Venting Birthdays are the worst.

[Spiny Lobster]

I'm not sure how you guys feel about your own birthdays or holidays in general, but my birthday is a gigantic slap to the face. It's one thing to be celebrating someone else's birthday, but "celebrating" my birth is another beast entirely. I regret ever being born; how am I supposed to be happy about celebrating another year, when I should be dead? How is barely surviving another year some sort of accomplishment worthy of other people's praise and attention? My life would be just a little bit easier if I didn't have a birthday to worry about (both literally and figuratively).

Birthdays in general are hyped up to be something special. After all, the people in my life who never speak to me otherwise wished me happy birthday. Even my best friend wanted to call me on my birthday, but instead of having a normal fucking conversation with her, I broke down into tears and told her about my suicidal ideation. I'm embarrassed and humiliated. The people in my life are somehow grateful that I've been born, when I couldn't be any more ungrateful.

I generally feel hollow on my birthday (or any holiday, really). It's either that, or the devastating realization that I'm still alive. There is no in between. And yet, with the date comes the expectation that I should feel special. This expectation hollows me out all the more. And it's not like I can just pretend my birthday isn't a thing; my twin and a bunch of my other family members share my birthday.

I refuse to see another birthday. I refuse to be in any more pain and, with that pain, get a reminder once a year that the universe was cruel enough to give me life.

April 26th has and always will be the worst day for me and, whether they realize it or not, my loved ones. Thank you for coming to my pitiful birthday TedTalk, and I hope you guys have better days or even birthdays if you're able. I wouldn't want to wish this pain on anyone else.

 

[MyrSS]

Holidays are equally painful to me. Guilt consumes me on those days. Everyone seems cheerful and excited for the holiday and I feel like I'm ruining the mood. That there's something wrong with me for not being able to reciprocate that joyfullness

You're definitely not alone. If it makes you feel better think about it as if it's for them not for you. Thats what helps me get through those days.

But idk.Hope you feel better now after talking about it. May you find peace

 

[blue_muse]

Happy Birthday to you Spiny Lobster. If making valid points about the contradictory nature of celebrating is pitying then carry on venting please. We're singing from the same hymn sheet about the variable meaninglessness of birthdays and holidays. Perhaps it's the media, social and print, to blame for the void in happiness. There's a feeling of 'I know I should be happy right now but I am not' that lingers.

Christmas seems to be similar, there's this constant quest to be perfect. Everyone must prepare picturesque dinners and deserts (usually for the pic uploads online), purchase expensive presents, smile like clowns in the presence of family and friends etc.

It's too much of a rat race.

 

[WornOutLife]

Personally, the more birthdays pass by, the worse they get.

My last birthday (Jan, 3rd), I just talked to my dad on the phone for some minutes and spent the rest of the day doing nothing special. Just getting wasted and in bed.

Also, I had disabled the notifications of my b-day on facebook so that people wouldn't pretend to wish me a "happy birthday!" and tell me "how much they love me and special I am"

I got almost no messages. It's okay, though. I barely remember any birthdays lol.

Edit: I know you don't like b-days but we're a family in this community so, I really wish you a happy b-day and hope things get better for you somehow!

 

[Error1987]

Maybe not relevant but my birthday is today, a day after yours! What a nice coincidence.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Maybe not relevant but my birthday is today, a day after yours! What a nice coincidence.

Happy birthday

 

[blue_muse]

Maybe not relevant but my birthday is today, a day after yours! What a nice coincidence.

Happy Birthday .

 

[FuneralCry]

I can relate. I think birthdays have now become painful as they emphasize my existence which I never wanted in the first place. I now dread getting older. At least it means one year closer to death in my opinion. I still wish everyone on here a happy birthday though.

 

[noname223]

Time with my family is horrible. They abused me and did that to me. But I am quite dependent on them.

I like my birthday. I get money and spend time with my friends.

 

[Spiny Lobster]

Happy Birthday to you Spiny Lobster. If making valid points about the contradictory nature of celebrating is pitying then carry on venting please. We're singing from the same hymn sheet about the variable meaninglessness of birthdays and holidays. Perhaps it's the media, social and print, to blame for the void in happiness. There's a feeling of 'I know I should be happy right now but I am not' that lingers.

Christmas seems to be similar, there's this constant quest to be perfect. Everyone must prepare picturesque dinners and deserts (usually for the pic uploads online), purchase expensive presents, smile like clowns in the presence of family and friends etc.

It's too much of a rat race.

Bless you and thank you for the birthday wishes! It's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one who feels this way.

Christmas definitely has similar vibes to birthdays, but at the very least we're able to focus on the people around us and not have it be just our day, if that makes sense. There's so much more pressure when the day is supposed to be about us, the birthday people, and that's where the "should be" statements especially come into play.

So while I feel shitty on any and all holidays, my birthday hits me especially hard with its more personal elements.

Personally, the more birthdays pass by, the worse they get.

My last birthday (Jan, 3rd), I just talked to my dad on the phone for some minutes and spent the rest of the day doing nothing special. Just getting wasted and in bed.

Also, I had disabled the notifications of my b-day on facebook so that people wouldn't pretend to wish me a "happy birthday!" and tell me "how much they love me and special I am"

I got almost no messages. It's okay, though. I barely remember any birthdays lol.

Edit: I know you don't like b-days but we're a family in this community so, I really wish you a happy b-day and hope things get better for you somehow!

You couldn't be more right—birthdays get worse and worse. When I was younger, the people around me worked extra hard to make me feel special. Now, as an adult who knows better, it feels like I'm the one working extra hard just to stay afloat this birthday and the ones before that.

I should do the same and omit my birthday from all social media (though I rarely use it, anyway. That doesn't prevent good-intentioned people from texting me and reminding me time and time again how fruitless this all is).

Thank you so much for the good wishes! I really do feel like we're a family here. I am so grateful to be a part of the community. <3

Maybe not relevant but my birthday is today, a day after yours! What a nice coincidence.

Happy birthday! I hope it was better than mine, and if it wasn't, I'm proud of you for making it through. Birthdays are a real challenge!

 

[Aeathelina]

I have never ever enjoyed my birthday since I could remember. Hated the fact that was even put on this earth. Hell this past birthday I made a wish I that won't live to see my 27th birthday and I mean it because fuck this whole living experience

 

[BlankUser]

I understand what you mean. And I wish I was never been born. However, since I am here, I will take cakes, drinks and presents to feel myself better haha.