My birthday was the other day on the 4th, the day before at like 11pm, a few minutes before turning midnight, i was deciding whether to attempt or not. I could barely handle it any longer. But I'm still alive and well, writing this. Afterwards, when my family surprised me, I guess I kinda rethought about my earlier decisions. I have a great family, my mom, dad and old sister love me to death, they're amazing people, so why do I have all these issues? Nothing I went through is as bad as my parents or sister. I don't have the right to complain. I really don't know what's wrong. My life isn't that bad. I really don't get it, I don't understand what's wrong at all. I was born into a wealthy upper class family who are all great people, I get the things I want, have great friends, so I don't get why I'm having these issues. I don't know why I want to kill myself so bad. I wanna get hurt so badly. Do I just want attention? Am I just selfish? I don't understand any of this. I'm still relatively young, so I don't know why I'm even struggling. I don't deserve this amazing family, I don't deserve my protective and cool mom, I don't deserve my humble dad, and I don't deserve my humorous and caring older sister. I don't deserve any of this. I'm not a good person either. Nothing has changed, everything's just nice, everyone's nice, it's just me, I've changed. This probably sound corny asl but this is rlly how I feel. I've never opened up to my family members before, I never let them see my vulnerable side so I don't rlly have nobody to talk to so this is kinda the only thing I can do to express myself.
