BPD love obsession

[nembutal]

last week i saw my homeless friend and decided to get us a hotel room for the night so he'd have a place to stay. well he ended up caressing me and now im rushing to provide for him again. there's a strong possibility that his affection towards me is conditional as i provided him shelter but my puppy dog mind does not care. i buckle under physical touch like a mutt desperate for an owner.

i used to see a guy every week until his attention toward me dwindled and i assured myself that if to meet his gaze meant to toil begrudgingly through the rest of the days of the week id do it. i skipped work for him, i made sure he didn't spend a dime around me, i satisfied every one of his awkward kinks, just so he'd continue keeping me around.

i get into these flings for an illusionary sense of purpose although i am ALWAYS inevitably hurt when i realize i am worth nothing more than a hook up to the other party.

i continue to fight off intent in hopes of finding my "soulmate" but i can barely find anyone who'd give me an ounce of attention outside of bed.

 

[Hadès]

last week i saw my homeless friend and decided to get us a hotel room for the night so he'd have a place to stay. well he ended up caressing me and now im rushing to provide for him again. there's a strong possibility that his affection towards me is conditional as i provided him shelter but my puppy dog mind does not care. i buckle under physical touch like a mutt desperate for an owner.

i used to see a guy every week until his attention toward me dwindled and i assured myself that if to meet his gaze meant to toil begrudgingly through the rest of the days of the week id do it. i skipped work for him, i made sure he didn't spend a dime around me, i satisfied every one of his awkward kinks, just so he'd continue keeping me around.

i get into these flings for an illusionary sense of purpose although i am ALWAYS inevitably hurt when i realize i am worth nothing more than a hook up to the other party.

i continue to fight off intent in hopes of finding my "soulmate" but i can barely find anyone who'd give me an ounce of attention outside of bed.

I understand your suffering as i myself experience most these problems, i have no friends... well i technically do have one but our friendship changed in an unpredictable outcome making our relation day by day looking less like it even tho we still talk, because of lake of friends i try to keep people around me as much as possible in vein leading me to isolate myself more and more at every person i meet, and the next persons lead me to develop behavior that i usually wouldn't do such as focusing my whole life to somehow be helpful for them in hope to keep them a little bit more, but it seems never enough. i live everyday wondering what is my purpose now that i have nobody in my life, i barely managed to graduate and got my diploma, goal that i gave myself to "give my life a chance", i should have been gone 2 months ago but nothing changed... i'm as lost as i was before graduating. i'm sorry you took this decision on instagram,i wish you the best for as long as your journey exist.

 

[nembutal]

I understand your suffering as i myself experience most these problems, i have no friends... well i technically do have one but our friendship changed in an unpredictable outcome making our relation day by day looking less like it even tho we still talk, because of lake of friends i try to keep people around me as much as possible in vein leading me to isolate myself more and more at every person i meet, and the next persons lead me to develop behavior that i usually wouldn't do such as focusing my whole life to somehow be helpful for them in hope to keep them a little bit more, but it seems never enough. i live everyday wondering what is my purpose now that i have nobody in my life, i barely managed to graduate and got my diploma, goal that i gave myself to "give my life a chance", i should have been gone 2 months ago but nothing changed... i'm as lost as i was before graduating. i'm sorry you took this decision on instagram,i wish you the best for as long as your journey exist.

i blocked you because you were spamming me and wouldn't give me time to answer your previous messages jeez

 

[Hadès]

i blocked you because you were spamming me and wouldn't give me time to answer your previous messages jeez

I don't want to be rude or sound rude but when I look at the time I sent the messages you had almost over 12h to answer me... And if for you spamming is sending 3 messages in a row because I think while I write I can't do anything about it, I wanted to have a friend and to give you a hand to show you that in this world there's still some good.

I'm not mad, you can still unblock me and try again or at least next time someone tries to do the same thing as me, explain what's the problem instead of blocking the person right away, maybe they would understand and give you more time to answer or combine the 3 messages in 1 to not spam you.

And I don't force you to answer instantly, I know people can be busy and mostly that they don't live in the same country as me so they have different time to answer, I could have easily answered you the next morning and upside down

 

[Kadaver]

last week i saw my homeless friend and decided to get us a hotel room for the night so he'd have a place to stay. well he ended up caressing me and now im rushing to provide for him again. there's a strong possibility that his affection towards me is conditional as i provided him shelter but my puppy dog mind does not care. i buckle under physical touch like a mutt desperate for an owner.

i used to see a guy every week until his attention toward me dwindled and i assured myself that if to meet his gaze meant to toil begrudgingly through the rest of the days of the week id do it. i skipped work for him, i made sure he didn't spend a dime around me, i satisfied every one of his awkward kinks, just so he'd continue keeping me around.

i get into these flings for an illusionary sense of purpose although i am ALWAYS inevitably hurt when i realize i am worth nothing more than a hook up to the other party.

i continue to fight off intent in hopes of finding my "soulmate" but i can barely find anyone who'd give me an ounce of attention outside of bed.

I feel this so hard. I don't have BPD (I don't think, anyways) but I've had similar experiences.

Both guys that I've slept with have been extremely selfish in bed to the point of essentially using me to cum and not reciprocating at all. I get that they don't have to but it made me feel shitty to put in so much effort into making them feel good only to have my needs ignored completely everytime after they got off. I want people I sleep with to want to please me as much as I want to please them but they never seem to care about how I feel.