february in alaska
wandering aimlessly
- Sep 13, 2023
- 462
Happy to leave this life but scared of what might be on the other side, relieved to finally have the end in sight but disappointed to have wasted everything I was given. So ready to finally be able to go to sleep, but not ready to leave my family to grieve on their own. Glad to escape everything that's been looming over my head for my entire life, but I'm sad to lose the little things that I loved.
I can admit that I'm scared. I don't know how this is all going to go. But it's like I can feel it in my bones, man. I can feel it. This is it.
For all the good and bad, I wouldn't be sad to leave. Just like there's no shame in pressing quit on a video game you aren't enjoying or walking away from people who make you miserable. I don't want my death to be a sad thing, but I know I'll never be able to make my family understand or get to that point.
Feeling selfishly relieved that at least I won't have to deal with any of the aftermath. Sometimes I like to pretend that this is all a simulation, and once I'm gone, everything else will stop existing too. No family to grieve for me, no world to keep turning without me, no fallout at all. No tears. No funeral. It all just stops. That's how it'll be from my perspective, anyway. After I'm gone no one on this forum will ever say that they miss me, or leave "rest in peace" replies on my goodbye thread. Just... nothing. That sounds more peaceful than anything else.
I think I'm really going to do it, this time. I really think I will. Two more months to go.
I can admit that I'm scared. I don't know how this is all going to go. But it's like I can feel it in my bones, man. I can feel it. This is it.
For all the good and bad, I wouldn't be sad to leave. Just like there's no shame in pressing quit on a video game you aren't enjoying or walking away from people who make you miserable. I don't want my death to be a sad thing, but I know I'll never be able to make my family understand or get to that point.
Feeling selfishly relieved that at least I won't have to deal with any of the aftermath. Sometimes I like to pretend that this is all a simulation, and once I'm gone, everything else will stop existing too. No family to grieve for me, no world to keep turning without me, no fallout at all. No tears. No funeral. It all just stops. That's how it'll be from my perspective, anyway. After I'm gone no one on this forum will ever say that they miss me, or leave "rest in peace" replies on my goodbye thread. Just... nothing. That sounds more peaceful than anything else.
I think I'm really going to do it, this time. I really think I will. Two more months to go.
