MichaelNomad123
Jesus
- Oct 15, 2020
- 433
Hi there. This is probably the wrong place for this, but it's okay to delete it as you see fit. My stay has been brief, but it is time for me to take my tired bones elsewhere. I feel as if I have learned all that I can about my chosen method and the rest is now in my hands. My method is simple and brutal, as it has been pointed out to me more than once now, so the science of the details and motivation of the mind seems like it would be lost on most users. I can say that I am not ready to engage with my method yet but as a copious note-taker, I will be ready when the time comes. For now, I have some debauchery to engage in, some homelessness to overcome and some hope to snuff out.
I am sad that I caused some ripples with my posts today. It seems common for me when I try to involve myself in any community. I'm 32 now and this seems almost repeating. Time is a flat circle indeed. Unfortunate. Anyway, nothing I have said or done was born of malice. I genuinely mean that. In truth, I'm not sure what I hoped to gain by coming here but I think it was affinity. I'm not ashamed to admit that I had thought I may meet another soul that shared my mind, my goals and my interests. A friend for the end as it were. I suppose I did, in parts, but not as a complete picture. This is an interesting place. A dark place. A grey place. A chaotic place. I found much of what I expected to see and much of what I didn't. There is some goodness here and I'm happy it isn't just a den of sadists. At the end of roads, I would be deeply saddened to my core if all I found were ghouls and ghosts, wraiths and demons. I think that many here are lost as I am and I wish it were not so. I wish for more for you and I mean that in my heart of hearts. It is a shame. It is sad. But it is life, I suppose. I can say that I didn't find what I was looking for, but perhaps it is time for me to bury that idea in the cold ground where it belongs. Perhaps there really is only one me and perhaps there is strength in that. Perhaps there is something special about me after all, for better or worse.
Am I glad that a place like this exists? Yes. I think that I am. I think I do best in these environments. I think they bring out my best qualities. If my life circumstances were not so immediate, I could have seen myself sticking around for a lot longer. As it is though, I will leave these words of wind for you. I will add that I did find some uncomfortable aspects of this forum that make me sad and could potentially be a vulnerability for the longevity of this place. There are a lot of young users here that are unfortunately trapped in a cycle. It is not for me to blow a whistle or for me to judge their state, but as an older man it is as plain as day to me. There is something of a culture and as comforting as misery can be, it does stifle opportunity and change. That is something that is very difficult to instil in another person because ultimately each man is their own. I think of a few particular users when I think of this and as an observer (and arguably a clever one!) they are perhaps capable of lifting themselves above and beyond their suffering. I think that they have a chance at happiness if they make a leap of faith. Confronting culture is always challenging, whether you are involved in it or passing through as I am. Going against the grain is hard. Leaving your friends is tough. It hurts. But there is a purpose and it is important, as you are important -- if you let yourself be. Sometimes you have to change perspective to realize that there is a window open or a door you missed. Don't deny yourself that opportunity. I wouldn't -- mostly because it would make me feel silly to leave this world on a lie.
That is my sermon. It isn't much. Yes it's arguably ageism or whatever -ism you want to use, but sometimes some things need saying and I am often the fool that does that. It is what it is and you may take from it what you want. Many will scoff, but I would scoff back also for I have also noticed a select few users whom seem to be permanent fixtures to this place. I find that most curious given the nature of the forum. It isn't curious at all of course and the answer is quite simple, but each to their own I suppose. I am not a judge. Just a man. Take my words with a pinch of salt.
I'm not sure what the future holds. For a long time now I have been living in the moment. I feel ancient and I have done since my childhood. I have endured a lot, physical or otherwise. I hold no certainty about anything anymore. I just carry weight and memories. I can tell you that like many users here my method brings me comfort. It gives me significance. I however still hold true that life is short and finite. Death and I are not friends so I don't mind making him wait a little longer, but when we meet I hope he brings his sunglasses and some earbuds.
To those few that I sent some words to: I hope you stay the path and do what is right for you. You always have a choice and whatever you choose should be yours. You own that. That's significant. Don't forget it.
