KiraComplex
sugar, spice…
- Aug 31, 2019
- 268
ive always been sensitive growing up, and ive always been somewhat alone. even in the years i should be going out and meeting other children and playing hand ball and all that shit. ive never really had real friends.
i was never aware of my loneliness, it wasnt even me ignoring it. i didnt realize how lonely and small i was until 2nd grade, where i would be bullied profusely- not even physically, i was always just thrown to the side and aggravated for laughs. i would go home and cry, only to be told that "i had lots of friends", even though i lied about all of them. no 2nd grader should be so fucking sad, that they unironically listen to death grips and cry until they passed out from exhaustion and lack of oxygen.
fast forward to 6th grade last day of school, one of my best friends left a day early so i couldnt see them, and the other friend shared no classes with me. i sat alone. pathetically alone.
some girls where doing music.lys, and told me, "can you move a little bit? youre in the background."
the year after, i developed problems. it finally solidified in my head that i was alone, and i started to have mental issues. i would cut myself and drip the blood on my bed sheets, i would lay in a bathtub and rock back and fourth for no reason without water, blah blah. the works.
i met a 18 year old and we dated. long story short he ghosted me in 8th grade and i had my lowest point in my life so far. i would wake up, cut myself, go on reddit while smoking a stolen cig, and eat ice and masturbate. regular break up shit. totally over him now, hes a creep fyi.
skip to a few years later, being now, i still get horrendously sad, and the only word that goes in my head is "anguish". i have vivid thoughts of me bleeding crimson on a cracked side walk, being stepped over by people passing by. they would get annoyed that they stepped in my pool of guts and whatevers. tmi???
sorry this is so long its 3:00 and im having sich a bad episode but im dealing. sorry idk l
i was never aware of my loneliness, it wasnt even me ignoring it. i didnt realize how lonely and small i was until 2nd grade, where i would be bullied profusely- not even physically, i was always just thrown to the side and aggravated for laughs. i would go home and cry, only to be told that "i had lots of friends", even though i lied about all of them. no 2nd grader should be so fucking sad, that they unironically listen to death grips and cry until they passed out from exhaustion and lack of oxygen.
fast forward to 6th grade last day of school, one of my best friends left a day early so i couldnt see them, and the other friend shared no classes with me. i sat alone. pathetically alone.
some girls where doing music.lys, and told me, "can you move a little bit? youre in the background."
the year after, i developed problems. it finally solidified in my head that i was alone, and i started to have mental issues. i would cut myself and drip the blood on my bed sheets, i would lay in a bathtub and rock back and fourth for no reason without water, blah blah. the works.
i met a 18 year old and we dated. long story short he ghosted me in 8th grade and i had my lowest point in my life so far. i would wake up, cut myself, go on reddit while smoking a stolen cig, and eat ice and masturbate. regular break up shit. totally over him now, hes a creep fyi.
skip to a few years later, being now, i still get horrendously sad, and the only word that goes in my head is "anguish". i have vivid thoughts of me bleeding crimson on a cracked side walk, being stepped over by people passing by. they would get annoyed that they stepped in my pool of guts and whatevers. tmi???
sorry this is so long its 3:00 and im having sich a bad episode but im dealing. sorry idk l
