Venting better but still feel like a disappointment

[maneose]

^ the title basically, i've been doing a lot better, but i can't help the fact of how my condition reduced me to a huge leech. second year in college and i doubt i will graduate within the 4 year time period, but my little sister is already on the path of getting her associates degree by the time she'll graduate highschool. i'm really happy because at least one of my mom's kids will do something and can take care of her, but god all i do everyday is eat, sleep, and maybe do homework. i'm only taking three classes!! i'm not even registered as a full time student this semester!! and it's not like i have a job, i don't know what i'm wasting my time on if it's not homework, which i can barely or never finish on time. my therapist said i probably have adhd and should get an evaluation, and for a long time i suspected that i had it or autism or the combination of what i was diagnosed beforehand, and for the past two weeks there's been a nagging in my head that keeps on telling me i'm ret***ed and a ret***, and i don't even know why i'm so set of thinking this way? obviously i don't use the word and have a distain for it but when it comes to me it seems to be alright and almost a perfect way to describe me… not even in only an insulting way but just, feels like it explains a lot. it's not like intrustive thoughts, because i've had those before, it's just a lot and i know if i told some of my friends they would look at me way differently. there's just a difference of growing up neurodivergent with a diagnosis versus finding out when you're older, but thats just what i think. i just wish i could do what most people could do, honestly i would love just having a small job and not have to worry about my future. like a bakery cashier, if i could be financially stable with a minimum wage job i would love that, but with the economy and the want to be able to buy things i like out way that…

 

[Praestat_Mori]

It's as simple as that and if you (and your parents) accept that not everyone is made for college and a university degree. What's the use of a degree if you're mental wreck after 4 years? Consider your options and I hope your parents will understand the situation and support the way you need to be supported instead of forcing you do graduate if that is not what you can achieve. I wish you all the best and good luck whatever you decide to do.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I feel like I must be a huge disappointment to my parents. I am 44 and an only child. still live at home, don't drive, developed severe OCD within the last decade. Our arrangement is that I unofficially help take care of my mother who has a ton of health issues. But I have zero patience and am a horrible caregiver. When she's been sick and really needed my help I was not very reliable. People have said to me that with me not having Children, I am going to have no one to take care of me when i am older. I am proof that you can't necessarily rely on your children.

 

[Mirrory Me]

Oh, that nagging in your head is your inner boogeyman, so to speak- it reflects your own fears and insecurities, such as: "I am too retarded to finish school".

Also, you could figure out some adventures that could boost your motivation, such as joining clubs or social circles that have the same ambitions and goals as you.