Venting black sheep

[devil]

you ever been around your entire family and felt so out of place?
well I have.
tonight my family came in from out of town and it was suppose to be a happy night
but I actually felt more depressed. Idk I guess i'm just tired of faking my way through life
and pretending i'm perfectly fine when actually i'm dying inside. everyone in my family seems
so happy when i'm not around so I just feel like no one is going to miss me. I'm just so ready to ctb, I can't deal
with this shit anymore. I'm so fucking tired man, the only way I can get by each day is by
drinking or doing drugs and I just can't keep putting up with it.
I feel like screaming

 

[bigj75]

definitely. I'm adopted and my entire family is white. I'm the literal black sheep of the family.

 

[TimeToDie]

Back when I had a family, I spent most of my life not grasping how fucked up I was because my family was the standard that I compared myself to. I likely would have seen my glaring problems had I been surrounded by normal people.

 

[not_a_robot]

If I hadn't left home at 18, I'd have ctb by 19.

 

[inconsequential]

Yeah. They all disowned me for telling CPS that daddy was doing shit he shouldn't have been doing. I didn't wanna go to a damn group home! Or I would've shut up for 4 more years.

(Truancy.)

 

[WinterIsComing]

you ever been around your entire family and felt so out of place?
well I have.
tonight my family came in from out of town and it was suppose to be a happy night
but I actually felt more depressed. Idk I guess i'm just tired of faking my way through life
and pretending i'm perfectly fine when actually i'm dying inside. everyone in my family seems
so happy when i'm not around so I just feel like no one is going to miss me. I'm just so ready to ctb, I can't deal
with this shit anymore. I'm so fucking tired man, the only way I can get by each day is by
drinking or doing drugs and I just can't keep putting up with it.
I feel like screaming

Well mostly with friends...you know how you compare yourself with their good life....


They go with the: oh i'm in my college club, i know this famous person, i travelled, etc.

You:...

*Then you realize they cling in external things mmmm

 

[bigj75]

Yeah. They all disowned me for telling CPS that daddy was doing shit he shouldn't have been doing. I didn't wanna go to a damn group home! Or I would've shut up for 4 more years.

(Truancy.)

Wtf. how can they disown you if you were telling the truth?

 

[inconsequential]

Wtf. how can they disown you if you were telling the truth?

I broke up the family. I spoke about what wasn't supposed to be spoken of.

 

[bigj75]

I broke up the family. I spoke about what wasn't supposed to be spoken of.

what about justice? that can't just go ignored like it never happened. doesn't sound like family to me.

 

[blanketyblk]

I broke up the family. I spoke about what wasn't supposed to be spoken of.

Fuck them.. if they want to treat you like that for what happened to you.. then god your better off without then. fark. some people on this planet are just fucking awful!.

At least you can take stock in the fact your a million times better person then they are!
hugs


My fathers side of our family have ignored me most of my life. i think I've seen them once in 40+ years. and of course it was to go over his will when he passed away. The only thing he left to them was a very old Christmas tree that goes back around 3 generations in his family and since i couldn't have kids he wanted it to go to them since they had children. Yeah, it hurt me a little hearing that. but it's just life.

 

[Faraway1990]

Yeah all my life, I see things clearly and they all keep in there perceptions of what they want and not what is.

 

[RM5998]

Yeah... The rest of them are successful, they have a handle on their lives. Meanwhile, here I am, wasting away, sucking up my parents' money.

Coincidentally, my skin has gone from being absurdly white to absurdly dark. I wonder if that's a sign.

 

[Darkhaven]

I'm definately a "black sheep" and have been so since my early teens.
The truth is i hate being around people, including my family.
I hate having noise in my house; i hate having a lot of people sitting around me at table, always asking "oh do you mind passing me the salad? " excuse me, can you give the juice bottle?"; i hate having people pouring into my bedroom and invading my privacy; i hate having people trying to pet my cats when they clearly don't want to be touched. I just want to shout and tell them to go away but i can't because i'm still financially dependent and it's my mother's house, so she decides who comes and stay. And she is always bringing in my grandparents. To worsen things, they are all baptised Jehovah's Witnesses and you can see, as i, the only one along with my uncle, who is not into it feel as they ramble on their "prophecies".
I just hope i am able to work and get away from this house as soon as possible.

