Venting Bf called my attempt "stupid" and "selfish."

[bunnii]

Last night, I tried partial hanging again. I wasn't super serious about it, it was more of a test run for partial hanging (I had tried full suspension before) so I had the rope on and off my neck for a good hour, taking it off just before my vision starts fading. Long story short, I ended up with a swollen and bruised neck. I went to sleep not thinking much of it and when I woke up the swelling had gone down but the marks looked nasty. My boyfriend was horrified. He got all pissed at me saying things like, "it's just so stupid," "you're being selfish," "you need to toughen up," "everyone has it bad and you're the only one who tries to die over it," etc etc. He gave me the cold shoulder all morning until I eventually broke down sobbing and he finally apologised. I put some makeup on and we went for breakfast at the local restaurant like nothing was wrong after that. He hasn't mentioned my attempt since. I guess I'm glad that he didn't call the police on me, but I wish he... cared more? I feel like such an inconvenience to him when I'm upset, which is most of the time. I wish so badly I was the happy go lucky girl he wants.

 

[MidnightCat]

That was really hurting to read.

I'm not sure if it's the best but... I think I gotta be honest. Someone who loves you does not say something like that.

He really seems toxic and probably does not help you at all at being a "happy go lucky girl"

 

[$crim]

"toughen up" ... "everyone has it bad and you're the only one who tries to die over it"

if anything, from those phrases alone, hes the one acting selfish. rather than being caring or empathetic to the situation he's lashing out at you, which is extremely childish.
im sorry that hes treating you like that, because in all honesty that is definitely not how anyones partner should react.

 

[articspiral]

Last night, I tried partial hanging again. I wasn't super serious about it, it was more of a test run for partial hanging (I had tried full suspension before) so I had the rope on and off my neck for a good hour, taking it off just before my vision starts fading. Long story short, I ended up with a swollen and bruised neck. I went to sleep not thinking much of it and when I woke up the swelling had gone down but the marks looked nasty. My boyfriend was horrified. He got all pissed at me saying things like, "it's just so stupid," "you're being selfish," "you need to toughen up," "everyone has it bad and you're the only one who tries to die over it," etc etc. He gave me the cold shoulder all morning until I eventually broke down sobbing and he finally apologised. I put some makeup on and we went for breakfast at the local restaurant like nothing was wrong after that. He hasn't mentioned my attempt since. I guess I'm glad that he didn't call the police on me, but I wish he... cared more? I feel like such an inconvenience to him when I'm upset, which is most of the time. I wish so badly I was the happy go lucky girl he wants.

I am so sorry someone treated you that way, especially when you are at your most vulnerable. Something I've come to believe is that unless someone has personally struggled with suicide, they are horrible when it comes to empathizing with those who do.

 

[cassxtho]

He sounds like an abusive asshole. I hope you feel better soon, and get away from that guy asap. I wouldn't be surprised if he is making your urge to ctb worse. This lack of empathy sounds like it could end up being very dangerous for you sooner or later.

 

[randy]

explain to him that his reaction is not the reaction you need from him and he's making things worse

 

[DianaNiceUs]

"toughen up" just like being told to "rub some dirt on it" such an infuriating response...

 

[jodes2]

That wasn't nice of him. But a lot of people react badly to suicide attempts unfortunately

 

[releasespieces]

Your partner should compliment you, not complete you. I hope you're not dependent on this guy, he's got issues... you're probably better off independent. You do you though.

 

[Thisisme373]

That's disgusting, tbh when you're at your lowest you find out who really does care, I've found this out myself, I believe you should get away from him and be around people who will support you not make you feel worse when you are at your lowest, he should of been hugging you & comforting you, and giving you love, support etc, the way he responded sorry but that's fucking disgusting, he sounds selfish and toxic, bad for you, you deserve better.

He sounds like an abusive asshole. I hope you feel better soon, and get away from that guy asap. I wouldn't be surprised if he is making your urge to ctb worse. This lack of empathy sounds like it could end up being very dangerous for you sooner or later.

exactly this, absolutely nailed it.

 

[EndlessDream]

Last night, I tried partial hanging again. I wasn't super serious about it, it was more of a test run for partial hanging (I had tried full suspension before) so I had the rope on and off my neck for a good hour, taking it off just before my vision starts fading. Long story short, I ended up with a swollen and bruised neck. I went to sleep not thinking much of it and when I woke up the swelling had gone down but the marks looked nasty. My boyfriend was horrified. He got all pissed at me saying things like, "it's just so stupid," "you're being selfish," "you need to toughen up," "everyone has it bad and you're the only one who tries to die over it," etc etc. He gave me the cold shoulder all morning until I eventually broke down sobbing and he finally apologised. I put some makeup on and we went for breakfast at the local restaurant like nothing was wrong after that. He hasn't mentioned my attempt since. I guess I'm glad that he didn't call the police on me, but I wish he... cared more? I feel like such an inconvenience to him when I'm upset, which is most of the time. I wish so badly I was the happy go lucky girl he wants.

