Breakups suck, but…

[ThatStateOfMind]

Breakups suck, but it does get better (most of the time). And if it doesn't get better, it won't get worse, and I take solace and comfort in knowing that. I've made it through the worst part, and I'm doing somewhat better I suppose. I saw a post on Suicide Discussion about a breakup that really resonated with me as it sounded similar to my situation.

Everyone who's been through one knows, it really does hurt, deeply, especially watching someone you loved date another person. For me, what hurt even worse was i found out she was flirting with this guy for about 3 days before we broke up, and he convinced her to break up with me. I miss her deeply still, and all of this happened in December.

I'm doing better than I was in December, I was planning on ending it all on New Years Eve, and soon after it, I made a half assed, failed attempt at suicide. It's not something I want to talk about though. Point is, I'm doing much better now, and maybe you guys who go through the same thing will see this and know that it can get better. Maybe not a whole lot better, but even a little helps.

Living with that, and trying to accept that has been a long and failed journey, and it's tough, but you can always pull through it.

Making this post even helps me because I've been struggling with it recently.

 

[ArchmagePrincess]

My condolences for having gone through a painful breakup. It has such a large impact on our ways of life and our emotions everywhere. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better about it. It's been nearly a year since mine and I'm still struggling so much.

I was cheated on and the new partner moved in while I still lived there. I moved out as soon as I could, but the month I was there was agonizing. The pain of seeing my old love covered in sexual marks and seeing literally every space I'd previously occupied replaced by her was enormous. My dresser, side of the bed, side of the bathroom, and my space in the closet are now all replaced with her spaces.

Thanks for sharing your own story. I hope everyone going through this can slowly heal like you have been able to.

 

[jamie_]

I was cheated on and the new partner moved in while I still lived there. I moved out as soon as I could, but the month I was there was agonizing. The pain of seeing my old love covered in sexual marks and seeing literally every space I'd previously occupied replaced by her was enormous. My dresser, side of the bed, side of the bathroom, and my space in the closet are now all replaced with her spaces.

people are fucking terrifying, how can someone actually be that unempathetic.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

My condolences for having gone through a painful breakup. It has such a large impact on our ways of life and our emotions everywhere. I'm glad to hear you're feeling better about it. It's been nearly a year since mine and I'm still struggling so much.

I was cheated on and the new partner moved in while I still lived there. I moved out as soon as I could, but the month I was there was agonizing. The pain of seeing my old love covered in sexual marks and seeing literally every space I'd previously occupied replaced by her was enormous. My dresser, side of the bed, side of the bathroom, and my space in the closet are now all replaced with her spaces.

Thanks for sharing your own story. I hope everyone going through this can slowly heal like you have been able to.

I'm sorry you've gone through a painful one too. I suppose what my ex did was cheating, but on a much smaller scale than most. At least she broke it off with me before taking it further :/.

I can't believe that the new partner moved in while you were still there, the audacity of them both is insane. I'm very glad you moved out though, I imagine it was somewhat of a relief (as much as it can be given the situation of course).

And I hope people can read this and heal as well, it was my main goal of posting it. I also hope you can continue to heal, everyone deserves to heal from a painful breakup.

 

[ArchmagePrincess]

I'm sorry you've gone through a painful one too. I suppose what my ex did was cheating, but on a much smaller scale than most. At least she broke it off with me before taking it further :/.

I can't believe that the new partner moved in while you were still there, the audacity of them both is insane. I'm very glad you moved out though, I imagine it was somewhat of a relief (as much as it can be given the situation of course).

And I hope people can read this and heal as well, it was my main goal of posting it. I also hope you can continue to heal, everyone deserves to heal from a painful breakup.

