narval
Enlightened
- Jan 22, 2020
- 1,188
Well. I'm 29. I haven't done anything relevant with my life. No job, friends, money, or hope. Everytime i try to get better or do some relevant, something bad happens or i ruin it. It's like one step forward and 2 steps back. In the last 6 months i've abandoned the diet and gained like 8KG. i passed of getting more formation. Also i became near-alcoholic. The only constant in my life is the PC, videogames and the hate. I hate my life, my environment, my family and myself.
Of course, i'm with medication and therapy since 3 months or so, even i've started a job search plan (promoted by local government) but iat this momet, no results. I recibe only rejects if someone answers me. If i stay away of videogames (i spend most of the day there and that's not healthy) I end up sitting doing absolutely nothing. Or sleeping. Or going for alcohol. The effort of get out home is huge and only that (alcohol) and junk food motivates me. Perhaps try harder searching job ? The anxiety level goes unmanegable, near the point mental breakdown.
At this point, after many failed attempts of redo my life, I came to a conclusion: i probably can't break this vicious circle. It can be... idk... lack of trust, Self-fulfilling prophecy, broken mind, too much self pity or just disability.
ok. To the topic. my life sucks. I don't have strength to fix it. So i'll start (probably this month) to prepare my stuff for CTB and leave all ready. Birthday as deadline (june, 2021), before depending of how the things goes. Before thirty sounds good.
This will end. one way or another.
Of course, i'm with medication and therapy since 3 months or so, even i've started a job search plan (promoted by local government) but iat this momet, no results. I recibe only rejects if someone answers me. If i stay away of videogames (i spend most of the day there and that's not healthy) I end up sitting doing absolutely nothing. Or sleeping. Or going for alcohol. The effort of get out home is huge and only that (alcohol) and junk food motivates me. Perhaps try harder searching job ? The anxiety level goes unmanegable, near the point mental breakdown.
At this point, after many failed attempts of redo my life, I came to a conclusion: i probably can't break this vicious circle. It can be... idk... lack of trust, Self-fulfilling prophecy, broken mind, too much self pity or just disability.
ok. To the topic. my life sucks. I don't have strength to fix it. So i'll start (probably this month) to prepare my stuff for CTB and leave all ready. Birthday as deadline (june, 2021), before depending of how the things goes. Before thirty sounds good.
This will end. one way or another.