You don't need to pretend to be happy for someone else. Your BF should be more caring and understanding. My parents were the same in the type of shit they said. I ended up moving out because it showed what kind of people they were. The ex BF I moved in with was also pretty insensitive with mental health stuff. I have friends now that are more caring with that sort of thing.

 

[CTB Dream]

V sry this low empathy unfortunate this species no brain no understand see sufferia see pain no think say platiude, vry sry see mark suffer pain say awful thing, this cruel world cruel species. Hope peace

 

[Blizzard]

My ex used to throw my suicidal attempts and ideations in my face. She used some of my weakest moments as ammunition to hurt me. Sorry you didn't get the support you needed. Sometimes it's the ones we opened up to and trusted the most that really tear us apart.

 

[fell]

Hi! I think you might've recently shared a tarot spread you pulled, that seemed to point out that your partner is a consistent source of stress and pain? As others have mentioned, his reaction is unempathetic at best, and based on your prior post and his harsh choice of words - I would also say abusive.

I believe you mentioned feeling that you need to leave this situation in another post - would you like help coming up with a plan or some resources or support to navigate this? I'm happy to help please feel free to PM me!

 

[CTB Fella]

Last night, I tried partial hanging again. I wasn't super serious about it, it was more of a test run for partial hanging (I had tried full suspension before) so I had the rope on and off my neck for a good hour, taking it off just before my vision starts fading. Long story short, I ended up with a swollen and bruised neck. I went to sleep not thinking much of it and when I woke up the swelling had gone down but the marks looked nasty. My boyfriend was horrified. He got all pissed at me saying things like, "it's just so stupid," "you're being selfish," "you need to toughen up," "everyone has it bad and you're the only one who tries to die over it," etc etc. He gave me the cold shoulder all morning until I eventually broke down sobbing and he finally apologised. I put some makeup on and we went for breakfast at the local restaurant like nothing was wrong after that. He hasn't mentioned my attempt since. I guess I'm glad that he didn't call the police on me, but I wish he... cared more? I feel like such an inconvenience to him when I'm upset, which is most of the time. I wish so badly I was the happy go lucky girl he wants.

I've been called all of the "negative" things under the sun, following serious suicide attempts, but now it just bounces off of me.

I think it's an inexperienced individual's way of displaying fear.

Trust me, they are probably petrified over what they've seen/experienced.

For me, it's quite simply just another attempt. For them, it's completely alien. They are not feeling the psychological pain, utter sadness, and a mind that's so completely fucked that you see no other way out.

They can't see that, because mental health is usually invisible. Ironically, it's only when we act out, that people get a glimpse of what's going on.

But they just do not understand. I won't say "willing" to understand, because that's just their brains protecting them. This shit is scary, and that's coming from an extremely suicidal person, who's put a lot of stress on a few people.

But I quite simply cannot help it. And neither can they.

I don't expect their understanding or forgiveness, and I do not seek theirs.

Simple as.

 

[FuneralCry]

That person just sounds really insensitive, it's just so horrible how suicidal people are often treat so badly in this world. People like that just make this world a much more hellish place.

 

[HayBunny23]

I'm sorry, what a horrible night and an even worse morning. As much as I put my spouse thru, he would still only want to hug me. Your bf is the selfish person saying that shite to you, how he can even claim to love you after that comes out of his mouth is a mystery. No wonder you are in a dark place with people like that around. You aren't selfish, I hope your neck is okay.

 

[whywere]

I hate to say this, but your boyfriend is self-centered and like @FuneralCry said insensitive. He might have been in some type of shock but the overriding aspect, should be how to help you and NOT belittle you ever. that type of mentality NEVER EVER helps. I should know, as my ex-wife, who drained the checking account gambling, never visited me in the physic ward after my 2nd attempt, which she caused, and told everyone that I was weak, and I should toughen up.

Having had somewhat of the same experience as you, I can tell one thing which is that you are a caring person towards your boyfriend, and he should reciprocate.

He needs to step up and not as much of helping you as being your soul mate. That is point specific as far as tuning into you and being there hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder with and for you.

Sending you lots of love, huge hugs, lots of them! and the knowledge that I care for and about you a lot and want the best for you always.