Don't need to downplay your own pain. Your ex "monkey branched" with you. Wanted to make sure they were with the next partner before leaving you so they'd never be alone, all the while leaving you in the dirt. Even with just 3 days, cheating is cheating and it's still awful and painful. Maybe it was "smaller scale" but it's painful all the same. No good comes from comparing and contrasting sorrows. What you went through was awful and you're doing a great job looking at the positives and trying to recover.

people are fucking terrifying, how can someone actually be that unempathetic.

Yeah, I ended up in so much turmoil I hid in my new room all day and only came out to cook at night and became nocturnal. I didn't want to see either of those two because it hurt too much. Yet I was the bad person in their eyes for not taking it with more grace and trying to be friendly and not hide. All she cared about was her pain of me not wanting to look her in the eyes and avoiding them, didn't give a flying fuck about how I felt. Thanks for your comment, it's honestly nice to hear that other people are terrified by what I've been through. Validates my pain.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Don't need to downplay your own pain. Your ex "monkey branched" with you. Wanted to make sure they were with the next partner before leaving you so they'd never be alone, all the while leaving you in the dirt. Even with just 3 days, cheating is cheating and it's still awful and painful. Maybe it was "smaller scale" but it's painful all the same. No good comes from comparing and contrasting sorrows. What you went through was awful and you're doing a great job looking at the positives and trying to recover.

Yeah, I was in denial of that for the first month or two following the breakup. I'm still hurt by it, I still keep in contact but I've mainly been using her to help me apply to college, then I may cut her off idk. It sucks because i do think she was a good friend to me. I'm gonna see if she'll lie to me tomorrow, I know something that she doesn't know that I know and I'll see if she'll lie about it.

Anyways thanks for the consolation though, I really do appreciate it. Im literally sitting alone in my room, sad and alone right now. I hate this feeling.

 

[ArchmagePrincess]

Yeah, I was in denial of that for the first month or two following the breakup. I'm still hurt by it, I still keep in contact but I've mainly been using her to help me apply to college, then I may cut her off idk. It sucks because i do think she was a good friend to me. I'm gonna see if she'll lie to me tomorrow, I know something that she doesn't know that I know and I'll see if she'll lie about it.

Anyways thanks for the consolation though, I really do appreciate it. Im literally sitting alone in my room, sad and alone right now. I hate this feeling.

The loneliness is crippling for sure. They're off with their new partner while you are stuck alone and it's a miserable feeling. If it's any consolation I can't imagine any relationship that begins with cheating can ever be healthy or great. If you have anyone that treats you well like a friend or family member go hang out with them and hopefully feel less alone.

In my opinion though, if you're already feeling the need to "test" your cheating ex's trustworthiness I'd say it's a sign you know they're not trustworthy, whether she lies or not during your test tomorrow. Have some self-respect and only keep people around who are good to you. No need for cheaters who make you feel this alone and sad.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

The loneliness is crippling for sure. They're off with their new partner while you are stuck alone and it's a miserable feeling. If it's any consolation I can't imagine any relationship that begins with cheating can ever be healthy or great. If you have anyone that treats you well like a friend or family member go hang out with them and hopefully feel less alone.

In my opinion though, if you're already feeling the need to "test" your cheating ex's trustworthiness I'd say it's a sign you know they're not trustworthy, whether she lies or not during your test tomorrow. Have some self-respect and only keep people around who are good to you. No need for cheaters who make you feel this alone and sad.

Yeah she went to a quinceanera with him and his friend tonight, I was going to go because a friend invited me but I found out he and her were going to be there so I decided not to. Yeah I can't imagine them lasting long, she herself has told me that herself, that she doesn't see them lasting long term, maybe her mind has changed since, no clue.

Some reasons I don't think they'll work: She talks to me behind his back (friends only but he hates me, and thinks she has me blocked), he talks to his ex, and doesn't want her talking to me because "it's different", calls other girls hot or thicc right in front of her, there's definitely more but I'm tired right now so those are the ones I can think of.