To the few that gave me drug and homelessness advice: You are gold. All of you. I have never felt so sincerely and selflessly helped. You warmed my dead heart. I mean that. Thank you.
To the ordinary folks just trying to survive: Stay strong brothers.
To the gender obsessed fragile crone that destroyed my one attempt at reaching out: Fuck you, vampire.
That's all. I'll see you in Valhalla.
I am sad that I caused some ripples with my posts today. It seems common for me when I try to involve myself in any community. I'm 32 now and this seems almost repeating. Time is a flat circle indeed. Unfortunate. Anyway, nothing I have said or done was born of malice. I genuinely mean that. In truth, I'm not sure what I hoped to gain by coming here but I think it was affinity. I'm not ashamed to admit that I had thought I may meet another soul that shared my mind, my goals and my interests. A friend for the end as it were. I suppose I did, in parts, but not as a complete picture. This is an interesting place. A dark place. A grey place. A chaotic place. I found much of what I expected to see and much of what I didn't. There is some goodness here and I'm happy it isn't just a den of sadists. At the end of roads, I would be deeply saddened to my core if all I found were ghouls and ghosts, wraiths and demons. I think that many here are lost as I am and I wish it were not so. I wish for more for you and I mean that in my heart of hearts. It is a shame. It is sad. But it is life, I suppose. I can say that I didn't find what I was looking for, but perhaps it is time for me to bury that idea in the cold ground where it belongs. Perhaps there really is only one me and perhaps there is strength in that. Perhaps there is something special about me after all, for better or worse.
Am I glad that a place like this exists? Yes. I think that I am. I think I do best in these environments. I think they bring out my best qualities. If my life circumstances were not so immediate, I could have seen myself sticking around for a lot longer. As it is though, I will leave these words of wind for you. I will add that I did find some uncomfortable aspects of this forum that make me sad and could potentially be a vulnerability for the longevity of this place. There are a lot of young users here that are unfortunately trapped in a cycle. It is not for me to blow a whistle or for me to judge their state, but as an older man it is as plain as day to me. There is something of a culture and as comforting as misery can be, it does stifle opportunity and change. That is something that is very difficult to instil in another person because ultimately each man is their own. I think of a few particular users when I think of this and as an observer (and arguably a clever one!) they are perhaps capable of lifting themselves above and beyond their suffering. I think that they have a chance at happiness if they make a leap of faith. Confronting culture is always challenging, whether you are involved in it or passing through as I am. Going against the grain is hard. Leaving your friends is tough. It hurts. But there is a purpose and it is important, as you are important -- if you let yourself be. Sometimes you have to change perspective to realize that there is a window open or a door you missed. Don't deny yourself that opportunity. I wouldn't -- mostly because it would make me feel silly to leave this world on a lie.
That is my sermon. It isn't much. Yes it's arguably ageism or whatever -ism you want to use, but sometimes some things need saying and I am often the fool that does that. It is what it is and you may take from it what you want. Many will scoff, but I would scoff back also for I have also noticed a select few users whom seem to be permanent fixtures to this place. I find that most curious given the nature of the forum. It isn't curious at all of course and the answer is quite simple, but each to their own I suppose. I am not a judge. Just a man. Take my words with a pinch of salt.
I'm not sure what the future holds. For a long time now I have been living in the moment. I feel ancient and I have done since my childhood. I have endured a lot, physical or otherwise. I hold no certainty about anything anymore. I just carry weight and memories. I can tell you that like many users here my method brings me comfort. It gives me significance. I however still hold true that life is short and finite. Death and I are not friends so I don't mind making him wait a little longer, but when we meet I hope he brings his sunglasses and some earbuds.
To those few that I sent some words to: I hope you stay the path and do what is right for you. You always have a choice and whatever you choose should be yours. You own that. That's significant. Don't forget it.
To the few that gave me drug and homelessness advice: You are gold. All of you. I have never felt so sincerely and selflessly helped. You warmed my dead heart. I mean that. Thank you.
To the ordinary folks just trying to survive: Stay strong brothers.
To the gender obsessed fragile crone that destroyed my one attempt at reaching out: Fuck you, vampire.
That's all. I'll see you in Valhalla.
