Discussion Bipolar disorder and Suicide

[WornOutLife]

Anyone out there with bipolar disorder who wants to commit suicide? How do you cope with your daily life until "that day" comes? (or not)

I'm one of those. I mean, I've been going to the therapist and shrink for years and it's usually the same:
There are days in which the world just sucks and some other days where the world is the best place ever!

However, here's the thing:

Even if I'm having one of the "depressing" days, when I'm at work or surrounded by people, I always fake my emotions and show them the typical happy person.
For instance, I'm a teacher and my students are not the ones to blame for my bipolar disorder so I'm always teaching English cheerfully to them but when I get home, I feel twice or four times sadder than before.

On the one hand, I think if I weren't this unstable, I might feel like living up life.
On the other hand, I'm under the deepest depression I've ever been in spite of treatment and have lots of reasons to CTB.

Anyway, I would like to read your personal experiences. Your guidance might help me out.

 

[Squiddy]

I'm bipolar and I want to ctb for a couple of reasons. One reason being I'm incompetent and another being I have a hard time articulating myself verbally. I like your avatar btw. I love Dragon Ball.

 

[bpdandme]

I'm bipolar and I want to ctb for a couple of reasons. One reason being I'm incompetent and another being I have a hard time articulating myself verbally. I like your avatar btw. I love Dragon Ball.

I also struggle with self articulation, I feel like my brain and mouth aren't wired together!

 

[Squiddy]

I also struggle with self articulation, I feel like my brain and mouth aren't wired together!

Some around me say I articulate fine, but I know I don't because for example, I called CVS to explain something to them and I couldn't explain what I needed to explain so I had to write it down (I articulate fine in writing, just verbally I struggle in)

 

[Poptart]

I have severe bipolar 1 with mixed features.

Even when I'm genuinely happy I still feel a lump in my throat like I need to cry.

My last manic episode cost me my job. I was so sick I was hospitalized for almost two months. I'm too fucked up to function in any meaningful way because of my bipolar. (I was a teacher.)

Its unfortunate that I love living so much. Because I dont deserve it.