Walter.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I've been called all of the "negative" things under the sun, following serious suicide attempts, but now it just bounces off of me.

I think it's an inexperienced individual's way of displaying fear.

Trust me, they are probably petrified over what they've seen/experienced.

For me, it's quite simply just another attempt. For them, it's completely alien. They are not feeling the psychological pain, utter sadness, and a mind that's so completely fucked that you see no other way out.

They can't see that, because mental health is usually invisible. Ironically, it's only when we act out, that people get a glimpse of what's going on.

But they just do not understand. I won't say "willing" to understand, because that's just their brains protecting them. This shit is scary, and that's coming from an extremely suicidal person, who's put a lot of stress on a few people.

But I quite simply cannot help it. And neither can they.

I don't expect their understanding or forgiveness, and I do not seek theirs.

Simple as.

Such a beautiful way to look at it. It seems people are always going around accusing others of being selfish for all kinds of reasons, but when they themselves are being just as selfish as the ones they're accusing, they either don't realize it or don't care. They're just being hypocrites honestly.

Once we stop caring about the opinions of pro-life people and realize what they're doing, then it takes away any power they have over us. Sure, they can physically restrain us in a psych ward if we survive, but once we stop caring about their opinions, we can bullshit our way through and pretend we want to live again, just so we can attempt again later.

That kind of experience will also give us a clearer understanding of who really cares about us, and who wants us here for their own selfish reasons. Knowing that might make the second attempt easier. I think that would be the case for me.

 

[bunnii]

Thank you to everyone for your kind responses. Unfortunately, it's a little more complicated than just leaving him. I love the guy, and I truly believe he loves me, he just doesn't know how to deal with my mental illness. Besides, I've tried breaking up with him before and he started starving himself and stopped going to work. I can't have that happen again. I also have nowhere to go without him. I'm on welfare and can't afford rent by myself in my area, and I am definitely not moving back in with my mother. The only way out of this relationship feels like death. I have other reasons for my ctb thoughts too, but this is really stressing me out. I have to go now before he asks what I'm doing on the computer. Thanks for reading and being so supportive, even if I don't "like" your response I've definitely read it xx

 

[PublicDiary0606]

God… that was really painful. I am glad too that he didn't call the police on you. I'm even more glad that you're here and you lived through to tell us this. Hope you don't get caught by your boyfriend for typing out your experience.

It honestly seem like yeah, perhaps he does have a bad way reacting to what you experienced. I'm not defending him however, his actions are awfully wrong and he should really put his ego down, and reflect on what he said. It could be due to that he hasn't yet understand that not everyone is the same. People experience things differently and shouldn't project the way they deal things to others. To tell somebody to "toughen up" or "what you're doing us wrong" to a loved one is just childish. It's like saying "If I were in your shoes, I'll deal with it better" or something like that. It's egoistic and discouraging.

Though I wouldn't want to hate on him either. For all we know he could be abusive and unloving partner but that's not for me to judge since we don't know much about him. I understand leaving him is wrong for you and theres not much you could do but just communicate and face the music. I do hope you could tell him that you'd appreciate that he said something much more caring than "toughen up". To not make it sound like you're just seeking attention from him (which you are not), you could also share your pain with him like how you did with us except in great detail but bitesized to not overwhelm him. (I encourage telling your partner about your pain slowly because overwhelming them might give a bad reaction and they might retreat. Not everyone is patient)

Though I am glad that you are able to share it with us. That's what I like about this platform unlike others. We're able to share our experience, views, thoughts and actions with freedom. So if you do plan to CTB, perhaps delay it even further. Perhaps you could share your pain with us and maybe make new friends. I wish you all the best. Good Night.


PS:

I've been called all of the "negative" things under the sun, following serious suicide attempts, but now it just bounces off of me.

I think it's an inexperienced individual's way of displaying fear.

Trust me, they are probably petrified over what they've seen/experienced.

For me, it's quite simply just another attempt. For them, it's completely alien. They are not feeling the psychological pain, utter sadness, and a mind that's so completely fucked that you see no other way out.

They can't see that, because mental health is usually invisible. Ironically, it's only when we act out, that people get a glimpse of what's going on.

But they just do not understand. I won't say "willing" to understand, because that's just their brains protecting them. This shit is scary, and that's coming from an extremely suicidal person, who's put a lot of stress on a few people.

But I quite simply cannot help it. And neither can they.

I don't expect their understanding or forgiveness, and I do not seek theirs.

Simple as.

Stole every emotion I felt about this. This is greatly said. Thanks for pointing this out.