Hey please don't try to ctb off medication. I've been in your shoes before and I can tell you it will not work
Have you considered that you survived the hanging for a reason? If you need someone to talk to I'm here
I read your post and you seem like a lovely person, I'm sorry for the pain you feel. Could you go more into depth about why you want to ctb?
I'm not going to try and kill myself with the medication, just thinking it may help with loss of consciousness during hanging due to the drop in blood pressure.
My reasons are many. Almost all due to severe anxiety.
I also have chronic akathisia which is torture in itself and is caused by medication to help my anxiety. Been off it for four months, and the akathisia is still there. The last few months before my first attempts in early December, I really messed things up financially. I was convinced I was going to be dead by now so I stopped paying all my bills months prior, I maxed out all my credit cards (mostly bought gifts for coworkers) which has destroyed my credit when it was excellent. I then lost a good job because of the akathisia, my health care, stocks, was evicted from my apartment, had to move in with my dad at the age of 33 who doesn't understand any of this. So the added stress of the new financial mess has really made it all just too much. My anxiety causes me to avoid responsibilities and neglect self-care. For example, I've have an abscessed tooth for over two years but simply making the call for an appointment makes me too anxious and now I don't even have the dental care or money even if I wanted to. My old apartment suffered water damage and later the floors started to cave in, and I just let it get worse because I couldn't make the call to get it fixed and was too uncomfortable with them being in my apartment working on it. Even though the water damage wasn't my fault, I'm also being sued for neglect and damages on top of the eviction. So last year I was there, I would step over holes every time I had to go into my bathroom.
I completely isolate myself, other than social media. I used to have a huge group of friends and was very social and hung out with popular artists that would make others jealous. Everyone loved me and I make friends easily (I hide it all with my sense of humor) but none of that matters because I self sabotage.
I can't use any medication for the anxiety or depression because they all give me akathisia which is the worst sensation I've ever experienced. I've had restless leg syndrome since I was a kid so I think I'm just easily prone to movement disorders. Lately, it's been at a level where I can actually sit down for periods at a time, but it always strikes hard again. I have had partial seizures since I was a teenager and I'm convinced it's wiped my memory, especially long term memory and has done other damage. I have frequent migraines, visual and auditory disturbances and hallucinations, endometriosis that affects me daily, RA which makes playing music now too difficult and was my passion, crippling chest pains since I was a toddler, I'm just a mess and always in pain and always uncomfortable and always anxious which has ruined my life and now I'm always depressed. I sometimes get a small window here and there of feeling okay or even good, but even that is now spent just posting a funny meme on facebook because it doesn't last long enough to actually get out and do something.
My dad is expecting me to get out there and find a job and save money and move out, and he doesn't understand how difficult that is for me and I HATE not working and feeling like a burden and I am.
And this is all just off the top of my head.
if we are talking partial, I wouldn't recommend it. Partial is not for everyone and relies a lot on luck - finding and compressing the carotid artery. Also there is survival instinct - it makes you stop it once you start getting dizzy. At least this was for me, even though I had consumed a lot of alcohol.
If you can do handle it, I would advise full suspension hanging - much more reliable. All it needs is a horizontal beam, determination to do it, alcohol and some benzos.
All my failed attempts so far have been partial. My problem, as it is for many, I just can't pass out. But I also always used the kneeling method with my knees on the floor which I now know is problematic. The longest I waited before stopping was around 40 seconds. I don't understand how blood chokes are apparently, so easy and fast and yet hanging is this difficult for so many of us. I was thinking about wrapping something around the cord or whatever I'll use, right on top of the arteries (nothing soft), almost like adding artificial fingers, so the pressure is aimed more directly at the carotid artery but I'm unsure about this as well.
