Getting diagnosed correctly can be tricky. Oftentimes BPD is misdiagnosed as bipolar disorder first.
Living happily is a journey, and involves A LOT of consistent practice managing your suicidal thoughts.
The suicidal thoughts likely won't go away entirely. It's about managing and acknowledging that they are just thoughts, then breaking down those thoughts to see what is really troubling you.
A key indicator for BPD is relentless suicidal thoughts that pop up at even the most minor inconvenience during the worst days. You won't even necessarily want to act on these thoughts, but it feels like you have to, like scratching an itch. It's dangerous and leads to several half-hearted attempts that could eventually end up lethal.
Finding your authentic self is a journey as well. Similar to living happily, practicing cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) exercises with a licensed professional is extremely useful.
Meditating, keeping a gratitude journal, frequently reanalyzing your goals... there's a lot of tools out there to try. Not all of them will suit you, (they certainly don't all suit me!) but until you take action you will never know what works for you.
A good, simple place to start? Creating your own "ABC" worksheet journal (a CBT technique that is my personal favorite).
All you need is a sheet of paper for one exercise.
Create four columns using a pen.
Title each column respectively:
1.) Activating Event (Trigger)
2.) Beliefs (Your Negative Thoughts)
3.) Consequence (What You Feel)
4.) Disputing (Challenge These Thoughts With Alternative Thinking)
The goal of this exercise is to retrain your brain to take negative perceptions (no matter how small) that inflame suicidal thoughts and put them into perspective. You'd be surprised how many thoughts aren't as big and domineering as you once believed.
It's helped me regain control of my emotions.
