Borrow from a friend?

[SiArc]

This post is two fold. Two questions I'd like to get pov's on.

The upcoming month has a few things going on. Xmas, New Years, my bestest friend's birthday. Said bestest friend's all time favorite time of year. I hate this ti.e of year. I am planning with her husband to have her daughter, brother and family come surprise her the week before her birthday (Jan 26th). Because of these things I was going to wait for my next attempt until Feb 16th but it is so damn far away and with how I feel I do not think I can wait.

Would it be better to do it before her birthday (like the next week or two) when I know she will have lots of people around her but mar her birthday or claw it out until afterwards?

Second question is, would it be horrible to borrow a ratchet strap from her to use for my CTB since I can't buy one on my own right now and I won't steal?

The selfish part of me says no but the other side says it will scar her if she found out she provided me with the means of my demise.

Ugh, balancing what is good for me and the effect on others blow.

Thoughts?

 

[gingerplum]

I would wait. Your friend's birthday will be forever marred by the anniversary of your demise; this is a pretty awful legacy to leave her with.

As far as the ratchet strap goes, I would just take it from your friend without saying anything. I'm betting she won't miss it.

 

[SiArc]

I would wait. Your friend's birthday will be forever marred by the anniversary of your demise; this is a pretty awful legacy to leave her with.

As far as the ratchet strap goes, I would just take it from your friend without saying anything. I'm betting she won't miss it.

Things are falling apart financially because of the stuff I did when I thought my last attempt was going to work. I think I can stretch it until Feb if something goes through. I think of CTB all the time, even pretty anti-depressant medicated it hasn't gone away so it is really hard not to try again soon.

With the strap I so would but I have no idea where she keeps it. Her hubby is a pack rat.

 

[gingerplum]

Things are falling apart financially because of the stuff I did when I thought my last attempt was going to work. I think I can stretch it until Feb if something goes through. I think of CTB all the time, even pretty anti-depressant medicated it hasn't gone away so it is really hard not to try again soon.

With the strap I so would but I have no idea where she keeps it. Her hubby is a pack rat.

Ah. Well then, maybe just ask him, and have a plausible excuse for needing it.

 

[SiArc]

Ah. Well then, maybe just ask him, and have a plausible excuse for needing it.

I do have a large shelf that needs glued that a clamp won't work on. Bingo!

 

[Moth]

I think using her strap would be not a good idea. She will feel guilty, I mean trust me, I have alot of guilt that one of my friends tried killing herself with the blade she confiscated from me. Knowing someone used an item of yours to hurt themselves is painful. You live with the regret of 'if only I didn't let them have it, maybe they would still be alive'

 

[BellaKAT]

Personally my answer to your question would be no and no. don't involve anyone else if you can help it.

 

[TAW122]

I would not agree with using someone else's items to ctb, especially if you care about not wanting to traumatize or mar them with a really awful memory. However, if you don't care about it, then I suppose you could. Anyways, if it is possible to buy a ratchet strap then I would suggest getting it.

 

[Stillnotsure]

I'm learning you have to ctb when your emotions are high and you have the will to die. Overcoming the survival instinct to finally finish it is so freakin hard. Ctb when you want to. Who cares that it's near the holidays or birthdays or whatever. We think everything is so important right now. But in 100 years none of the people currently here will still be here and thinking about us as individuals. There have been people inhabiting this planet for over 2000 years. We are just a blip in time.

 

[SiArc]

I think using her strap would be not a good idea. She will feel guilty, I mean trust me, I have alot of guilt that one of my friends tried killing herself with the blade she confiscated from me. Knowing someone used an item of yours to hurt themselves is painful. You live with the regret of 'if only I didn't let them have it, maybe they would still be alive'

This is what I would worry about with that. Maybe take it without her knowing. They have very generic looking straps so... I just know I really do not have another option to get them. It sucks.

 

[SiArc]

Personally my answer to your question would be no and no. don't involve anyone else if you can help it.

I do agree but the need to go is over riding the want to not hurt her. I've spent my life thinking of everyone else that I guess my last act I have to think about myself. I just don't know if I can wait a month to go. Such opposing views blow.

 

[SiArc]

I'm learning you have to ctb when your emotions are high and you have the will to die. Overcoming the survival instinct to finally finish it is so freakin hard. Ctb when you want to. Who cares that it's near the holidays or birthdays or whatever. We think everything is so important right now. But in 100 years none of the people currently here will still be here and thinking about us as individuals. There have been people inhabiting this planet for over 2000 years. We are just a blip in time.

This one I totally agree with as well. In the overall story of things what we do or our actions unless we are legendary in some way does not matter.

 

[TheCrow]

Could you put the ratchet strap on a credit card, perhaps?

 

[Retched]

I'm learning you have to ctb when your emotions are high and you have the will to die. Overcoming the survival instinct to finally finish it is so freakin hard. Ctb when you want to. Who cares that it's near the holidays or birthdays or whatever. We think everything is so important right now. But in 100 years none of the people currently here will still be here and thinking about us as individuals. There have been people inhabiting this planet for over 2000 years. We are just a blip in time.

I thought about this yesterday when I decided that my time had come for real, and began the process. I ended up not doing it, however it will always be a holiday or someone's birthday, at least that is what I've experienced the past several months being actively suicidal but not being able to carry out my plans. Due to survival instinct, I am still here even though. It is really hard. And next time I get to that point of no return, I hope it is going to be easier because I am done, just done.