Discussion Can a non-married man and woman share the same bed together?

[top_cat]

Sounds like a ridiculous question but we're talking about either men/women in a friendship or in a family (cousins, sisters).

My parents found it ludicrous back when I was 17 and suggested that my 20yr old female cousin who coming to visit could share my big bed while my parents remained in their bed. I thought it was but after coming to college I've heard many of my continental European classmate say that sharing beds with opposite sex siblings/friends isn't abnormal. I should mention that I come from an African family.

What exactly is the issue here with some people? I thought our gender liberal society was passed this. It's not as if every male will sexually assault their female friends/cousins because that's what this implies.

 

[housecat]

It isn't normal, but isn't exactly a huge issue. People might just judge that it's sexual, and make jokes, but that's probably because they are immature and judgemental.

 

[EmotionlessWanderer]

Cultural conditioning: the greatest enemy of mankind. Logically you don't need an expensive wedding or marriage to love someone. It's basically just human mentality and an excuse by the government to keep them on record so they can get money from divorces.

 

[JustLosingMyself]

There's only a problem if you think there's one... but bear in mind that "people" as a rule are mean spirited and will infer all sorts of gossip.

 

[noonetoo]

Uh, this mentality that "it's only wrong if you have a dirty mind" is what's wrong...
Sleeping can be an intimate yet vulnerable situation.
It's inappropriate and a step closer to incest.
Especially at an age when your hormones are high.
How about the couch? Some extra blankets on the floor?

 

[Divine Trinity]

Uh, this mentality that "it's only wrong if you have a dirty mind" is what's wrong...
Sleeping can be an intimate yet vulnerable situation.
It's inappropriate and a step closer to incest.
Especially at an age when your hormones are high.
How about the couch? Some extra blankets on the floor?

I guess the tent cities in urban areas are mass orgy fests, and people seem inclined towards incest, contrary to known bio-mechanisms that inhibit such behavior.

 

[noonetoo]

I guess the tent cities in urban areas are mass orgy fests, and people seem inclined towards incest, contrary to known bio-mechanisms that inhibit such behavior.

I'm referring to his question and that is solely my opinion.
And the immigration camps here, there's been several of assault cases. In the thousands.
It's taboo for a reason, although people want to challenge it. Billions in the world to date, outside your family.

 

[Divine Trinity]

I'm referring to his question and that is solely my opinion.
And the immigration camps here, there's been several of assault cases. In the thousands.
It's taboo for a reason, although people want to challenge it. Billions in the world to date, outside your family.

I don't think you understand the point, sleeping in a bed =/= sex or sexual desire. Sure it's your opinion, your opinion is wrong.

It's shunned in predominately in white countries with christian-dominated histories, not the majority of people today or in history. Ironically, those same white countries have a record of tolerance towards incest relationships.

 

[noonetoo]

@Divine Trinity
Actually one thing leads to another. But lol that is your opinion.

 

[Roulette]

I see nothing wrong with sharing a bed. It's just sleeping. I had to share a bed with my sister for years but that was due to being poor. I've shared a bed and tent with a female friend many times... everyone has questions but between us it really was just sleep. Reminds me of how society has a hard time accepting that a man and woman can actually be friends without feelings ever happening etc

 

[limelight]

Me and one of my best friend (who's a straight guy) used to share my king size bed when he slept over at my place. It's not like we're spooning or anything, I just don't see it as something weird if you're both comfortable with each other :p

 

[Walilamdzi]

I don't think it's weird, sharing a bed can be just sleeping.

 

[seekingoblivion]

I've shared a bed with my sister and also with my cousin. Really there is nothing inherently wrong about it. It's just mentalities. Of course though being African myself I know how, culturally speaking, it's something that's forbidden (more or less).

 

[noonetoo]

Basing off personal experience, I've been the female with teenage perverted cousins. Traumatized enough. For some it's just "sleeping", for everyone it's not the same. Doesn't make my opinion wrong sharing it.

 

[jellybelly4]

No matter what society deems as acceptable and what people teach their children, nothing is wrong with sharing a bed. I know there are some disgusting people out there but for others sharing a bed is akind to sharing the dinner table. When I haven't seen my family in a while, my mother, sister, at least 1 of my sister's boys, and myself will all share a bed. Because he is a young boy of blood relation with no prior history of abusing others, why should he not share a bed with his own family? Sleeping is all that's being done. I believe if we stop making everything, including sleeping, about sex and treat the situation for what it is this will no longer be a question. Plus when asleep everyone is vulnerable so doesn't it make sense to sleep with someone you trust regardless of gender?

