Discussion BPD gang

[AnonymousRobin]

I was wondering how many of us have bpd, and how much it affects your desire to ctb

It mainly makes me want to take action to ctb, but I have a constant desire to ctb, I think I'll probably ctb during an episode because despite being in a state at the time I know for certain I want to

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

Yeah me, I know I am fucked for life thanks to this. And I will keep making the wrong decisions for myself.

 

[synthcadia]

i'm not sure if i have bpd or not (not diagnosed), but i think it heavily affects me a lot in wanting to ctb sometimes. but for me, since i am just always dissociating, at a certain point, i just didn't care to feel the urge to ctb much.

i'm just kinda numb. well, becoming less numb rn but that'll be undone soon.

 

[flowers in the mist]

As stated above, knowing I will feel like this for life and all the struggle that comes with it just to deal with it is enough, or at least contributes a lot to why I want to CTB.

Going through these episodes is like going through hell and it will most likely happen during once, where I can't control myself anymore. There have been several close calls regarding that before.

 

[AnonymousRobin]

Yeah me, I know I am fucked for life thanks to this. And I will keep making the wrong decisions for myself.

That's pretty much how I feel, why keep tormenting myself when I can end it

i'm not sure if i have bpd or not (not diagnosed), but i think it heavily affects me a lot in wanting to ctb sometimes. but for me, since i am just always dissociating, at a certain point, i just didn't care to feel the urge to ctb much.

i'm just kinda numb. well, becoming less numb rn but that'll be undone soon.

Sometimes that's worse, if I feel sad or extatic they're fine, but when I'm numb it's just boring and ends with depression

As stated above, knowing I will feel like this for life and all the struggle that comes with it just to deal with it is enough, or at least contributes a lot to why I want to CTB.

Going through these episodes is like going through hell and it will most likely happen during once, where I can't control myself anymore. There have been several close calls regarding that before.

That's how I've felt, I know one day I'll ruin my life, end up in prison or just go completely delusional and I'd rather end that before any of that happens

 

[flowers in the mist]

That's how I've felt, I know one day I'll ruin my life, end up in prison or just go completely delusional and I'd rather end that before any of that happens

Yeah that about sums it up.. I'm going through an episode right now and my feelings are scattered everywhere, reoccurring panic attacks and self-harm isn't something I would want for the rest of my life.. and seeking help is something I've tried many times and it's just too exhausting and leads nowhere.

 

[AnonymousRobin]

Yeah that about sums it up.. I'm going through an episode right now and my feelings are scattered everywhere, reoccurring panic attacks and self-harm isn't something I would want for the rest of my life.. and seeking help is something I've tried many times and it's just too exhausting and leads nowhere.

It's always just CBT, I've given up on therapy due to it. I'm much the same, i think I've been in an episode for a but now, but its just sh and destructive behaviour

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I have it. I consider it to be worse than being depressed all the time. Coming down from these violent outbursts and short moments of euphoric energy magnifies my desire to CTB even more I believe.

 

[nembutal]

my bpd manifests in extreme self hatred. i can't tell if it's logical or not. im just not a good person and i have nothing to show for 21 years on this earth. i also react to situations more intensely than the average person (my main reason for offing myself is the overdose of an ex, everyone else has moved on and for me it's like he died yesterday).

it doesn't help that we are statistically more likely to off ourselves before the age of 27. it's as though this conclusion was fated as soon as we got our diagnosis.

 

[Ryemi]

It's very hard to live with it, I just know I'll be like this even when I die of whatever I do or just natural causes. But I normally think I'll end up with ctb. It fucked my life so much but I'm trying to live at least for a while seeing if I'm strong or not.

 

[Nymph]

I do and I feel like it turned me into a really bad person. People say that mental illness is not an excuse which I do agree with to a degree but this is incurable and I feel like I can't control my brain and my actions and it makes me unbearable, intolerable and unlovable. Living with bpd is hell, I just wish I had a normal healthy brain. I also feel like someday an episode will finally push me over the edge and force me to do it.

 

[SanguineShark]

I have bpd and it destroys my life, I feel like I'm not worth anything at all, I'm a permanently broken thing that shouldn't even be considered human. I wish someone could kill me..

 

[callme]

Can BPD exist without violent overreactions in people who can't afford having them, because they very much will be beaten up more than once, arrested and publicly denounced as the default behaviour society has in the country they live in?

Also, if you can never afford it.

 

[Asingletwig]

There's alot of ppl on here with BPD, it really fucking sucks. Hate everything about it. The highs might be high but fuck it's not worth the lows and instability

 

[Hannah05]

18, BPD. Ruining other peoples life. I can't anymore. I just want to freaking die.

 

[kettlevinbarq]

Yeah everything is so overwhelming I just want it to stop

 

[JKFleck]

Lost my only (then) friend and support circle thanks to BPD, triggering even more cycles of self hate

 

[Tower]

Can BPD exist without violent overreactions in people who can't afford having them, because they very much will be beaten up more than once, arrested and publicly denounced as the default behaviour society has in the country they live in?

Also, if you can never afford it.

yes, it absolutely can. you might look into "quiet BPD", which is my dx. it's all the same shit really but with quiets you keep it internal and mostly self directed when around others, and fully melt down only in total privacy. it's a defense mechanism i guess, when living in hostile environments that punish any external display of negative emotion

 

[deathviahanging]

I was wondering how many of us have bpd, and how much it affects your desire to ctb

It mainly makes me want to take action to ctb, but I have a constant desire to ctb, I think I'll probably ctb during an episode because despite being in a state at the time I know for certain I want to

BPD has made me a worse person overall and it makes me feel like i deserve death, i always want to die but i have not taken the action to. sometimes the thoughts are buried deep and i forget about it for a little while. but the thoughts always come right back and its irritating im frustrated with myself constantly. im a headache to myself and others

 

[until death]

I want to stop feeling anything #fuckbpd

 

[IWishToDie]

My ex-girlfriend had BPD. She was difficult at times, let's just say that. I can say though just like her, I know you all have a beautiful inside that's imprisoned behind a fortress of bullshit. Don't forget the real you. Best of luck ladies and gentlemen with BPD.