Body image

[lifegoeson]

Does anyone here struggle with body images issues? Do they contribute to suicidal ideation for anyone ? Just curious

 

[Amumu]

Well yes... since I'm 10 or even before. Along with bullying it contributed to ruining my teenage years, and it keeps going.

 

[blahblahhh]

Oh yeah, majorly. It is perhaps the numbers one factor in wanting to ctb. I'll never be able to accept the image of myself.

 

[everydayiloveyou]

It used to bother me a lot more when I was younger. I got bullied for being fat and ugly in school so it was one of the main reasons I was suicidal back then. But a lot of the body image stuff that I felt bad about wasn't as permanent as I thought.

Once I changed some things about my lifestyle and started working retail, I realized how little this kind of thing matters in the real world. And also that a lot of things that seem permanent (e.g. being fat, having acne, bad teeth) are actually totally fixable.

Of course I still worry a lot about how I look, and sometimes I feel like it's not worth living if I'm gonna live as a fat ugly girl with a weird looking vision impairment. But there are lots of fat ugly people living the life that I want to live, with friends and a career and love and happiness. So it's not just that pretty people -> happy, ugly people -> sad. Of course pretty people have it easier, but life isn't automatically impossible just cuz you're born below-average.

Anyways I wouldnt be happy even if I was accepted by the kinds of people who judge others for their looks. There are things about everyone that are just unchangeable. I don't judge people's worth based on things like that, I wouldnt want to be around people who think otherwise. That's just a sad and shallow way to live.

 

[Charmolypi]

Yes. Pretty sure I had some form of BDD. I'm partially over it now, as I managed to get to a point where I tend to avoid paying much attention to my appearance somehow. In the past despising my face was once of the main reasons why I felt suicidal.
Sometimes obsessive thoughts about my appearance can resurface, but they're not as long lasting anymore.

 

[stygal]

Yes, its a huge contributor to me feeling generally unhappy.
I'm not even sure what exactly it is that I can't stand about my physical form (everything ?)
but I rather not look at myself ever.
It doesn't help that I've been heavily judged based on my appearance throughout the years: too tall, ugly, fat, unsymmetrical, skinny...you name it.
I honestly don't even know how I actually look like to others because to myself it's just this disfigured blob I'd love to forget about.

 

[lifegoeson]

Yes, its a huge contributor to me feeling generally unhappy.
I'm not even sure what exactly it is that I can't stand about my physical form (everything ?)
but I rather not look at myself ever.
It doesn't help that I've been heavily judged based on my appearance throughout the years: too tall, ugly, fat, unsymmetrical, skinny...you name it.
I honestly don't even know how I actually look like to others because to myself it's just this disfigured blob I'd love to forget about.

Yeah it's also a huge factor for me . I can work out hard and diet to manage it personally but I hate the fact that my happiness is conditional on those factors

 

[Sherri]

Yes. everyone tells me something that I dont agree when I look into the mirror of photos

 

[lifegoeson]

Well yes... since I'm 10 or even before. Along with bullying it contributed to ruining my teenage years, and it keeps going.

It's bullshit how something out of your control (to a significant extent or more I'm assuming) can cause so many issues .

 

[stygal]

Yeah it's also a huge factor for me . I can work out hard and diet to manage it personally but I hate the fact that my happiness is conditional on those factors

I've been very skinny and very muscular before and it did not change a thing for me...sadly...there seems to be no real solution for this internalized feeling of self-loathing.

Hugs to you!

 

[lifegoeson]

Yes. everyone tells me something that I dont agree when I look into the mirror of photos

It's sad how your body and body perception can affect a person's mindset so much .

 

[Sherri]

It's sad how your body and body perception can affect a person's mindset so much .

there was a time I would cover my toilet mirrors. That's how bad it got.

 

[Charmolypi]

there was a time I would cover my toilet mirrors. That's how bad it got.

There was a time I avoided turning on the light in the bathroom. Sometime I used one or two candles instead.

 

[lifegoeson]

Y

I've been very skinny and very muscular before and it did not change a thing for me...sadly...there seems to be no real solution for this internalized feeling of self-loathing.

Hugs to you!for

I've been very skinny and very muscular before and it did not change a thing for me...sadly...there seems to be no real solution for this internalized feeling of self-loathing.

