Venting bipolar disorder 2 mood swings and isolation

[strawberryseed]

I don't live with my own family due to physical abuse and unsafe living conditions, and living with my friends family has been hell. I know i should be grateful for them taking me in, but they have all the means too, i mean a 3 story house, two extra rooms, tesla in the front yard, i could go on about their luxuries, But anytime i'm upset or speak up about something i'm not happy or uncomfortable with im met with a sudden gang up between the three of them and just me. Tonight they told me there was only a little bit of dinner left over for me, which is a recurring issue and I have just gotten out of a deep depressive episode and cleaned up so much shit i let get out of hand. So to be exhausted from cleaning and hearing that i was left little food felt so insulting and demeaning. I communicated that I was upset about this, and they showed me they actually did have enough of a serving for me, but i was already so heated over the thought because it's happened so much. and my anger was met with infantilism. my friends mom telling me that there's enough food but i can be mad at her if i want too. and my friend confronting me that they actually tried to split it fairly. like wtf why is that such a triumph that they tried to have enough food for everyone. this has been a recurring issue where her dad gets more than us since he's a man ?? so when he has to give up his bigger portion it's treated like a grand feat. eating is a weapon here. I know not everyone is perfect but this has been an issue for the past 3 years that i've been living here and they just refuse to make adjustments but i'm supposed too. I moved in when i was 16 and i just don't feel loved anywhere i go. I appreciate them taking me in but at the same time i don't want to grovel and just relinquish my bad feelings because i got charity. I didn't deserve to live in the environment i was and i deserved to be taken care of i was a child, i didn't beg to stay i needed somewhere to go. i don't care for fucking adults who become bitter and expect children to mature in a certain way. i work hard and full time, but when i'm struggling after going to the psych unit and just spiraling more after that, im just looked at and treated like a monster. i don't want to be a monster anymore i hope i can go through with my plans, i want to ctb on my birthday.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really awful what you've been through, I find it cruel and horrible how some humans just create so much suffering. But anyway I wish you the best of luck in your plans and I hope that you find the freedom you search for.

 

[mortuarymary]

They are giving you a roof over your head. They might not understand what you are going through, if that's the case, speak up.