 

[StupidLizard]

Yes absolutely. In every family gathering, I am stand-off and seldom does anyone speak to me. I think everyone considers me lowly and not worth their time; in contrast to other individuals.

I'm quiet. The thoughts of being excluded, disliked and overall feeling like an outcast manifest in my head. When someone does bother to talk to me, its brief and I think out of empathy and not true interest.

 

[Faraway1990]

I'm definately a "black sheep" and have been so since my early teens.
The truth is i hate being around people, including my family.
I hate having noise in my house; i hate having a lot of people sitting around me at table, always asking "oh do you mind passing me the salad? " excuse me, can you give the juice bottle?"; i hate having people pouring into my bedroom and invading my privacy; i hate having people trying to pet my cats when they clearly don't want to be touched. I just want to shout and tell them to go away but i can't because i'm still financially dependent and it's my mother's house, so she decides who comes and stay. And she is always bringing in my grandparents. To worsen things, they are all baptised Jehovah's Witnesses and you can see, as i, the only one along with my uncle, who is not into it feel as they ramble on their "prophecies".
I just hope i am able to work and get away from this house as soon as possible.

I really don't mean to be rude when I ask this and you don't have to answer I'm just an upfront kinda person. Do you have high functioning autism? This reminds me a lot of my love who has high functioning autism(you barely notice unless you know the person). But that Jehovah witness thing I completely relate to and that pisses me off not because I have a problem with the beliefs it's how non stop they are about it. And everyone deserves guaranteed personal space.


Thank you

 

[Darkhaven]

I really don't mean to be rude when I ask this and you don't have to answer I'm just an upfront kinda person. Do you have high functioning autism? This reminds me a lot of my love who has high functioning autism(you barely notice unless you know the person). But that Jehovah witness thing I completely relate to and that pisses me off not because I have a problem with the beliefs it's how non stop they are about it. And everyone deserves guaranteed personal space.


Thank you

I probably do. It's nothing i haven't thought about before. If not autism then it's some other personality disorder like Borderline.
But now i'm curious. What did led you to make rhe assumption?

 

[JoeFailure]

I'm definately a "black sheep" and have been so since my early teens.
The truth is i hate being around people, including my family.
I hate having noise in my house; i hate having a lot of people sitting around me at table, always asking "oh do you mind passing me the salad? " excuse me, can you give the juice bottle?"; i hate having people pouring into my bedroom and invading my privacy; i hate having people trying to pet my cats when they clearly don't want to be touched. I just want to shout and tell them to go away but i can't because i'm still financially dependent and it's my mother's house, so she decides who comes and stay. And she is always bringing in my grandparents. To worsen things, they are all baptised Jehovah's Witnesses and you can see, as i, the only one along with my uncle, who is not into it feel as they ramble on their "prophecies".
I just hope i am able to work and get away from this house as soon as possible.

You can!

I hope you know you're sitting in a spot where a lot of people do go on to be happy once they become independent. I feel sad for the ones who CTB who, not to their own fault, just didn't understand that there's a whole world outside of their home and sometimes school situation.

I can't promise anything since many of us are still here after, but I can tell you that a lot of people find a good life if they can get away from a toxic situation.

 

[Faraway1990]

I probably do. It's nothing i haven't thought about before. If not autism then it's some other personality disorder like Borderline.
But now i'm curious. What did led you to make rhe assumption?

It was just the description you gave on how you feel at the dinner table surrounded and how you pick up on how you're cats are feeling while others just don't. When you were describing the situation it reminded me of when my oh is at a crowded dinner table and she'll make a scene of it because how it affects her sensitivitys. I know I have something going on with me it's not quite autism but I can relate enough for us to work most of the time well together but go unnoticed and can recognise sensitivitys of a similar nature in others.


As I said I did not mean to be rude and as others have said I think having your own space away from the family will help you a lot.

 

[Darkhaven]

It was just the description you gave on how you feel at the dinner table surrounded and how you pick up on how you're cats are feeling while others just don't. When you were describing the situation it reminded me of when my oh is at a crowded dinner table and she'll make a scene of it because how it affects her sensitivitys. I know I have something going on with me it's not quite autism but I can relate enough for us to work most of the time well together but go unnoticed and can recognise sensitivitys of a similar nature in others.


As I said I did not mean to be rude and as others have said I think having your own space away from the family will help you a lot.