Basing off personal experience, I've been the female with teenage perverted cousins. Traumatized enough. For some it's just "sleeping", for everyone it's not the same. Doesn't make my opinion wrong sharing it.

Doesn't make it right either but it is your opinion and experience

 

[vaulthunter]

based on what i went through as a child, i wouldn't let my kids and their cousins sleep in the same bed unsupervised until they're a certain age. even if not intended, kids explore and it can't be helped—but that can easily turn into something more sinister.

in the case of a 17 year old and a 20 year old, that's perfectly normal and there is honestly no problem with that. you're both adults who understand what is okay and what is not okay. children are different, and that may be what our parents have been getting at. all i know is, i wish my family waited until we were older to let us share beds.

 

[noonetoo]

No matter what society deems as acceptable and what people teach their children, nothing is wrong with sharing a bed. I know there are some disgusting people out there but for others sharing a bed is akind to sharing the dinner table. When I haven't seen my family in a while, my mother, sister, at least 1 of my sister's boys, and myself will all share a bed. Because he is a young boy of blood relation with no prior history of abusing others, why should he not share a bed with his own family? Sleeping is all that's being done. I believe if we stop making everything, including sleeping, about sex and treat the situation for what it is this will no longer be a question. Plus when asleep everyone is vulnerable so doesn't it make sense to sleep with someone you trust regardless of gender?

Doesn't make it right either but it is your opinion and experience

Uh, literally none of you are in the right to tell people their opinions are wrong when everyone is basing their opinions on their own personal experiences, obviously. But that's still your opinion and I would be hypocritical saying you are wrong. Until sexual assault, child abuse, rape, victimization, and feeling entitled to other people's bodies without their consent is stopped then we can look at it as just a bed but that'll never happen. And all those things are traumatizing, so if it's just really "sleeping", it wouldn't really hurt to sleep somewhere else. I've been homeless sleeping wherever I could just to "sleep" so don't say others can't.
And incest is still very wrong whether you like it or not. That's not just an opinion.

 

[housecat]

Uh, literally none of you are in the right to tell people their opinions are wrong when everyone is basing their opinions on their own personal experiences, obviously. But that's still your opinion and I would be hypocritical saying you are wrong. Until sexual assault, child abuse, rape, victimization, and feeling entitled to other people's bodies without their consent is stopped then we can look at it as just a bed but that'll never happen. And all those things are traumatizing, so if it's just really "sleeping", it wouldn't really hurt to sleep somewhere else. I've been homeless sleeping wherever I could just to "sleep" so don't say others can't.
And incest is still very wrong whether you like it or not. That's not just an opinion.

You seemed to be stating our mentalities were wrong for not seeing it as an issue within itself, which is probably why you came across as over the top or hypocritical.

The only issues I would have with incest would be informed consent, and intent to breed if they are close blood relations. Only some types of incest in some places are illegal, and laws aren't always the fairest judgement on what's "right" and "wrong", so it is opinion. Though this post wasn't about incest, and the question posed was broader than the example (friends or family).

 

[noonetoo]

You seemed to be stating our mentalities were wrong for not seeing it as an issue within itself, which is probably why you came across as over the top or hypocritical.

The only issues I would have with incest would be informed consent, and intent to breed if they are close blood relations. Only some types of incest in some places are illegal, and laws aren't always the fairest judgement on what's "right" and "wrong", so it is opinion. Though this post wasn't about incest, and the question posed was broader than the example (friends or family).

My first post was actually a sarcastic response to yours. Since you did start with the unnecessary name-calling. However, I can apologize on my part. I did react angrily at that, hence the "reaction".
No, When people are quoting your posts and stating your opinion is wrong is what's the problem. I can agree to disagree however I don't need floods of people constantly reacting to what I say with "your opinion isn't right", how does it make yours right thinking I'm wrong? I can agree to disagree but it's obvious it takes being assaulted in your own bed to have any sympathy and see the bigger issue. This is a suicide forum where we're supposed to be able to share freely without putting others down but you guys keep putting my opinion down because I'm wrong for having a different opinion than yours? It's not really my morals that should be questioned here. ... In the end, his parents have the authority, as he's 17, and in several countries you're still a minor at that age.

 

[housecat]

My first post was actually a sarcastic response to yours. Since you did start with the unnecessary name-calling. However, I can apologize on my part. I did react angrily at that, hence the "reaction".
No, When people are quoting your posts and stating your opinion is wrong is what's the problem. I can agree to disagree however I don't need floods of people constantly reacting to what I say with "your opinion isn't right", how does it make yours right thinking I'm wrong? I can agree to disagree but it's obvious it takes being assaulted in your own bed to have any sympathy and see the bigger issue. This is a suicide forum where we're supposed to be able to share freely without putting others down but you guys keep putting my opinion down because I'm wrong for having a different opinion than yours? It's not really my morals that should be questioned here. ... In the end, his parents have the authority, as he's 17, and in several countries you're still a minor at that age.

