn't do it because of fathers day. I dont want to do it too close to July 4th. I do not want my children and family to morn my loss with an associated holiday. Not to say that I won't try SN on this Sunday though. I have found that if the build up is good enough for the attempt, then it doesn't matter much if its impulsive or planned as long as one is ready.

 

[clocktower]

i think aside from avoiding important events like family birthdays etc, a date isn't a good idea. i feel like it adds a certain layer of pressure, and can make you feel even worse if you find yourself not quite ready or you haven't organised everything by then. having everything ready for when you realise you're truly ready sounds much more preferable to me.

 

[Stevenstevensteven]

i think aside from avoiding important events like family birthdays etc, a date isn't a good idea. i feel like it adds a certain layer of pressure, and can make you feel even worse if you find yourself not quite ready or you haven't organised everything by then. having everything ready for when you realise you're truly ready sounds much more preferable to me.

Basically what I was trying to say. But much more elliquently. Bravo

 

[YourWayOrMine]

I planned to ctb on December 22nd, 2019 (obviously I was not successful) and the days leading up to it made me very anxious but calm. I was anxious because I wasn't sure if I would end up going through with it and I had to prepare a lot of things such as letters to my friends. But I felt calm because it was going to be over and I didn't have to worry about all the thoughts in my head.
I ended up going to the mall to hang out with my boyfriend on December 22nd because I thought that maybe it would help me realize that I wasn't ready and that I should just wait until after Christmas was over. However, it had pretty much the opposite effect. Me and him got into an argument and I impulsively overdosed despite the fact that I wasn't supposed to attempt that day. I ended up going to the psych ward for about a week.
I think it's ironic that my attempt ended up being impulsive on the day it was planned.
I don't know if this makes any sense, I'm very bad at explaining things.

 

[Deleted member 17331]

I planned to ctb on December 22nd, 2019 (obviously I was not successful) and the days leading up to it made me very anxious but calm. I was anxious because I wasn't sure if I would end up going through with it and I had to prepare a lot of things such as letters to my friends. But I felt calm because it was going to be over and I didn't have to worry about all the thoughts in my head.
I ended up going to the mall to hang out with my boyfriend on December 22nd because I thought that maybe it would help me realize that I wasn't ready and that I should just wait until after Christmas was over. However, it had pretty much the opposite effect. Me and him got into an argument and I impulsively overdosed despite the fact that I wasn't supposed to attempt that day. I ended up going to the psych ward for about a week.
I think it's ironic that my attempt ended up being impulsive on the day it was planned.
I don't know if this makes any sense, I'm very bad at explaining things.

I'm sorry for so much pain. This made sense to me and was a significant explanation. Gratitude for your time and for sharing your experience with us.

 

[lululoo]

I have tried twice now to set a date and do a prolonged anti-emetic regimen in preparation.

Both times the deadline aspect have added to the fear and stress. My mind and body became so overwhelmed, and new fears popped up that made me have to delay until I addressed them.

I have finally resolved that I will do a stat dose anti-emetic, and I will not hold myself to a specific date.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I've set dates before and while they provide temporary relief in terms of solidarity. When the actual date draws closer I find myself far more on edge.

This is why I set a loose set of conditions now instead of a date. I do know that if certain conditions are or aren't met then I'm going to CTB for sure.

 

[Aap]

It would depend on the individual. It's not uncommon for suicidal individuals to actually experience relief when a definite course of suicide is decided upon. On the other hand, if you told most people the day they would die, it might paralyze many, especially if it is close at hand.