Trust me i didn't get offended.
It just sparked some curiosity because i have had other person pointing me the same thing.
But there is definately of the sort going on with me. But it has been here since i was a kid. It's not something new.

 

[Faraway1990]

Trust me i didn't get offended.
It just sparked some curiosity because i have had other person pointing me the same thing.
But there is definately of the sort going on with me. But it has been here since i was a kid. It's not something new.

That's just me being aware how my bluntness can come across if I'm not careful especially writing text format.

And yeah high functioning autism and such can go undiagnosed for a long time. I've never gone to get checked due to the fact that I don't want to be diagnosed with something that everyone puts you into a platonizing box "ohh they've got autism they can't help it bless them." That adds to the frustration I see it first hand with my oh when she gets annoyed at something even if it's completely justified I don't want that. And I can go unnoticed mostly so what's the point? But if you don't mind the label you could possibly get the diagnosis and use it to your advantage in applying for housing and such.

 

[Alec]

Yesterday I was told by my my mother's boyfriend that he, my aunt and my cousin all laugh at me and that I'm a private joke between them because I'm 22 and I don't work and they keep wandering why I don't go to work. I'm an immigrant, I've been living in Spain for 4 years and I have problems with work authorization and they know this perfectly well that I can't legally work yet and they still laugh at me, they are so stupid and pathetic. Instead I learned Spanish by myself in a year(way faster than any of them when all of them had somebody helping them) and it's my fourth language now that I'm fluent in, can write, read and speak. And while I was waiting for my inicial residence I went to college here in Spain and studied for two years and even though it was in Spanish I literally finished with the highest marks in all of the subjects that anyone else in my class. And now I have to wait for my work authorization and can't wait to go to work and they all know this and still act as if it's my choice not to work and as if I don't do anything and am a failure. Fuck them! I've always been better at literally everything than any of them and they've always hated me for it. I just regret spending so many years trying to make them love and except me, they are trash and toxic as hell.

 

[Darkhaven]

That's just me being aware how my bluntness can come across if I'm not careful especially writing text format.

And yeah high functioning autism and such can go undiagnosed for a long time. I've never gone to get checked due to the fact that I don't want to be diagnosed with something that everyone puts you into a platonizing box "ohh they've got autism they can't help it bless them." That adds to the frustration I see it first hand with my oh when she gets annoyed at something even if it's completely justified I don't want that. And I can go unnoticed mostly so what's the point? But if you don't mind the label you could possibly get the diagnosis and use it to your advantage in applying for housing and such.

My position exactly. I don't see the advantage to get diagnosed, at least for now. It will only stigmatize be more. I can blend in very easily and at first no one suspects a thing. To be honest people only started noticing my differences when i started avoiding like college dinners and parties. Nowadays everyone knows that i'm different. They don't tell me it, because they aren't close with me, but they see me all by myself, sitting alone in the empty classroom, always the first to arrive because, as i won't talk with anyone, i can go straight to where the next class will be, day after day.
But yeah i will avoid psychiatrist for now.
In the future we'll see.

Yesterday I was told by my my mother's boyfriend that he, my aunt and my cousin all laugh at me and that I'm a private joke between them because I'm 22 and I don't work and they keep wandering why I don't go to work. I'm an immigrant, I've been living in Spain for 4 years and I have problems with work authorization and they know this perfectly well that I can't legally work yet and they still laugh at me, they are so stupid and pathetic. Instead I learned Spanish by myself in a year(way faster than any of them when all of them had somebody helping them) and it's my fourth language now that I'm fluent in, can write, read and speak. And while I was waiting for my inicial residence I went to college here in Spain and studied for two years and even though it was in Spanish I literally finished with the highest marks in all of the subjects that anyone else in my class. And now I have to wait for my work authorization and can't wait to go to work and they all know this and still act as if it's my choice not to work and as if I don't do anything and am a failure. Fuck them! I've always been better at literally everything than any of them and they've always hated me for it. I just regret spending so many years trying to make them love and except me, they are trash and toxic as hell.

Spain? We're neighbors then!
And the situation you mentioned is disgusting.
I have had some similar situations both with stepfathers and stepmothers as they tried to turn my mother/father agaisnst me. And they partly and temporarly sucedeed. Thankfully things didn't work out between these horrible people and my parents and they ended up separating.