SoapyLL
Member
- Apr 10, 2024
- 6
I've been planning to ctb for a very long time now, and my day isn't here yet as I still have a year and five months left, but something concerning has been brought into the picture. I've managed to get myself into a relationship, my very first one. I've never had experience and I didn't think I would, I have a lot of issues with my own inability to "want" real sex and receiving affection is extremely difficult. But when he asked me out I got so happy and said yes and when we talk I just don't think realistically and go on about what I like and want and he agrees.
We've only been together for a few weeks but I've shared my first kiss, make-out session, and a little more but nothing much. He's so very kind, genuine, clingy, needs reassurance and verbal consent, he's so fun, and I really connect with him but sometimes I realize this might not be right? Or morally okay?
I mean he wants everything that I really "want" but in retrospect, I know that I'm talking about dreams and desires not actually smth I think I'm going to achieve one day, and he doesn't know that.
I've only ever warned him about SH-scars covering my legs but my ctb-date is set in time and this is really all a waste of HIS time. I feel fucking awful since I've been super up-front about really liking him and wanting are relationship to go far, I feel like it would tear him apart if I just break up with him out of the blue thinking he did smth wrong? What makes it even more complicated is that he's an associate for another dept. in the same company I work. It'd be IMPOSSIBLE not to see him the majority of the week if I did end things.
Can I really bring a topic like this up? Like extremely fluffed and gently, not so much "I'm gonna ctb but I thought you'd make a great husband and dad"… If I can somehow explain things down-to-Earth he might just understand that I don't want to risk hurting him a LOT in the future if I just pretended and then decided to still ctb. He wants a partner, a companion, and a family, and I don't think I can give that to him even if we've been going great.
I feel so angry and distraught that I brought this man into something he didn't deserve to have to be a part of. Where do I even go from here?
We've only been together for a few weeks but I've shared my first kiss, make-out session, and a little more but nothing much. He's so very kind, genuine, clingy, needs reassurance and verbal consent, he's so fun, and I really connect with him but sometimes I realize this might not be right? Or morally okay?
I mean he wants everything that I really "want" but in retrospect, I know that I'm talking about dreams and desires not actually smth I think I'm going to achieve one day, and he doesn't know that.
I've only ever warned him about SH-scars covering my legs but my ctb-date is set in time and this is really all a waste of HIS time. I feel fucking awful since I've been super up-front about really liking him and wanting are relationship to go far, I feel like it would tear him apart if I just break up with him out of the blue thinking he did smth wrong? What makes it even more complicated is that he's an associate for another dept. in the same company I work. It'd be IMPOSSIBLE not to see him the majority of the week if I did end things.
Can I really bring a topic like this up? Like extremely fluffed and gently, not so much "I'm gonna ctb but I thought you'd make a great husband and dad"… If I can somehow explain things down-to-Earth he might just understand that I don't want to risk hurting him a LOT in the future if I just pretended and then decided to still ctb. He wants a partner, a companion, and a family, and I don't think I can give that to him even if we've been going great.
I feel so angry and distraught that I brought this man into something he didn't deserve to have to be a part of. Where do I even go from here?