Birthday Blues :/

[Haine]

So, today is my 22nd birthday. It's very strange because I feel like I shouldn't be alive still. I am about to graduate with my BFA in December, and I have started grad school applications. I'm stuck in a weird place of wanting to live, and wanting to die. I have accepted that my depression is never going away, and I will be in pain for the rest of my life if I continue to live. I want to die, but I'm to scared to attempt.

So, I went to work this morning and my boss yelled at me. It made me cry (I am a emotional person) and I was upset for the whole day. I mean who wants to be yelled at and berated on their birthday???? I told my mom what happened and she told me I was too emotional and that I needed to toughen up because in the real world bosses yell at you. And if I continue crying, then I would be treated like crap (Growing up, she yelled in my face all the time and I cried so that's why I always cry and get upset when I'm yelled at).

When I got home, I began cutting myself. I haven't done it since I was a teenager, and I really really want to die rn. I was crying so hard and I kept hurting myself because I felt like I deserved it. It was the only way to get my emotions out. Now, I am suicidal. I want to die. I don't know how but I want to. If something like this, someone yelling at you, is enough to make me self-harm and think of committing suicide, I don't know how I'm going to make it in this world.

Anyway, that's all. Have a good night, y'all.

 

[Temporarilyabsurd]

I wonder if there is a specific therapy or set of strategies for dealing with 'the screamers'
( bullies)

I've been off work for years , draining resources because I WILL NOT TOLERATE THIS SHIT .

then I move to a small village and some fuck bullies me ouside the pub !

( Turns out to be a pillar of society too ...)

There must be a way .

@Haine Congrats on your BFA !

cliche cliche cliche thin skin sensitive feeling creative expressive something cliche cliche cliche
... I never found the angsty artist vibe very reassuring

All about me :

I dropped out of my DipFA course years ago ( having a melt down )
One of the tutors went through the motions and rang me up ... 'pastoral care (?)' they just didn't get it ,
I had always loathed their art ... so it sort of figured .
Hence my congrats on graduating .

 

[Return2Dust]

So, today is my 22nd birthday. It's very strange because I feel like I shouldn't be alive still. I am about to graduate with my BFA in December, and I have started grad school applications. I'm stuck in a weird place of wanting to live, and wanting to die. I have accepted that my depression is never going away, and I will be in pain for the rest of my life if I continue to live. I want to die, but I'm to scared to attempt.

So, I went to work this morning and my boss yelled at me. It made me cry (I am a emotional person) and I was upset for the whole day. I mean who wants to be yelled at and berated on their birthday???? I told my mom what happened and she told me I was too emotional and that I needed to toughen up because in the real world bosses yell at you. And if I continue crying, then I would be treated like crap (Growing up, she yelled in my face all the time and I cried so that's why I always cry and get upset when I'm yelled at).

When I got home, I began cutting myself. I haven't done it since I was a teenager, and I really really want to die rn. I was crying so hard and I kept hurting myself because I felt like I deserved it. It was the only way to get my emotions out. Now, I am suicidal. I want to die. I don't know how but I want to. If something like this, someone yelling at you, is enough to make me self-harm and think of committing suicide, I don't know how I'm going to make it in this world.

Anyway, that's all. Have a good night, y'all.

Happy Birthday! I had bosses yell at me and I cried too. Whatever happened to telling someone they need to fix something in a calm, rational manner?
I hope you can celebrate your Birthday this weekend in a happier way.

 

[Blackjack]

So, today is my 22nd birthday. It's very strange because I feel like I shouldn't be alive still. I am about to graduate with my BFA in December, and I have started grad school applications. I'm stuck in a weird place of wanting to live, and wanting to die. I have accepted that my depression is never going away, and I will be in pain for the rest of my life if I continue to live. I want to die, but I'm to scared to attempt.

So, I went to work this morning and my boss yelled at me. It made me cry (I am a emotional person) and I was upset for the whole day. I mean who wants to be yelled at and berated on their birthday???? I told my mom what happened and she told me I was too emotional and that I needed to toughen up because in the real world bosses yell at you. And if I continue crying, then I would be treated like crap (Growing up, she yelled in my face all the time and I cried so that's why I always cry and get upset when I'm yelled at).

When I got home, I began cutting myself. I haven't done it since I was a teenager, and I really really want to die rn. I was crying so hard and I kept hurting myself because I felt like I deserved it. It was the only way to get my emotions out. Now, I am suicidal. I want to die. I don't know how but I want to. If something like this, someone yelling at you, is enough to make me self-harm and think of committing suicide, I don't know how I'm going to make it in this world.

Anyway, that's all. Have a good night, y'all.

I'm sorry you're having such an awful day, today of all days no less. The world is full of assholes who yell, unfortunately.

For what it's worth from an old hag like me, your earning your degree in 2 months is a major accomplishment and you have much to be proud of (even though you feel shitty right now.) I hope you can find your way through this dark time, whatever you decide.

 

[gingerplum]

A belated Happy Birthday to you, and a big congratulations on your degree!! That's quite an accomplishment.

How awful to call your mom looking for empathy only to be told to "toughen up." I'm sure you just wanted someone to acknowledge that your boss was really hard on you and made you cry. You needed a soft place to land, a shoulder to cry on. It's so disappointing that she just couldn't be on your side when you needed her.

Your mom is wrong, though; in the real world, bosses don't yell at you, or at least don't yell at you or anybody without consequences. Next time you get called to the carpet, think about hitting "record" on your phone and set it down on your lap or a table in his office. If he keeps doing this, you'll have an established pattern of workplace harassment, with evidence, that you can take it to HR and file a complaint.

Throw around a few buzz phrases like "hostile work environment," and "discrimination" and you may even get the bastard fired, particularly if other employees complain.

 

[Nyanpasuu]

Happy Birthday!, I don't understand why people yell instead of explaining what is wrong, we are supposed to be rational creatures. My dad is one of those who usually yells and became aggressive, as a result of that now I get panic attacks every time someone yells at me, so I somewhat understand you.
Also congratulations on your degree and is really cool that you have already started your grad school applications, if you someday need to talk, you can count on me

 

[Suicidal4Ever]

So, today is my 22nd birthday. It's very strange because I feel like I shouldn't be alive still.

How i felt every birthday.