Venting burning myself as punishment

[abruptum]

i can't help but enjoy the feeling of being burnt, the pain in the moment the numbing of the skin the sharp needle feeling that goes through that burnt skin for the next while and then the underlying dull pain that stays after
i know i shouldn't be doing it rationally but it's a good punishment to teach myself i need to act better and get my shit together
i'm here on a world that doesn't have anything to offer or benefit me and nothing ever works out at all
i'm just not meant to be here and there's more evidence that shows me that than keeps me staying and yet i haven't been able to ctb
maybe burning myself i can teach myself a lesson, it tells me i have to do something productive here to please others, or off myself and get the pleasantries over with

 

[Symbiote]

I'm in that same boat with self-harm whether it's punching myself or slamming my head into objects, it's just a reminder that I need to get my shit together because no one else is going to do it for me. Sometimes I hurt myself because I need that cortisone rush too, the more pain I cause myself, the calmer I'll become after a week. This is what my parents wanted, this is what society wanted me to do, and if I protest, I get shut down pretty quickly.

 

[Last chance]

I used to do this,I repeatedly heated up a screwdriver until it was red hot and burned the word fuck into my arm. My friend watched me do it and nearly puked because if the smell of the burning flesh. The scar is now covered with a tattoo. Like you for me it was a form of self punishment.

 

[summers]

Do what you have to to make it through the day. Just be careful of infections. Use neosporin afterwards. Wishing you all the best.

 

[abruptum]

I'm in that same boat with self-harm whether it's punching myself or slamming my head into objects, it's just a reminder that I need to get my shit together because no one else is going to do it for me. Sometimes I hurt myself because I need that cortisone rush too, the more pain I cause myself, the calmer I'll become after a week. This is what my parents wanted, this is what society wanted me to do, and if I protest, I get shut down pretty quickly.

i had to stop hitting myself because i was leaving bruises all over my body but because my family is full of chefs burns can be disguised as kitchen accidents

 

[lofticries]

This was me 4 years ago. I used to burn myself on light bulbs whenever I had a stressful time at work to where I let my social anxiety get the best of me. I actually preferred it more than cutting since the sound of glass cutting into skin makes me cringe. What stopped me was pretty much knocking myself out with sleeping pills and sleeping my anger away. Not really healthy but at least its not as bad as self harm.

As someone who self harmed since 11 it really doesn't fix or teach anything. It actually makes things worse by leaving lil reminders about a time where you felt like shit.

The scars will also be hard to get rid even if they arn't that deep. Couldn't find a single thing that helps with self harm scars. Maybe the derma roller but that shit will take ages.

 

[abruptum]

This was me 4 years ago. I used to burn myself on light bulbs whenever I had a stressful time at work to where I let my social anxiety get the best of me. I actually preferred it more than cutting since the sound of glass cutting into skin makes me cringe. What stopped me was pretty much knocking myself out with sleeping pills and sleeping my anger away. Not really healthy but at least its not as bad as self harm.

As someone who self harmed since 11 it really doesn't fix or teach anything. It actually makes things worse by leaving lil reminders about a time where you felt like shit.

The scars will also be hard to get rid even if they arn't that deep. Couldn't find a single thing that helps with self harm scars. Maybe the derma roller but that shit will take ages.

its so hard to stop even when you can understand why its wrong, im more curios as to why i keep going back to self harm

 

[Squiddy]

I usually just cut especially when I've over ate, I usually cut my stomach and I love the stinging feeling. I'm trying to stop, but it's hard. I've been cutting for about 9 years now on and off...

 

[Mentalmick]

I usually just cut especially when I've over ate, I usually cut my stomach and I love the stinging feeling. I'm trying to stop, but it's hard. I've been cutting for about 9 years now on and off...

I've been doing it for about 27 years and I know I'm hopelessly addicted to it now. It doesn't even work. I wouldn't even call it self harm anymore, more like self mutilation. I took a picture on my phone of the last incident and when I look at it I can't believe it's real, it's so fucked up. If anyone can give it up you must do this because you don't want to end up stuck with it like me.

 

[Squiddy]

I've been doing it for about 27 years and I know I'm hopelessly addicted to it now. It doesn't even work. I wouldn't even call it self harm anymore, more like self mutilation. I took a picture on my phone of the last incident and when I look at it I can't believe it's real, it's so fucked up. If anyone can give it up you must do this because you don't want to end up stuck with it like me.

I actually have a few pictures of my cuts, some bleeding on a certain section of my phone, though no one can access it, but me. I feel like I'm already on the path and am trapped in addiction as sometimes, I'll cut 5 times a day :(

 

[Mentalmick]

I actually have a few pictures of my cuts, some bleeding on a certain section of my phone, though no one can access it, but me. I feel like I'm already on the path and am trapped in addiction as sometimes, I'll cut 5 times a day :(

It's not good, is it. I don't know about you but I freak out badly if I don't have access to blades. I carry knifes wherever I go just to calm me a bit. Doubt the cops would be too amused.

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

For me I bash my head hard with a blunt object. So far I've used a badminton racket, TV remote and metal pot. I used to cut myself in University but stopped after a particularly nasty cut (photo below, NSFW). I was clean for about a year but my habit returned with a vengeance with the onset of chronic pain. Until now I've been using the method above which fortunately doesn't leave lasting scars so I don't have to answer to anyone.

Spoiler

I know I should've sought medical attention, but I didn't want to risk getting kicked out of college.

I didn't want to go into the specifics at first, but now I don't feel so ashamed knowing I'm not alone.

 

[Squiddy]

It's not good, is it. I don't know about you but I freak out badly if I don't have access to blades. I carry knifes wherever I go just to calm me a bit. Doubt the cops would be too amused.

I try to have knives and scissors on me. I've thought about buying a knife, but am still deciding whether that'd be a good idea...as bad as it might be, I love a good cut and the blood falling

 

[abruptum]

For me I bash my head hard with a blunt object. So far I've used a badminton racket, TV remote and metal pot. I used to cut myself in University but stopped after a particularly nasty cut (photo below, NSFW). I was clean for about a year but my habit returned with a vengeance with the onset of chronic pain. Until now I've been using the method above which fortunately doesn't leave lasting scars so I don't have to answer to anyone.

Spoiler

View attachment 62726
I know I should've sought medical attention, but I didn't want to risk getting kicked out of college.

I didn't want to go into the specifics at first, but now I don't feel so ashamed knowing I'm not alone.

I am sorry for your expiernce but glad you were able to feel less ashamed knowing youre not alone <3

 

[WhatDoesTheFoxSay?]

For me I bash my head hard with a blunt object. So far I've used a badminton racket, TV remote and metal pot. I used to cut myself in University but stopped after a particularly nasty cut (photo below, NSFW). I was clean for about a year but my habit returned with a vengeance with the onset of chronic pain. Until now I've been using the method above which fortunately doesn't leave lasting scars so I don't have to answer to anyone.

Spoiler

View attachment 62726
I know I should've sought medical attention, but I didn't want to risk getting kicked out of college.

I didn't want to go into the specifics at first, but now I don't feel so ashamed knowing I'm not alone.

These scratches (below, again NSFW) were following a trivial mistake at work on Saturday. I'm not proud of what I did, but my self-esteem is virtually nonexistent and there's little I can do about it. I said I had an allergy and my colleagues believed me (at least it got them to stop asking questions.) I have since resigned from my job. For those of you who haven't started, don't. There'll come a point where it's nigh impossible to kick the habit.

Spoiler

 

[placeholder]

just curious so i would like to ask. is keeping yourself alive and do some good things a punishment for you?