i took a break from my relationship for 5 weeks and during the break he sort of said he will 'try' to get better, i did tho, i got so much better and when the break ended, because of his constant promises that it will all be better this time, much more 'healthy', i expected the bare minimum, reassurance, showing love and affection, the absolute barre minimum.
in the year and a half we have been dating, most were absolute HELL. i attempted several times and my bpd got so much worse i ended up in the mental hospital.
last night, i started crying because he knew i was very stressed about an exam, he blamed me for ruining his night, treated me worse, and was like 'u want anything? ima go'
bc of this i started crying and his response was leaving me alone w my thoughts knowing how much ive worked on myself and my mental issues, therapy,meds, etc.
he has also refused to see my therapist, probably scared that he'll be addressed for his fucked up actions.
this hasn't happened once or twice, multiple times. and i don't understand why i still cannot leave.
anyway, i attempted PSH and it almost worked immediately, thats when my brain started thinking of the aftermath and the horror id put my family and siblings through, i got up immediately.
he does not give a fuck but i keep asking if he wants to leave and he denies, i have tried talking to him with the utmost rawness and respect, no blaming, no guilt-tripping, i get nothing, he even becomes worse after i voice my distraught.
at the end of our convo i was telling him how much it hurts to send paragraphs and put so much effort in to be treated like a fucking nothing, i asked him if he could call again so we can solve this quickly or just to make things stable. after MY fucking attempt and MY complete breakdown, i still gathered the last bit of my rationality and tried to reason with him.
he only said 'no cant, busy. and stop this nonsense and go study. i did not reply and went to sleep, i have a huge test that determines me passing or failing and he didn't even check on me since then, not once, no texts, NOTHING. yet claims he loves me but he just cant show his love bc he's not built like that.
why do i let myself get walked all over? i don't know, everyone around me says to leave, but we're in the same uni and classes, same everything and i have to face him 24/7.
i have always been able to get over stuff and people fairly quickly, why do i love someone who doesn't care if i live or die? why?
i want out of this hell, i want to erase my memory bc i gave this guy everything. and i had so much potential before he appeared in my life. and i easily let him destroy it, just because i love too much and i feel too much.
if anyone has had or is going through something similar please give me an advice or just words of reassurance.
in the year and a half we have been dating, most were absolute HELL. i attempted several times and my bpd got so much worse i ended up in the mental hospital.
last night, i started crying because he knew i was very stressed about an exam, he blamed me for ruining his night, treated me worse, and was like 'u want anything? ima go'
bc of this i started crying and his response was leaving me alone w my thoughts knowing how much ive worked on myself and my mental issues, therapy,meds, etc.
he has also refused to see my therapist, probably scared that he'll be addressed for his fucked up actions.
this hasn't happened once or twice, multiple times. and i don't understand why i still cannot leave.
anyway, i attempted PSH and it almost worked immediately, thats when my brain started thinking of the aftermath and the horror id put my family and siblings through, i got up immediately.
he does not give a fuck but i keep asking if he wants to leave and he denies, i have tried talking to him with the utmost rawness and respect, no blaming, no guilt-tripping, i get nothing, he even becomes worse after i voice my distraught.
at the end of our convo i was telling him how much it hurts to send paragraphs and put so much effort in to be treated like a fucking nothing, i asked him if he could call again so we can solve this quickly or just to make things stable. after MY fucking attempt and MY complete breakdown, i still gathered the last bit of my rationality and tried to reason with him.
he only said 'no cant, busy. and stop this nonsense and go study. i did not reply and went to sleep, i have a huge test that determines me passing or failing and he didn't even check on me since then, not once, no texts, NOTHING. yet claims he loves me but he just cant show his love bc he's not built like that.
why do i let myself get walked all over? i don't know, everyone around me says to leave, but we're in the same uni and classes, same everything and i have to face him 24/7.
i have always been able to get over stuff and people fairly quickly, why do i love someone who doesn't care if i live or die? why?
i want out of this hell, i want to erase my memory bc i gave this guy everything. and i had so much potential before he appeared in my life. and i easily let him destroy it, just because i love too much and i feel too much.
if anyone has had or is going through something similar please give me an advice or just words of reassurance.
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