What on earth are you talking about? That was my first response to you. I can't really follow what you're saying. I'm out.

 

[jellybelly4]

Uh, literally none of you are in the right to tell people their opinions are wrong when everyone is basing their opinions on their own personal experiences, obviously. But that's still your opinion and I would be hypocritical saying you are wrong. Until sexual assault, child abuse, rape, victimization, and feeling entitled to other people's bodies without their consent is stopped then we can look at it as just a bed but that'll never happen. And all those things are traumatizing, so if it's just really "sleeping", it wouldn't really hurt to sleep somewhere else. I've been homeless sleeping wherever I could just to "sleep" so don't say others can't.
And incest is still very wrong whether you like it or not. That's not just an opinion.

Uh, nobody said anything about you being right or wrong, this whole thread is in response to another user. It is however ignorant as hell that you akin sleeping to incest and assuming I participate in that. If you are asleep then nothing should be happening but breathing. Your putting to much into this. Not to mention you just repeated what I said about people doing inappropriate things but drug it out a bit. Not to be insensitive about your homelessness either, but no one asked as sleeping with strangers because of extenuating circumstances doesn't cover the topic at hand. Don't mix in your own struggles with others healthy happy environments. This isn't the who struggles more bus.

 

[noonetoo]

Uh, nobody said anything about you being right or wrong, this whole thread is in response to another user. It is however ignorant as hell that you akin sleeping to incest and assuming I participate in that. If you are asleep then nothing should be happening but breathing. Your putting to much into this. Not to mention you just repeated what I said about people doing inappropriate things but drug it out a bit. Not to be insensitive about your homelessness either, but no one asked as sleeping with strangers because of extenuating circumstances doesn't cover the topic at hand. Don't mix in your own struggles with others healthy happy environments. This isn't the who struggles more bus.

Actually yes people did, if you can follow what has been posted. I won't be going back to repost just to prove it to you. Where did I state you participate in incest? And if I did, in no way was that my intention. Wouldn't it be nice if sleeping was really sleeping? However your own situation doesn't represent everyone else's. Just because you get to happily sleep doesn't mean everyone else does and that is the point. If you all were so focused of responding to someone else's thread then you would stop challenging me right? The purpose of bringing up the homelessness was an example of how if sleeping is just " sleeping", people can sleep anywhere else instead of forcing others to share their comfort zones. Don't mix in your own happiness with other people's issues. This isn't who gets to be happier and normal. And I'm not ignorant, just more aware of negative possibilities.

@housecat that was not your response but I'm sorry you have trouble following.

 

[jellybelly4]

I said what I said so stop replying

 

[noonetoo]

I said what I said so stop replying

lol exactly, same to you.

 

[Broken]

Uh, this mentality that "it's only wrong if you have a dirty mind" is what's wrong...
Sleeping can be an intimate yet vulnerable situation.
It's inappropriate and a step closer to incest.
Especially at an age when your hormones are high.
How about the couch? Some extra blankets on the floor?

Um I've slept in the same bed as my female cousin when I was younger. I would have been like 15 and she would have been 17. Don't see how that's a step closer to incest?

 

[noonetoo]

Um I've slept in the same bed as my female cousin when I was younger. I would have been like 15 and she would have been 17. Don't see how that's a step closer to incest?

Because you guys are related. It's understandable if you guys are comfortable with each other. However, many people out there have been attacked while sleeping next to relatives. I never said it's going to happen to everyone however it's good of the parents to take precaution. Not many do, just like my mother never did.

& it really must be nice to have a family you don't have to worry about attacking you, I wish it was the same for all of us.

 

[Overit1221]

My children all prefer to at least sleep in the same room (2 boys 2 girls) not necessarily the same bed. I think each situation is different. Putting young people of the opposite sex together can cause unwanted "exploration" or awkward situations. So in general I would avoid it with people my children and/or I are not very familiar with... but my kids have grown up together so it does not seem odd to them to share a room or bed and no one has been assaulted or molested.

 

[not_a_robot]

I guess the tent cities in urban areas are mass orgy fests, and people seem inclined towards incest, contrary to known bio-mechanisms that inhibit such behavior.

Now you get it.

 

[shaddix]

Had a group of friends once that had a common activity of snuggling up on the couch or sleeping in a giant bed together with no regard to sex or orientation. I thought it was really sweet.