Hugs to you!

I've been very skinny and very muscular before and it did not change a thing for me...sadly...there seems to be no real solution for this internalized feeling of self-loathing.

Hugs to you!

For me personally when I got to a size I liked muscle wise I felt much happier overall, however underlying it all I was still sad that that needs to be a met condition for me to be happy in life. Especially considering how difficult it is to maintain (for me at least ).

 

[Sherri]

There was a time I avoided turning on the light in the bathroom. Sometime I used one or two candles instead.

Also guilty on that. Good to know in some extent I was not the only one. Sending you hugs.

 

[lifegoeson]

So

there was a time I would cover my toilet mirrors. That's how bad it got.

Do you think your perception is grounded in reality at all or do you think it's just your mind playing games ?

 

[Sherri]

So

Do you think your perception is grounded in reality at all or do you think it's just your mind playing games ?

I think it's our minds playing tricks almost sure of it. If normies see us as the opposite it's the only logical explanation I have.

 

[lifegoeson]

I

Oh yeah, majorly. It is perhaps the numbers one factor in wanting to ctb. I'll never be able to accept the image of myself.

It's so difficult ay

Oh yeah, majorly. It is perhaps the numbers one factor in wanting to ctb. I'll never be able to accept the image of myself.

I agree . I honestly find myself saying if I could transfer my consciousness into another body or even a robot I wouldn't ctb

I think it's our minds playing tricks almost sure of it. If normies see us as the opposite it's the only logical explanation I have.

That's very reasonable . For me personally I think I look 'good enough' (not bragging ) but only on the condition that I'm constantly working out and eating strictly . Once that slips I feel like I 'lose my looks'. It's exhausting and I hate it . Sounds silly but it's just a weird problem I've struggled with since 15/16 and always hoped it would disappear once I reached adulthood and just 'filled out '

 

[Amumu]

It's bullshit how something out of your control (to a significant extent or more I'm assuming) can cause so many issues .

Also, there is a difference between being considered unattractive and having body image issues.
I've had both, and you can have one without the other one, even though the first one often causes the second one.

 

[death137]

Its the main reason why I want to ctb. Being both ugly and short is a curse.

 

[Soulless Angel]

I truely loathe myself and my body, have done for year's, managed to hide it, but now I make it known I simply can't stand myself, looking in the mirror I'm disgusted at the face looking back at me, in the shower, I look at the rolls of fat and just want to cry, I know some say well just lose weight, its simply not that easy for some, age, health, being two main factors, (PCOS is one of my main issues, it causes weight gain, and it's hard to shift) It's mainly my tummy and hips and its horrid.
There was a time I tried to fake the confidence and self love, but Nope didn't last long, couldn't do it, felt such an idiot.

 

[Fragile]

I have terrible health issues that basically cripple me, but this is nothing compared to how I feel about my body, I sincerely believe that If I had been born with at least average looks, I could've live regardless of my other issues, and I wouldn't be commenting on this forum.

Knowing that I'll never be at peace with how I perceive myself in the mirror is my main reason.

 

[loopylou]

Was severely underweight as a kid. Abusive mum. Had a eating disorder

now it's flipped, after 9 years of mental health meds I have gone from a size 8 to a size 14 without doing anything different but the pills. I feel fat and lathargic and I have given up even thinking about doing anything about it

 

[Doomcat]

Yes. But not because I think I have to look a certain way to live. It's because my body issues are so severe that I don't think I can connect to another person because of them (I want to, I really do, but how can I be with someone when I can't even stand to see my own reflection), and the loneliness will eventually be what kills me.

Was severely underweight as a kid. Abusive mum. Had a eating disorder

now it's flipped, after 9 years of mental health meds I have gone from a size 8 to a size 14 without doing anything different but the pills. I feel fat and lathargic and I have given up even thinking about doing anything about it

When I first presented as suicidal, the docs freaked out and put me on meds. I told them specifically that body issues were why I was suicidal in the first place and that they couldn't give anything that would make me gain weight. I was assured my meds were "weight stable" yet I gained 20 pounds on the meds, so I dropped them (that also almost killed me with withdrawal) and I've lost some of the weight, but I swear my metabolism is still affected. And now my suicide ideation is back, stronger than ever.