Bpd people: Ever been ghosted? How did you recover?

[Weebster]

I have aspects of bpd due to abandonment issues. Ghosting is Hell, especially when you felt a connection and have very few of those and no real way to find others. I talk to women who are cashiers or receptionists. It sometimes leads to texting.

I sometimes wish I could just do the casual sex route through apps, but even if it worked, it'd make me feel sick.

 

[nightnightnitrite]

I can't say I've ever been ghosted, but as someone who does the ghosting, always try and remember there's various reasons and they normally don't have to do with you. I have BPD and have a hard time maintaining relationships and sometimes I leave without explanation because I don't know what to say. I'm pretty prideful and admitting I can't handle what is being offered to me is something I don't foresee myself doing soon. :,) Other people just want to be loved for a short amount of time or have prior relationships that keep dragging them back. At the end of the day, it sucks and it's shitty but don't be so hard on yourself or take it to heart to much. People are hard to navigate but the ones that want to be there and most importantly, DESERVE to be there won't leave you guessing or searching for answers. <3

 

[Weebster]

I can't say I've ever been ghosted, but as someone who does the ghosting, always try and remember there's various reasons and they normally don't have to do with you. I have BPD and have a hard time maintaining relationships and sometimes I leave without explanation because I don't know what to say. I'm pretty prideful and admitting I can't handle what is being offered to me is something I don't foresee myself doing soon. :,) Other people just want to be loved for a short amount of time or have prior relationships that keep dragging them back. At the end of the day, it sucks and it's shitty but don't be so hard on yourself or take it to heart to much. People are hard to navigate but the ones that want to be there and most importantly, DESERVE to be there won't leave you guessing or searching for answers. <3

When someone ghosts, do they block you or just ignore any text you may send?

I've heard ghosters sometimes reappear later on. Why?

 

[Marine]

Ghosting has now become my default experience on dating sites. I can't explain it either. I can't imagine a worse hell than this one. It's deepened severe trauma and brought me closer to suicide, that's pretty much it. Telling myself that people are shit there is not enough.

Now since it's obviously not normal at all, it can't be explained by my appearance or my behaviour or simply people's shallowness for instance, I'm trying to figure out how to fix this. Currently I've made an appointment with a new trauma specialist, I'm following another one on YT who offers free ressources about grounding oneself and fixing one's nervous system and I might see an energy worker next once I've figured out the grounding thing... If I don't collapse first obviously.

Your case might be more normal though but while attachment is normal, messing with people is not so I don't know of a better solution than figuring out how to fix what might repel people without your knowledge and how to develop solid bonds so you can safely deal with things.

Occasionally there are situations that can explain this normally though if the person is unwell, busy or whatever.

 

[Weebster]

Ghosting has now become my default experience on dating sites. I can't explain it either. I can't imagine a worse hell than this one. It's deepened severe trauma and brought me closer to suicide, that's pretty much it. Telling myself that people are shit there is not enough.

Now since it's obviously not normal at all, it can't be explained by my appearance or my behaviour or simply people's shallowness for instance, I'm trying to figure out how to fix this. Currently I've made an appointment with a new trauma specialist, I'm following another one on YT who offers free ressources about grounding oneself and fixing one's nervous system and I might see an energy worker next once I've figured out the grounding thing... If I don't collapse first obviously.

Your case might be more normal though but while attachment is normal, messing with people is not so I don't know of a better solution than figuring out how to fix what might repel people without your knowledge and how to develop solid bonds so you can safely deal with things.

Occasionally there are situations that can explain this normally though if the person is unwell, busy or whatever.

The only thing I maybe did wrong was suggest hanging out too soon, which she said she wanted to do. I used to do the opposite and get ghosted for taking too long to suggest going beyond texting.

She was initiating constantly and writing a good amount, so I'm just confused. We really clicked too.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I only have 1 person I'm attached to. I've had so many convos/friends/family dropped that I don't even bother anymore, they're just going to leave.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Yes many times and it sucks I don't get over it at all each time I wonder am I really that bad to talk to...

I only have 1 person I'm attached to. I've had so many convos/friends/family dropped that I don't even bother anymore, they're just going to leave.

Likewise dude

 

[Life_and_Death]

am I really that bad to talk to...

Sounds exactly like me. I even have a thread on here asking why people hate me and they were like "we don't" basically however I'm still being treated the same.
An example that's been on my mind for a couple days is the thumb down suggestion. Last I checked I had -2 and someone else suggested the same thing maybe a day later (nothing against poster) and they have +2, but I'm not suppose to feel hated by everyone

 

[Someone123]

Getting to know people in person is the best defense against ghosting, especially if you become part of a circle of friends. That way it's not so easy to ghost someone because you have mutual friends, so people end up being more considerate usually. When you just connect with one person and it doesn't become part of a circle of friends and family it's so easy to lose connections.

 

[Weebster]

Getting to know people in person is the best defense against ghosting, especially if you become part of a circle of friends. That way it's not so easy to ghost someone because you have mutual friends, so people end up being more considerate usually. When you just connect with one person and it doesn't become part of a circle of friends and family it's so easy to lose connections.

I'm on disability and leave the house to go to the store or see a doctor. I don't know how to be in a circle. Meeting the occasional individual is what's available.

 

[Marine]

The only thing I maybe did wrong was suggest hanging out too soon, which she said she wanted to do. I used to do the opposite and get ghosted for taking too long to suggest going beyond texting.

She was initiating constantly and writing a good amount, so I'm just confused. We really clicked too.

I don't think you did anything wrong with that really. Sounds perfectly normal and friendly. I honestly don't know what happened to her. I don't know what's up with people who say they're really attracted to me, want to meet me and talk to me and all of a sudden disappear either. I wish I knew.

