Venting Bloody Torture. This Is Bloody Fucking Torture.

[Daxter_87]

As much as I appreciate people's replies, I'm probably not going to even read anything or do anything with this thread other than vent for the sake of letting out this absolute shit. I'm way too busy planning how to get prescribed AEs anyway. It takes up the few hours I'm awake and not eating or doing some chores. This is absolutely awful. I'm sleep-deprived. I go to bed around 4.00-5.00 in the morning. I don't sleep shit, I don't do shit. I've been dysfunctional for a long time, but it's never been this fucking bad. As ridiculous as it sounds, it takes me three or three and a half hours to eat, and that's every meal. I don't interact on the forum or do anything else for the same reason. That and, as mentioned, because I'm too busy planning how to kill myself for good. God-fucking-damn. This is just an odd and ridiculous way to torture a person. My head feels like it's going to explode, I literally hear a weird sound in my head 24/7. It's hard to describe, but it's there all the time, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. I don't know if it's the lack of sleep, the extreme stress, or who fucking knows what. But it definitely makes it feel all the more like a nightmare scenario, kind of a nightmare ambient sound. I'm enduring hell, I feel trapped in a never-ending nightmare. Some time ago I even dreamed that I had been kidnapped. That's how I fucking feel - kidnapped on this fucking earth and in this fucking sadistic life.

 

[FuneralCry]

That must be really torturous what you are going through, it's certainly such a hellish existence where people have to suffer so unbearably. But anyway best wishes, I hope that you eventually find freedom from your suffering.