Venting "But it's in the past, you need to move on!"

[TAW122]

Has anyone come across this phrase in day to day life, not necessarily dealing with suicidality, but any stressful or unfortunate event, issue, incident? While this is a lesser common phrase, it is still frequently used by people and I had my fair share of it. It can be infuriating depending on the context. We don't say this to victims of crime or people who have serious issues (maybe some assholes and insensitive people), but when it comes to things that don't have a visible scar (or even some that do), I hear people spew forth this line of garbage.

Similar variations of the phrase are "You need to move on, stop dwelling on the past!", "Why are you still thinking about that?!", "It's already happened, just move on", and more..

This contributes to my suifuel, but also a bit of ragefuel because it invalidates and dismisses the suffering that I went through (or anyone in similar situations). Maybe to the person it doesn't matter because it didn't affect them in any negative way, yet they don't apply that logic to victims of crime, victims of misfortune, and more. Usually the people who say these phrases are the judgmental ones (including ones that claim they are trying to be "benign" or "non-judgmental") Fuck, I hate humanity in general and sometimes I just wish bad things happen to them just so they appreciate how shitty many circumstances are.

Another similar statement stems from fallacy of relative privation, which is an appeal to people with worse problems or situations that are worse than the current existing situation, which is equally dismissive and infuriating, but that's another topic altogether.

 

[Jean4]

Great! I would love to move on!!! No doctor has been able to get me to move on from my auditory and visual hallucinations from 9/11.

If these people want to show me how to move on so I can have a normal life, I would love to!!!

 

[TimeTheTaleWereTold]

GOD i hate this fucking phrase!! as someone who suffers from c-ptsd, it absolutely infuriates me!!

 

[Soulless_Angel]

That saying is among the top 5 worst phrases!!
Yea Ill move on until the next flash back hits bringing me right back to it, Ill move on until the next trigger sends me into a panic attack, Ill just wash away those memories and pretend it never happened, because you want me to... because your life doesn't have what I have had, you may have your own bad history, but don't compare it to mine, and if I struggle to move on then I should not be judged for that!!
Yep that's my thoughts on those sorts of people!

 

[Lunaloveflood]

Yes, my mom is a fan of this phrase but she is stuck in the past too so I think that she is saying it to herself. Knowing that she project on me really helped me not getting mad at her or myself ( more like not as much lol) because she had her own problems so she also had a hard time acknowledging mine

But sometimes people use those sentences to dismiss your feeling and pain and it makes me feel sick because even being stuck in the past for a long time is not a good excuse to make people feel sad.
(PS :sorry if my English is bad)

 

[sadgirl2002]

This is the number one statement that I fucking hear which IRRITATES me. It really pisses me off, how am I supposed to move on when my brain will always remember all the awful things that have happened to me throughout my ENTIRE life?! The brain's purpose is to think, my mind will never forget my problems. It's illogical when people tell me to stop thinking about it. The statement makes me feel like my emotions and pain from my problems aren't valid and it's passed off as no big deal. No one understands me or my pain, I'm the one who actually went through my problems yet people have the nerve to say shit like that. I hate humans, I really fucking hate them. I wish bad things would happen to those type of people as well, they clearly don't know what it's like for me! Another statement that pisses me off is "people have it worse". I hate when I'm compared to others, it's yet another example of my pain not being valid. I'd rather be in a poor country with limited food and shelter than live the life I've had. I know it's cruel and terrible to say but it's how I feel.

 

[Mr2005]

To what is my answer to that

 

[Mort]

It a bit different to what you guys are saying but its in the same or of thing . I keep going to the doctors as i am a fair bit of pain due to arthritis and other things. Keep asking if they have better pain killers but they say no you have to manage it learn to live with you pain . Or its all in your head and its not as bad as you think it is . Well its worse all day all night 24 7 52 weeks of the year. Never ending very little sleep and doctors keep telling me this shit to be truefull they dont know what to do . Instead of admitting they dont know they try to convince you its in your head and and make you feel its all your fault. Had one doctor tell me they worse people out they in pain and they dont complain so why are you . To say i all most hit him well was very close i had to get out they very quickly or i would have . If you got sum they cant sort out quickly they just dont want to know you . Or the other thing is i get my prescription free at the moment and they dont like that they keep trying to get me of the pills so they can save about 20 quid a month. How sad is that 20 sodding quid .

 

[BabyYoda]

It irritates me the most whenever I hear it in the context of love/relationships/friendships. I mean, whether we like it or not, we all need some form of human connection. Why would you fucking NOT be bothered when someone you truly care for suddenly disappears. God, I really want true and genuine connections and not all this bullcrap society is pushing us to. I want to learn how to love and not treat others like disposable face masks. Aren't social connections, you know, the key into eliminating let's say, drug addiction?

I also find that phrase unhelpful because in many cases, philosophically speaking, the stuff that we have in the present are a result of the things that happened in the past. Failing in school might be something that you say is in "the past" but there will be consequences. People tend to remember the bad shit you've done before more than the good shit.

 

[Epsilon0]

To what is my answer to that

Why, to the next tragicomedy life has in store for you. What else?

 

[BPD Barbie]

People who haven't experienced trauma have this huge lack of understanding. The mentality of just picking yourself up and moving on might apply to daily life faults, but some things, time just doesn't heal and you cannot forget.

 

[Mr2005]

^
I'm wondering if people need to have gone through something to become better people but sometimes they become worse

 

[BPD Barbie]

^
I'm wondering if people need to have gone through something to become better people but sometimes they become worse

Sadly, this is no offence to anyone, trauma either makes you bitter or it makes you better. There is no middle ground. At least in my experience.

 

[Mr2005]

I'm both lol

 

[TAW122]

I grew up in an violent family where violence was celebrated as love. I would get threatened with violence constantly, and most times when I was assaulted, there was no clear reason for the conflict in the first place. When I would mention at a later time that I felt traumatized by their actions, they would say "we did it because we love you," and "it's in the past, you need to let it go."

Once I was strong enough to defend myself, I would beat the crap out of anyone who tried to touch me. They had accumulated so many abusive habits that every interaction would involve a physical altercation. As I am winning the fight, I would tell that I am striking them out of love, and that because I care about them, I have to correct their habits so they can become good people.

Now when they mention that I used to beat them, I would reply "but it's in the past, you need to let it go."

I'm glad you got your comeuppance and hope that your family have changed their ways for the better.

 

[Sweet Release]

What these people need to understand about us is that its not that we like thinking about what happened to us.
What happens is that we relive the trauma every single day.
It plays over and over like a stuck record.

But I guess expecting them to understand would be too much!

 

[NotMeant2B]

"Oh yeah, how about YOU move on about my death? Stop thinking what you could have done... Or how about I disfigure your face to a point you have to use a mask to not freak people out? Don't you dare hating on me or resenting that event, you have to move on, buddy, life goes on"

 

[Kassender]

How can i move on from the past when it keeps repeating ?

 

[Final Escape]

Yea it's not easy to move on, especially when u recognize that the institutions that many people trust are also a big reason your life has been destroyed. The 7 deadly institutions are banking/finance, healthcare/medicine(allopathic doctors), education, media, religion, science, government.