Venting BPD

[Pointlessabyss]

Alright so I got diagnosed with BPD around 4 months ago after having a massive breakdown. I'm borderline sociopath as I can adapt my behaviour to my social situation to portray to people what I want them to see. Why a lot of people have been shocked when I've been open with them how my mind works as they all see me as a nice person etc. But I don't do it for self gain I like making other people happy.

Does anyone else have this disorder? How do you deal with the emptiness? Sometimes I feel so disconnected from the world that I generally don't care. It's like a switch goes off and I can go from being caring / loving to Cold as ice with zero fucks given. ( some close friends have verified this )

A lot of my behaviour is cognitive which I've learnt over the years rather than an emotional response. Why I'm trying to work through DBT videos / waiting on the course to start in March as I've truelly realised I don't recognise emotions. I just react how people expect, is this normal?

The diagnosis has helped explain a lot of things in my life, I.e past relationships, dangerous driving, drugs, pushing limits. I feel like I'm becoming more self aware but sometimes I can't control it.

Rant over. Any advice welcome!

 

[Redt2go]

I can relate to the cognitive empathy vs emotional empathy bit. No it's not normal. BUT you can learn to get better ! DBT could definitely help. Also having close friends helps. I think the fact that you've become aware is a huge step in the right direction

 

[JustAboutDone]

Hi, I'm sorry I don't have any useful advice! I just wanted to say that I think any human being has enormous capacity for change and to be the kind of person they might wish to be - if they want it. I don't know much about disorders, except that they are usually the result of varying childhood bad experiences so they are not your fault and are just a signpost, in a way, to help you get the appropriate help and care.

They don't define you.

The key thing is, as you say, self-awareness and acceptance. If you see any unhelpful behavioural traits and want to learn to change them that's great. You can do that.
I wish you all the best x

 

[bunny]

bpd will be the death of me. i've tried so much therapy and i'm self-aware, but sitting with my feelings and not hurting myself is so difficult. my feelings are so intense and my identity is unknown. i wish i was a normal girl

 

[Jlt]

I also most likely have BPDbin addition to Aspergers. I personally believe that BPD, Aspergers, and schizotypy are all related and stem from an inability to read and experience normal human emotions. "Disconnection" is spot on. I have not found success in therapy which is not to say that you won't.

I only have one piece of advice: be extremely careful who you devulge your diagnosis to. MHPs only. It is an extremely stigmatized illness.

 

[English_Rose]

Being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type One and BPD, was no shock! but I do find the BPD side of me much harder to deal with than my Bipolar. I'm often called a narcissistic personality with BPD as "apparently" I'm good at manipulating people! but I'm just good at adapting my mood to the situation depending on each person! a trait I've learnt over the year's, but now I'm a Narcissistic Bipolar BPD person! hmmmm I don't really care for the title's, the medications are good! for that out of space feeling, but other than that, I'm still trying to figure out who the f**k I am.
My advice would be...Own who you are and figure it all out accordingly to how you feel best suits you, not for other people! and don't be ashamed of who you are or you're diagnosis. That's all I can offer for now, but know you're not alone.