Have you asked her ?

 

[Weebster]

I don't think you did anything wrong with that really. Sounds perfectly normal and friendly. I honestly don't know what happened to her. I don't know what's up with people who say they're really attracted to me, want to meet me and talk to me and all of a sudden disappear either. I wish I knew.

Have you asked her ?

I texted the following day saying that I don't mean to hurry things and we can just text for awhile and then talk about hanging out later.

No response. There's several ways she could respond to that text but she's chosen not to. I find it interesting that she's doing this since she cared a lot about whether she came across as rude the other day.

 

[western_heart]

I have ghosted and been ghosted by others. the worst is when it was from someone else with BPD (I learned a lot from her, it was years before I accepted that I likely have BPD)

Now I just sort of... accept it. a mix of not trying to have close relationships as much, and acknowledgement that having them means I will hurt and be hurt.

 

[Marine]

I texted the following day saying that I don't mean to hurry things and we can just text for awhile and then talk about hanging out later.

No response. There's several ways she could respond to that text but she's chosen not to. I find it interesting that she's doing this since she cared a lot about whether she came across as rude the other day.

Have you tried asking her if she was ok / if something was wrong ?

 

[Someone123]

I'm on disability and leave the house to go to the store or see a doctor. I don't know how to be in a circle. Meeting the occasional individual is what's available.

There are ways that you might be able to become of a circle of friends, baed on some tyoe of common interest. The website meetup is basically a websit edeisgned to connect circles of friends. YOu can find people who get togtehr by age group, or by other intests- playing sorts of playing board games or gion out to eat togther of going to free concerts together- all kinds of things. First you need to think of things you would like doing, some type of interest, and then find others who like to do the same things, and connect over an activity. It's worth trynhg to9 meet peopl and get to know peopel inhb person.

 

[Weebster]

Have you tried asking her if she was ok / if something was wrong ?

I suppose I can do that today just to see. What could've happened though? She didn't respond to the text the following day or say since then "hey sorry for disappearing. Such and such happened."

There are ways that you might be able to become of a circle of friends, baed on some tyoe of common interest. The website meetup is basically a websit edeisgned to connect circles of friends. YOu can find people who get togtehr by age group, or by other intests- playing sorts of playing board games or gion out to eat togther of going to free concerts together- all kinds of things. First you need to think of things you would like doing, some type of interest, and then find others who like to do the same things, and connect over an activity. It's worth trynhg to9 meet peopl and get to know peopel inhb person.

Meetups typically draw much older people. I'm not into that.

 

[Marine]

I suppose I can do that today just to see. What could've happened though? She didn't respond to the text the following day or say since then "hey sorry for disappearing. Such and such happened."

Meetups typically draw much older people. I'm not into that.

I encourage you to do that for the heck of it.

I have the same problem with meetups. Theme bars and activities that other youths enjoy are yout best IRL bet if that's still available to you.

There's one person though lately who told me he occasionally wasn't able to talk and had to withdraw socially for lengthy periods of time sometimes. Some people have that going on. Others may have met someone else and be so engaged they aren't available to talk to you right now, or they might have gotten into an accident, hospitalized, be very exhausted, insecure, busy, or just bullshitting I couldn't tell you since I don't get it either.

 

[Weebster]

I encourage you to do that for the heck of it.

I have the same problem with meetups. Theme bars and activities that other youths enjoy are yout best IRL bet if that's still available to you.

There's one person though lately who told me he occasionally wasn't able to talk and had to withdraw socially for lengthy periods of time sometimes. Some people have that going on. Others may have met someone else and be so engaged they aren't available to talk to you right now, or they might have gotten into an accident, hospitalized, be very exhausted, insecure, busy, or just bullshitting I couldn't tell you since I don't get it either.

Thanks for motivating to text her again. I don't know if it'll go anywhere. Maybe i'm blocked. Hopefully it'll help give me closure though. Yeah, you're right anything could've happened. My life is pretty mundane so I assume it's like that for other people.

 

[TheDevilsAngel]

Sounds exactly like me. I even have a thread on here asking why people hate me and they were like "we don't" basically however I'm still being treated the same.
An example that's been on my mind for a couple days is the thumb down suggestion. Last I checked I had -2 and someone else suggested the same thing maybe a day later (nothing against poster) and they have +2, but I'm not suppose to feel hated by everyone

I'm here if you ever need to talk I won't judge nor hate on you pal. I hate how we have to suffer like this, I wish life was different I wish people were different.....

 

[Life_and_Death]

I'm here if you ever need to talk I won't judge nor hate on you pal. I hate how we have to suffer like this, I wish life was different I wish people were different.....

Thanks but I'm not good at talking

 

[nightnightnitrite]

When someone ghosts, do they block you or just ignore any text you may send?

I've heard ghosters sometimes reappear later on. Why?

A little of both! If they block you, it's probably because signals of them already not wanting anything more with you weren't picked up on, if they ignore the text it's usually less personal. The reasoning for either ghosting method does vary from person to person though! Also, sometimes people reappear because maybe you provided them exactly what they needed whether that be love, money, attention, etc. when you first started talking. I say leave people who ghost you alone. Even better- don't respond to their message! When you don't, it'll make them feel embarrassed because they were expecting you to comfort them how you did the first time around without them having to actually reciprocate genuine emotions or feelings towards you. That's not fair to you!

 

[bluedream]

I've been ghosted, and I've ghosted. Strangely enough, I ghost people because of my fear of abandonment, and being ghosted triggers that same fear. When it happens to me I try to be self aware and think if there is anything I did to cause that, and sometimes that results in a spiral and sometimes I conclude that they might just do it for the same reasons I do.