Venting Brief notes on this hell dimension

[SexyIncél]

Makes no sense I'm going to die. But I predict the timelines, and the ones with my impending ctb currently look so likely

Low-key terrifies me. This morning was the first time I woke with terror in about a year. The horror was thin; I bounced back from it quickly & fine. But I think it signifies more to come. Like I crossed a line. Those who pass it are presumed ready for battle

I've got unusual advantages in this little hell dimension. But also frustrations. And the frustrations loom in my field of vision; I can't see beyond them. Likely a weakness of mine

Mayhaps I need to lose myself in my own inner world, free from frustrations of depending on external entities. My inner world will take inspiration from the external one. As a side-effect, events in the inner world should translate to effective action in the external

Or so the theory goes

 

[Argo]

So it's like existential anxiety? Is it a coming to terms with the fact that this reality is bad? The "unusual advantages" line resonates with me. One of my frustrations is that these advantages are unsatisfying, they don't offer enough to build some kind of foundation for living out life in this world.

I don't think the "run away into inner world" or "distract oneself" strategy is very good. It's kind of like any addictive drug as a solution, it makes one feel good but it's not a confrontation and resolution towards the actual problem, it's just a masking of it. So I think there are less and more genuine solutions in hell. Still, you can resolve both frustration and anxiety, by really committing to letting go of any problem that has no solution. Many of these negative emotions have this "no solution" feature by the way. Less abstractly:

Will we die? Yes. Can something be done about it? (insofar as one is confident that life is not salvageable?) No.

Is the world shockingly unfair? Yes. Can something be done about it? No.

And so on.. and as long as these ideas completely register, the claim is that negative emotion goes away. It can always return of course(for no other reason than we just get distracted), but the genuine antidote is always the same.

 

[SexyIncél]

Sorry, I keep writing obscurely & abstractly about personal problems I'm trying to solve, because... I dunno, maybe secrecy

Someone (who knows my situation) read my post & found it insanely obscure

So it's like existential anxiety? Is it a coming to terms with the fact that this reality is bad?

Yeah, part of the context is that... I'm going to a new country soon. There'll be a nice little adventure, to do something I consider immensely important, but the odds are hugely stacked against me

I'll likely succeed in the main goal — but I guesstimate a 60+% chance to fail miserably in something I'd really love to happen. Because others refuse to go in that direction; and I don't yet have the resources to brute-force solve it without them

And there'll probably be a decision: when my job's done, I can ctb unusually beautifully... or continue to an uncertain future where I may never get that chance again, having lost something important to me

I don't think the "run away into inner world" or "distract oneself" strategy is very good.

Ah yes, I mean... there's other people involved. They're not like me. I'm fairly adept at changing myself to fit new situations. They're not. As consultants repeat endlessly, people HATE change

I can't keep banging my head against the wall. Like a homeless person begging others to realize there's such abundant food & shelter, that there's no good reason for homelessness. Futile

(Tho come to think of it, I should make stickers pointing that out about homelessness. Stick them everywhere I go)

I won't detach from the world; just better structure my cognition

 

[Adûnâi]

Will we die? Yes. Can something be done about it? (insofar as one is confident that life is not salvageable?) No.

...Unless ASI comes along this decade and prolongs our natural lifespans to infinity and beyond. That's my strategy anyway. I can't even go outside anymore because afraid to be kidnapped by Ukrainian cops. But by remaining alive, I'm moving in time to the point of deliverance.

Ah yes, I mean... there's other people involved. They're not like me. I'm fairly adept at changing myself to fit new situations. They're not. As consultants repeat endlessly, people HATE change

Then that depends on whether you're willing to manipulate them like soulless golems?

I won't detach from the world; just better structure my cognition

Isn't understanding tautological to detachment? One doesn't discover the effect of the drugs by taking them... Or does he? Maybe there are inner and outer truths?

 

[SexyIncél]

Then that depends on whether you're willing to manipulate them like soulless golems?

One answer is: they don't need money, so I'm not about to turn them into wageslaves :P

I have sufficient influence, to not need to play such games. I'd be moving most towards their interests, which is easy. But there's a communications barrier that I need to erode... Yet I hesitate to do it, because it'll make some likely timelines suuuuuck

This is really dumb. Operating on the social level of reality is so complex. Easier to operate on natural levels, on the level of non-sentient physical tools. Humans inherit the natural levels, and add a few more layers of complexity

Anyway, the person I'd need to convince most is too damn perceptive for dishonesty to work. And our relationship exists because I increase their freedom — not reduce them to a soulless golem

I sometimes think that if I put this energy into solving more pedestrian problems, I'd be so wealthy that many classes of problems would be easily solved. I could pay others to basically multiply me. I wonder when I'll grow up & be a proper normie

Isn't understanding tautological to detachment? One doesn't discover the effect of the drugs by taking them... Or does he? Maybe there are inner and outer truths?

Well, I'd think that if I fully detach from external reality, then I'll fail to act effectively in it. Living in a windowless box...

We all necessarily detach somewhat. Reality's a big, buzzing confusion; our senses & cognition are highly limited, and filter it into something that strikes us as vaguely sane

The only thing un-mysterious is consciousness

I'm always operating based on fallible models of reality, not reality itself. Typing into this laptop reliably sends a message to you, only because so much work was done to make this a "tool". Something that more or less reliably alters part of reality according to our intentions