I plan on hanging out with 2 friends soon, we were planning that today and we should be hanging out next weekend if everything goes to plan. And yeah maybe you're right, me and her were friends for half a decade, I can't believe this happened, I suppose I'm looking for reasons to keep her around. At the same time, I don't think I should cut her off until I'm good and ready to, that way I'll feel more confident in my decision and less affected by it.

 

[ArchmagePrincess]

Yeah she went to a quinceanera with him and his friend tonight, I was going to go because a friend invited me but I found out he and her were going to be there so I decided not to. Yeah I can't imagine them lasting long, she herself has told me that herself, that she doesn't see them lasting long term, maybe her mind has changed since, no clue.

Some reasons I don't think they'll work: She talks to me behind his back (friends only but he hates me, and thinks she has me blocked), he talks to his ex, and doesn't want her talking to me because "it's different", calls other girls hot or thicc right in front of her, there's definitely more but I'm tired right now so those are the ones I can think of.

I plan on hanging out with 2 friends soon, we were planning that today and we should be hanging out next weekend if everything goes to plan. And yeah maybe you're right, me and her were friends for half a decade, I can't believe this happened, I suppose I'm looking for reasons to keep her around. At the same time, I don't think I should cut her off until I'm good and ready to, that way I'll feel more confident in my decision and less affected by it.

Yeah, the relationship my ex has with their new partner was already going south the little bits and pieces I saw. They were already arguing in our old bedroom saying things like "I'd rather deal with my issues with you than go back to (my name)" If they're having serious discussions about potentially ending the relationship that early on I can't imagine it's healthy.

Good to hear you're hanging out with friends soon though. When you feel this lonely it's super important to be with people so you can feel some kind of connection.

And yeah don't cut her off until you're 100% sure it's what's right for you. Even in really obvious "I should cut this person off" cases, if you do it before you're emotionally ready you can end up regretting it even years down the road. I found when I cut out a toxic person immediately out of fear or rage I ended up being unable to process all my feelings, and when I give them chance after chance to prove to me they aren't worth keeping around in any form, and I can see with my own eyes that the rose-tinted glasses are off and this person isn't any good, I feel a lot happier cutting them off.

 

[ThatStateOfMind]

Yeah, the relationship my ex has with their new partner was already going south the little bits and pieces I saw. They were already arguing in our old bedroom saying things like "I'd rather deal with my issues with you than go back to (my name)" If they're having serious discussions about potentially ending the relationship that early on I can't imagine it's healthy.

Good to hear you're hanging out with friends soon though. When you feel this lonely it's super important to be with people so you can feel some kind of connection.

And yeah don't cut her off until you're 100% sure it's what's right for you. Even in really obvious "I should cut this person off" cases, if you do it before you're emotionally ready you can end up regretting it even years down the road. I found when I cut out a toxic person immediately out of fear or rage I ended up being unable to process all my feelings, and when I give them chance after chance to prove to me they aren't worth keeping around in any form, and I can see with my own eyes that the rose-tinted glasses are off and this person isn't any good, I feel a lot happier cutting them off.

Yeah it sounds like a rocky relationship with my ex, from what she's told me. I honestly don't know why she's still with him, considering some of the stuff he's done. Your ex sounds like her relationship with the new guy was rocky to begin with.

Yeah, I'm excited to hang out with them, one of them I haven't hung out with since me and my ex broke up. I may even try to hang out with one of them tomorrow because I'm feeling lonely and he lives really close to me.

I don't feel emotionally ready or even 100% sure if it's the right call at the moment. That's the main reason I haven't, I don't want to regret my decision and not be able to undo something like that. Eventually my feelings (I still have feelings for her for some dang reason that I can't shake) will subside, and I'll be more okay with cutting her off I imagine. I really hate to say it but I'd probably still take an opportunity to be with her if I had it. She even said she thinks about me often and misses me. It's such mixed signals from her end, she said that she still likes me but I shouldn't bank on that in case her and her bf stay together.